September 4 09

This morning in the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru I got a small coffee instead of my usual medium (which, by the way, why is everything in the states totally supersized? a medium coffee at DD is significantly bigger than a LARGE at Tim Horton’s. and the large at DD is, well, it’s trough-sized) (also, I pine for Tim Horton’s. pine.) Anyway, the reason for the smaller size was two-fold…firstly, I – like someone else I know – cannot, try as I might, finish any drink I ever order. It’s not the first time I have mentioned this. I have the best intentions, really, but I suffer from a sort of coffee ADD. I drink and it’s all well and good in its caffeine-y goodness and then all of a sudden I’m all “oh look! a bird!” and before I know it, the coffee is cold – and then either requires microwaving or requires replacement. So, today I thought, “let’s see what you can do with a SMALL! oh, yeah, self, you can totally down that puppy!”

and secondly, the husband came up with an idea to squandor away the small amount of money I save on the smaller size for something. for something. something I never thought he’d suggest; something that almost made me hump him right there in the parking lot, but, I know how awful this is to do on the internet…lalala I have news but I can’t tell you! but, you are going to have to wait for this one.

My sister arrives today at 11:40. I am so excited, I can hardly contain myself. Because not only does her visit mean that I will get to shop (for some Betty Draper-esque dresses, for I am determined to, like she does, wear shirwaist dresses and pearls everywhere, even to drive carpool) for the first time in too long to even calculate, but it’s my sister. She is the only other person on this planet who grew up the way I did, who understands how it’s nothing short of a mirable that we are upright and functioning members of society and not, you know, hanging out in some padded room somewhere. or, worse…


which, you know, speaking of wieners, we are planning to take the kids to the Braves game tonight, and the husband asks me and my sister…”do you guys want to sit in the $45 all-you-can-eat hot dog section?” which, of course, leads me to think: ASSHOLE! because, as my sister says, we don’t even know what he is insinuating…is he calling us fat? is she calling us pigs? is he saying we love wiener?

also, somewhat related to wiener…my daughter is taking HEALTH CLASS, which scared the ever-living shit out of me, but the first week of school, she came home with this pamphlet all about the heart and how important it is and all the things you can do to keep your heart healthy like exercise and not smoke so here I was all cocky-like (no pun intended here, folks) and thought…health class! it’s awesome! and then she comes home from school yesterday and says, “Mommy…our next unit in Health class is about sexical abuse! Mommy, what’s that?”

and then I died.

but not before I threw out my almost finished small cup of coffee.

  1. What grade? Seems young. My advice (not that you asked) is to try and talk to her a bit about it before so she is not totally blindsided. Yup, totally weird and uncomfortable but, IMO, worth it.

    I guess it is a good thing to empower kids with information but you don’t want their innocence blown. My son gets the “Your Changing Body” class this year. Thankfully he already knows most of this stuff! He is a firm supporter of Axe deodorant 🙂

    Comment by Jen Maier on September 4, 2009
  2. Wow, that does seem a little on the young side. I bet they’re just giving them enough information so they know what kind of behavior, etc. is bad, so they’ll tell someone.

    The iced coffee drink sizes at DD are ENORMOUS. The first time I got coffee there, I asked for a large and nearly fainted when they gave it to me. Who needs 64 ounces of anything in the morning?

    Comment by Tutugirl on September 4, 2009
  3. that does seem young, but kids these days know more than we did at their age. All they have to do is turn on the radio or tv……

    Comment by rayli on September 4, 2009
  4. Seriously, DD does have enormous drinks! It will take me all morning to finish a medium coffee. If I’m particularly tired, I get the large (but only when they are running a contest where I get the scratch off thingy on the large and not the medium.)

    My mom drinks an XL coffee from DD EVERY DAMN DAY!

    Also, that seems REALLY early for health. Although, we had our first intro into it in 5th grade, when we went to the sex ed center with videos and such. I’m still traumatized by it, obviously.

    Comment by Kristabella on September 4, 2009
  5. Sit in the all you can eat section to save money. A weiner at a ballgame can set you back $6-$8 EACH. So he’s not saying your fat, he’s saving you cash that you will need for the doctor after all the “free” hot dogs you’ll end up eating! 😉

    Comment by Hockeyman on September 4, 2009
  6. Sexical? Wait…isn’t that the hottest new musical on Broadway?

