April 18 08

This afternoon, on my way home from work, I will be making a very important stop. Unlike most Jewish women, who will be stopping at the grocery store to brave the crowds and do some last minute Passover food shopping, i will be somewhere else. i will be at a shoe store, treating myself to a brand-spanking new pair of shoes.

because when i revealed what unhappyAli does to get by, i left out a very important, important piece of information…

when Ali’s husband goes to Las Vegas and leaves her for a week (the week before Passover, no less) with her three children and one of those children (the one who can’t make it to the toilet, of course) decides to get the stomach flu and throws up a total of ten times (as of 7:30 this morning) during the night, when her mom has severe emetophobia, i’m pretty sure that calls for one thing.

well, two. (Bless me, Xanax, for I am anxious)

Shoe Shopping. i’m thinking something black and sandal-y.

I haven’t watched 30 Rock yet. or the Office. (although, i DID watch Survivor before barf-fest ’08, hells, yeah. holy freakin’ crap. Ozzy. my poor Ozzy. blindsided with an immunity idol, ousted all James-style.) all i watched last night this

four times in a row. clearly, Isabella isn’t following Andi’s house rules…and can i just add for measure that Cinderella is really the WORST princess movie. (well, maybe Snow White is…) but dear god, it’s bad. so bad. and it’s even worse at 5am. masterpiece, my ass.

i haven’t showered or brushed my hair or put in my contacts or put on deodorant. (i’m all kinds of HOT this morning) and i can’t remember if i brushed my teeth. i think i did. maybe.

i haven’t had coffee yet (don’t you know, emetophobes can’t. i won’t be able to eat or drink anything for days. until i know the flu has passed)

what i have done is washed 10 sets of pajamas. and 10 towels. and two sets of bed linen. i have washed my hands too many times to count, but based in the dryness and the crack-ed-ness of ’em this morning, i can probably estimate that it was more than necessary. I have cried. and had at least 3 panic attacks.

so, i will be buying a pair of shoes today.

i may even buy two.

  1. Great. Now I need to go buy shoes.

    AndreAnna’s last blog post..Good things all around

    Comment by AndreAnna on April 18, 2008
  2. You deserve 2 pairs after that! Why do kids get sick when the husband’s away?! Has happened to me more than once…Murphy – hate Murphy…

    Comment by Maria on April 18, 2008
  3. Shoes, you say? Hmm, that sounds like an excellent idea, especially since the baby decided to throw the new rules in my face by waking at 3 and then 6. Thanks for the linky love, my dear.:)

    Oh, and Cinderella sucks. But the worst princess movie I’ve seen as of late (and I’ve seen every freakin’ one) is Barbie The Island Princess. Because nothing says craptastic like some really terrible CGI.

    One last thing (whew, I’m long-winded today) you must post pictures of the shoes. And of you running away from the house in them once your husband returns.

    andi’s last blog post..New house rules

    Comment by andi on April 18, 2008
  4. I’m thinking of buying shoes too! But mostly just to make myself feel better after our crappy 5-1 loss to Boston last night .. booo hoooo..
    hope Bella feels better soon and hope your husband gets home really soon too!

    Comment by Sarah on April 18, 2008
  5. My husband’s going on golf weekend with 24 of his BFFs, so I’m going shopping for new bedroom linens and curtains… bwah haha. Retail therapy? More like retail revenge!

    Cristan’s last blog post..What have I just done?

    Comment by Cristan on April 18, 2008
  6. Is it horrible, or just honest, to say, “I’m glad it was you and not me”?

    Regardless, I hope your littlest one is feeling better in time for Seder (do you do Seder?) or whatever you have planned for the weekend.

    (Although, in any event, I’d recommend steering clear of the gefilte fish this weekend.)

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..TDS: Sweetness

    Comment by SciFi Dad on April 18, 2008
  7. I hope you don’t mind me delurking..I love your blog. I’m sorry your little one is sick – I can totally sympathise with your fear of vomit – I really think I have it too – I had no idea there was an actual term for it. I hope it doesn’t last and your hand washing prevents the rest of the fam from getting the dreaded bug.

    Comment by KathyM on April 18, 2008
  8. oh Ali you poor thing.won’t your nanny clean up the vomit for you? oh what suckage…thank God mine don’t get sick very often.cleaning up that mess always makes me queasy and nauseous..

