March 17 20

Welcome to BonkersLand, folks, where if you find yourself with toilet paper or kosher chicken you are a golden god.

BonkersLand, where my germophobic last 41.5 years have fully prepared me for this because I have been trying not to touch my face for at least 15 years and have had stores of lysol wipes and hand sanitizer in every room of my house for an eternity. I mean, it might be mostly glitter and might smell like a cupcake, but it’s hand sanitizer.

BonkersLand, where my university student, my 12th grader, and my 9th grader are online learning for most of the day and everyone’s playing Zoom Bingo where you get points for every “Can everyone go on mute?” and “Can you see my screen?”

BonkersLand, where I’m going for walks at 7am every morning since I no longer have my Ulpana drop-offs or my half-hour commutes and I no longer have to fight with Isabella over what we listen to on said commutes… Top 40 music (her choice) or podcasts (my choice).

BonkersLand, where even though I can wear leggings as pants and not blow dry my hair or wear makeup, I’m missing my co-workers something fierce.

BonkersLand, where appointments have been canceled — from the kind of important, like, say, blood work for possible thyroid issue and buying progressive glasses because now in addition to my off-the-charts astigmatism I now ave a little +.75 added to my prescription, to the less important, like, say, getting my hair cut and coloured and getting my nails done. Emily and I ordered a dip nail kit and we are going to attempt to do our own nails and it’s going to be hilarious and I’m sure we will post disaster photos.

BonkersLand, where each day I sift through the ICK online to find the GOOD, to find the stories that fill my heart with joy, like impromptu balcony concerts in Jerusalem, and a pair of penguins on a rumspringa-esque journey through the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. I need to fill my heart with the goodness right now. And yours, so I will continue to share.

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BonkersLand, where your mission, if you choose to accept it, and YOU SHOULD BECAUSE LET’S FLATTEN THE HECK OUT OF THIS CURVE PEOPLE, is to hunker down inside your house with your nearest and dearest. And, you know, your zoom and your phones and your netflix and I just bought some puzzles on amazon so there’s that too. It’s going to be annoying at times, sure, it’s going to be Jack Torrance at the Overlook hotel suffocating at times, obviously, and yes, there’s likely going to be days without kosher chicken and my goodness you guys are smart there are ways around it if you don’t have toilet paper.

But I truly, truly believe BonkersLand is worth it.


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