This afternoon, on my way home from work, I will be making a very important stop. Unlike most Jewish women, who will be stopping at the grocery store to brave the crowds and do some last minute Passover food shopping, i will be somewhere else. i will be at a shoe store, treating myself to a brand-spanking new pair of shoes.
because when i revealed what unhappyAli does to get by, i left out a very important, important piece of information…
when Ali’s husband goes to Las Vegas and leaves her for a week (the week before Passover, no less) with her three children and one of those children (the one who can’t make it to the toilet, of course) decides to get the stomach flu and throws up a total of ten times (as of 7:30 this morning) during the night, when her mom has severe emetophobia, i’m pretty sure that calls for one thing.
well, two. (Bless me, Xanax, for I am anxious)
Shoe Shopping. i’m thinking something black and sandal-y.
I haven’t watched 30 Rock yet. or the Office. (although, i DID watch Survivor before barf-fest ’08, hells, yeah. holy freakin’ crap. Ozzy. my poor Ozzy. blindsided with an immunity idol, ousted all James-style.) all i watched last night this
four times in a row. clearly, Isabella isn’t following Andi’s house rules…and can i just add for measure that Cinderella is really the WORST princess movie. (well, maybe Snow White is…) but dear god, it’s bad. so bad. and it’s even worse at 5am. masterpiece, my ass.
i haven’t showered or brushed my hair or put in my contacts or put on deodorant. (i’m all kinds of HOT this morning) and i can’t remember if i brushed my teeth. i think i did. maybe.
i haven’t had coffee yet (don’t you know, emetophobes can’t. i won’t be able to eat or drink anything for days. until i know the flu has passed)
what i have done is washed 10 sets of pajamas. and 10 towels. and two sets of bed linen. i have washed my hands too many times to count, but based in the dryness and the crack-ed-ness of ’em this morning, i can probably estimate that it was more than necessary. I have cried. and had at least 3 panic attacks.
so, i will be buying a pair of shoes today.
i may even buy two.
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