    Comment by LAVENDULA on April 18, 2008
  9. Oh I hope the sick leaves your house, and fast. Definitely shoes! I think my neighbour is an emetophobe. Two summers ago my son had the stomack sick for a few days and she kept her whole family in her house for 2 whole weeks to avoid us. HMMMM

    Chantal’s last blog post..Don’t bother

    Comment by Chantal on April 18, 2008
  10. Oh Ali, you know I can totally empathize with you, my fellow emetophobe. You deserve two pairs of shoes and a new outfit to match. And if the puking continues or spreads to more than one other family member, I am fairly certain the emetophobe handbook states that qualifies you for a new Coach purse to complete the whole ensemble.

    Comment by AJ on April 18, 2008
  11. i hear you on the emetophobe thing..try to take some airborne if you can (not sure if they sell that in canada)…i took it when my entire family came down with the stomach flu awhile back, and was the only one to not catch it! i swear by it.

    hope everyone’s feeling better…and like the above commenter says, if any other kids come down with it then you are definitely entitled to a purse and an entire new wardrobe to go along with your shoes!

    katie’s last blog post..i love the whole world

    Comment by katie on April 18, 2008
  12. My husband went and got himself deployed to Iraq for a year…this was a few years ago, we are over it…anyway…when things got bad…or I got sad…or mad…or glad…cashmere was my friend. I bought cashmere. I had a collection of sweaters that I loved. Then I lost 125lbs and they don’t fit. I sometimes sleep in them, though…shoes would have been a much more practical purchase. Why didn’t I ever think of it?
    Sorry there is sickness at your house…hope it passes soon!

    jodi’s last blog post..Who’s the Boss?

    Comment by jodi on April 18, 2008
  13. Well I am so sorry you are haing a sucky day.

    Please try and enjoy your passover!


    Maya’s last blog post..100 Things (1-50)

    Comment by Maya on April 18, 2008
  14. Good grief! You deserve at least a dozen pair of shoes after all that vomit!


    30 rock is quickly becoming one of my very favorite shows of all time. The page? HILARIOUS. “I never vote Democrat or Republican because choosing is a sin, so I just pencil in the Lord’s name.”
    HA HA HA HA!

    Loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog: BlogHer ‘08

    Comment by Loralee on April 18, 2008
  15. That sucks – why do they always get sick (or don’t sleep, or both) when you’re on your own.

    Sleeping Beauty is the worst, imo.

    nomotherearth’s last blog post..It takes a Village Idiot to raise a child

    Comment by nomotherearth on April 18, 2008

    Poor Isabella too.

    You get a bit more sympathy for having to go it alone and for having to watch Cinderella four times.


    Angella’s last blog post..No Touchy*

    Comment by Angella on April 18, 2008
  17. You deserve as many pairs of shoes as you want. When does the hubby get home anyways??

    Miss’s last blog post..100 Things (Well 55 things anyways)

    Comment by Miss on April 18, 2008
  18. I just realized I forgot to reprogram my new DVR- so I missed last night’s 30 Rock and The Office.


    Now I’m feeling nauseous…

    180/360’s last blog post..No ifs, ands or butts…

    Comment by 180/360 on April 18, 2008
  19. Hope the shoes help you feel better.

    staciesmadness’s last blog post..TOOT-goes my horn

    Comment by staciesmadness on April 18, 2008
  20. Hehe… I think shoes are very well deserved then!
    Maybe even a whole new outfit would do the trick! 😉

    Bronnie’s last blog post..Simply Breakfast

    Comment by Bronnie on April 18, 2008
  21. Wow! I hope your little one feels better very soon. As for buying a pair of shoes? I’d get an outfit AND a purse for the full effect 😉

    aline’s last blog post..Meet The Playpen Staff!

    Comment by aline on April 18, 2008
  22. So, Ozzy trusted an entire group of people about to vote off someone who they promised immunity to because…? That was a good show. I’ll miss Ozzy though.

    anne’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: Mud Pies

    Comment by anne on April 18, 2008
  23. Buy 3. You deserve each and every one!

    mary’s last blog post..The Aftermath

    Comment by mary on April 18, 2008
  24. I am so sorry. We have a Husband Does The Puke rule at our house seeing as vomit gives me panic attacks. When you have to do it yourself? It’s the stuff my nightmares are made of.

    I feel for you, I really do. You deserve those shoes. Maybe you should shop for them in Hawaii when the hubby gets home!