    Comment by TrenchesofMommyhood on September 4, 2009
  7. That picture is hilarious.

    Comment by C @ Kid Things on September 4, 2009
  8. omg. thats kinda horrifying.
    .-= Shosh´s last blog ..Back to school….to prove to Dad….that I’m not a fool….. =-.

    Comment by Shosh on September 4, 2009
  9. Wait, she’s learning WHAT in school? And she’s in grade 3?

    Comment by SciFi Dad on September 4, 2009
  10. A moment, if I could, to continue on the weiner theme here – when I was in school, once every couple weeks, the we would be served a delicacy dubbed Weiner Winks on the hot lunch menu. Weiner Winks. God, years later, I still love to say it. Weiner Winks. It was, pure and simple, pigs in a blanket, but pigs in a blanket? Yawn. Boring. But Weiner Winks? That’s just zingy. And perhaps inappropriate, but totally zingy.
    .-= fadkog´s last blog ..i give you the greatest post about nothing ever! =-.

    Comment by fadkog on September 4, 2009
  11. are you kidding!?!? they’re teaching that in health class??? whatever happened to- “this is your period. deal with it.”

    mmm coffee….I totally need some now. 🙂
    .-= Reinventing Amy´s last blog ..Buckets of Crazy. =-.

    Comment by Reinventing Amy on September 4, 2009
  12. Graham came home with a pamphlet about “inappropriate touching” when he was in Kindergarten.


    Comment by Angella on September 4, 2009
  13. Wiener! snicker snicker I was in Grade 4 & almost peed my pants every Health class we had. Actually it still makes me giggle when I think about it, guess I am still so immature.
    .-= NaomiJesson´s last blog ..I’m ALIVE! =-.

    Comment by NaomiJesson on September 5, 2009
  14. LOL! Oh man, I didn’t have sex-related health class until 6th grade. It was horrible, but fun. Plenty of great wiener jokes since I was the only girl in the class.

    Comment by Angel on September 5, 2009
  15. DD totally makes everything in size WACK.

    Comment by Maria on September 5, 2009
  16. sexical = funniest incorrect English I’ve heard today!

    I went to Catholic school, so “sex” didn’t even EXIST in my world until 7th grade / public school. Good luck with that! bwahahahaha…
    .-= loren´s last blog ..Just visuals… nonsensicals to come later =-.

    Comment by loren on September 5, 2009
  17. What grade is she in? Around here (Ohio) they have to send permission slips home if they want to talk to them about anything of the ‘sexical’ nature. At least in Elementary school.

    Comment by DE Heather on September 5, 2009
  18. Are you going to use all that cash you’re saving to have another little one? Is this why we’re on the wiener theme and all? 🙂

    Comment by alison on September 6, 2009
  19. But wait – I want to know if you sat in the all-you-can-eat section and how many hot dogs you can eat. How can you leave me hanging like this?

    Comment by Avitable on September 6, 2009
  20. Oh, happy shopping, my dear! I wish I could zap over a cup of Timmie’s for you… it would also give me an excuse to get one for myself. 🙂

    Wow, that is young. Our health class didn’t cover sexical education until Grade 8. Mind you I went to an all-girls’ Catholic school, and it was the ’80s.

    Comment by Nenette on September 6, 2009
  21. I never finish a drink either.

    I have half empty pop cans, water bottles, glasses of long forgotten drinks – all over the damn house. Constantly.

    Comment by Miss Britt on September 7, 2009
  22. Sexical Education in grade WHAT? Isn’t she too young for that? She has to be too young for that. And, you HAVE to finish the coffee. No matter what. I totally get that (but with chai, of course)

    Comment by Cheaty on September 7, 2009
  23. What is she, in 3rd grade? That does seem young. Isn’t it sad that we have to make kids aware of that big, ugly world out there. My kids got sex education in 5th grade. Me? I was in 8th grade when we saw the big “movie” about sex. Oooooh! The girls were separated from the boys. (C’mon – it was a Catholic grade school!) I still remember the line, “And the penis gets engorged in blood.” Yowser!

    Comment by pat on September 14, 2009

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