My mother is a crier. When i think of my childhood, I remember the crying. She cried at funerals. She cried watching movies. She cried watching TV. Hell, she cried watching commercials. She cried when my sister and I had ballet recitals, or piano recitals, or kindergarten Hannukah plays. She cried when she held babies. She cried when people were sick. She cried a lot.
I remember thinking, I AM SO GLAD I’M NOT A CRIER.
i mean, not only was i not a crier, i was the opposite.
THE INAPPROPRIATE LAUGHER.
oh, how i am plagued with this. oh hai, i’m Ali. and i laugh at funerals. and don’t think it’s just funerals. no, no. it’s at hospitals. while kissing. during exams. job interviews. at the ballet.
and then i went and had myself a child.
i’m a fucking crier.
i cry watching movies, and tv shows, and stupid-ass Bell commercials (bonus crying if they are aired around the holidays), i cry when loved ones leave me, i cry when i hold newborn babies, i cry at ballet recitals, i cry when people give awards show acceptance speeches (damn you, Kate Winslet at the Golden Globes for making me weep. twice.), i cry when other people cry.
i cry when i have to drive home in my stick-shift car during crazy snowstorms. oh, how there was crying yesterday, folks. i cried the entire drive home. the drive that took me over an hour (i’m usually home in 15 minutes). i cry when i realize that winter in Toronto lasts well into MAY and it’s not even February.
ohmigod, you all, i can’t make it through an entire episode of The Biggest Loser without crying like Ed Norton sobs into Bob’s bitch tits.
some movies need to come with disclaimers. Marley and Me, for example. I saw this movie, because the kids wanted to see it, and i sat in the back and cried big, fat, sobby tears. (please note: Marley and Me was one of the worst movies i have ever seen in my life. ‘Heel the Love’ as a tagline? WHAT? false advertising at it’s worst, my friends)
so, why did no one tell me what was going to happen to me when i saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button????????
i cried so hard that i couldn’t breathe. and then i cried some more. and cried some more. and cried some more. it was take-your-breath away kind of crying. i lost my shit when they said that “and some people are meant to dance” line.and the postcards! those damn postcards! i cried for ten minutes after the movie had ended while the husband sat beside me, innappropriately laughing at my expense.
so, now, i’m a crier.
and i’m currently looking for a good waterproof mascara and eyeliner. am thinking i can just ask Richard Alpert…
(note: i may or may not have cried while watching LOST last night. i’ll never tell!)
(note: i definitely, 100%, cried while catching up on this season’s Big Love episodes)