    Comment by Everyday Superhero on April 19, 2008
  25. You are my kind of woman. And sorry for the sick but the shoes will help make up for it.

    noble pig’s last blog post..A Kick To The Ribs

    Comment by noble pig on April 19, 2008
  26. Oh, my. Enjoy passover my dear.

    And for the record I actually got the ‘Juno’ allusion. For once in my life I’m up to date. Probably for like 5 seconds.

    Comment by Good&Crazy on April 19, 2008
  27. Now I want to go buy shoes! I to am stuck in Cinderella’s endless loop…

    Nap Warden’s last blog post..More Practice…and Nuts?

    Comment by Nap Warden on April 19, 2008
  28. I think that volume of barf along with that many viewings of Cinderella warrants no less than three pairs of shoes. Seriously.

    Comment by Burgh Baby's Mom on April 20, 2008
  29. I have severe emetophobia, too. I have also never thrown up in my entire 28 years. That’s how bad it is.

    I watched Cinderella four times today, too. I’m even starting to make up my own scenarios, like MAYBE if she didn’t drop that freaking tray and get all glassy eye, perhaps her stepmother would not have locked her in her room and movie could have been over so. much. sooner. UGH.

    PS. I love your taste in men. Bam rocks my world. There’s a girl who reads my blog that went to high school and partied in college with him. She breathed the same air. Nuff said.

    Huckdoll’s last blog post..This Post is Filled With Random Sauce

    Comment by Huckdoll on April 20, 2008
  30. Oh my lovely. Shoes do all worlds of of good. I myself have partaken in the purchase of 3 pairs in the last couple of weeks. Cause it is that or chocolate…

    Kelley’s last blog post..Moo is a princess.

    Comment by Kelley on April 20, 2008
  31. Sounds like excellent reasons to buy shoes to me.

    Kristabella’s last blog post..Tectonic Plates: Your New Alarm Clock

    Comment by Kristabella on April 20, 2008
  32. OMG, Jack McBrayer rocks my world…and he’s a Georgia peach, just like you! I was happy to see he was every bit as sweet and Southern in person as he is on TV.

    I hope you’ve managed to catch up on 30 Rock and The Office, because they were both pretty awesome — particularly The Office; I preferred last week’s MILF Island to this week’s 30 Rock ep.

    Camels & Chocolate’s last blog post..You Do Look Fat in Those Jeans, Sarah Marshall

    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on April 20, 2008
  33. I have a 3.5 year old daughter who is already in love with shoes.

    Every freaking time she sees a pair she wants to stop and look at them.

    Jack’s last blog post..Far Too Much To Spend on a Children’s Party

    Comment by Jack on April 21, 2008
  34. Can’t wait to see the shoes…

    Multi-Tasking Mommy’s last blog post..I laughed at a COP!!!

    Comment by Multi-Tasking Mommy on April 21, 2008
  35. Ooooooo boy!!!! I hope that storm has passed now, and that you can BREATHE (and eat) again!!!!!!!

    Haley-O’s last blog post..Ode to Betsey….

    Comment by Haley-O on April 21, 2008
  36. Have you seen The Office yet? DIDN’T YOU LOVE IT? Also, I haven’t seen Ozzy’s dismissal yet, but it’s recorded. And, I’m still not over James’ ousting in the same manner. BROKE MY HEART.

    She Likes Purple’s last blog post..Eleven

    Comment by She Likes Purple on April 21, 2008
  37. Do we get to see your shoes???

    “Bless me, Xanax, for I am anxious” That CRACKED.ME.UP. I so feel that pain.

    You definately deserved the shoe shopping. I hope you bought two!

    Jana’s last blog post..Garden Progress

    Comment by Jana on April 22, 2008
  38. […] 2. i have never smoked a cigarette in my life. ever. sure, i enjoy the sauce. why yes, i do. (Gladys Hardy and i drink a little) beer. scotch. vodka. i drink it all…except the fruity stuff. fruit does not belong in an alcoholic beverage. (it also doesn’t belong in cake, if we’re being honest. pie? yes. cake? hells no) but i politely say ‘no thank you’ to the cigarettes. the smell of them alone makes me want to vomit…and we know how i feel about vomit… […]

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  39. […] But – without fail – someone barfs while he’s gone. Don’t believe me, check out 2008. Or check out 2004. We had successfully stayed vomit-free for four whole days and I made the […]

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  40. […] have been here before. Exhibit A. Exhibit B. Exhibit C. Exhibit […]

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