March 13 09

so, i ventured downtown all Han style TWICE this week

(i’ll wait until it clicks)

(no? not yet? answer: SOLO)

(funny, yes? well, Barney always is)

and i have to say that even though i slid my metrocard in BACKWARDS and then tried to go through the wrong turnstyle and yes, the dudes in the booth had a good chuckle when i said “it’s not my fault! i’m a suburban girl!” i am feeling pretty liberated. There is something super nice about going somewhere ALONE and not having to worry about traffic or getting a dead leg from your stupid stick shift or trying to ignore your screaming kids or figuring out how to Macguyver that water bottle all the way to a kid in the way way back of the van or having to stop to pee. It was just me and the day or, well, it was just me and my ipod. and luckily, this time, there were no men in brown cords farting on me. so, there’s that.

and then i picked up Ilana at her office.

and then the big, green monster came out to play. ohmigod, you all. she doesn’t have to go outside. EVER. her building is connected to the subway station. connected! (which means that she doesn’t have to walk through the damn subzero wind tunnel every morning. which means that every time she wears a skirt, she doesn’t pull a Britney in front of her building. which means that she doesn’t suffer from the snotcicles.) and in this building is not one, but about EIGHT different coffee shops which means, unlike yours truly, she doesn’t have to GET INTO HER CAR TO DRIVE SOMEWHERE TO GET A COFFEE. and don’t even get me started on the shopping. just don’t. i might cry.

(why am i not a dentist why am i not a dentist why am i not a dentist)

and don’t get me started on the boy who tried to pick us up at the Leafs game.

note: not him. HE was way more of a gentleman


i call him a boy despite his actual age in years…because his lines…oh my lordy, his lines!!!

he was all, “don’t be alarmed if my friend here drops half of his subway sandwich on you girls. that’s just him eating normally!” wink, wink.


and then he was all “what did you guys do to make the people beside not come back? is it the way you smell? NO! it can’t be. i’m sure you all smell lovely! Well, at least one of you [looking at Ilana] I will be the judge, though. what do you [looking at me] smell like…au natural? nice and subtle?”


firstly, i smell awesome. secondly, where did this guy get his material?? and here’s the kicker, HE WASN’T EVEN DRUNK. but at the moment i kind of wanted to flag-down our in-seat service guy (oh yes! we had in-seat service! AWESOME!) to get me a big ole drink.

  1. Wow, that boy had game! *wink* But I must say thanks to the Leafs for losing. My Islanders are playing well right now and it’s messing up our chances at a number 1 draft pick. In-seat service? Remind me to look you up when I come to Toronto! Someday I will go there and I will spend a day in the hall. But I will wait until it’s warmer.

    Comment by Hockeyman on March 13, 2009
  2. First, I would have paid $7 to pour a beer on that guys head. Second, you need some better come backs.. Ex.. Susan (don’t ever use your pals, real name in this because you don’t need a stalker) do you smell that? I think a used car sales men just invaded our area.

    Comment by WickedStepMom on March 13, 2009
  3. (just shaking my head)

    Mac and Cheeses last blog post..I Suppose it’s One Way to Travel…

    Comment by Mac and Cheese on March 13, 2009
  4. 1) How did the Leafs loose? Tampa Bay’s what, 14th in their conference? Well, I guess even a retarded dog finds a bone once in a while.
    2) I LOVE it when guys try and pull out good shit like that. I like to egg them on, and then when they ask for my number I give them the number for Planned Parenthood.

    Comment by MonsteRawr on March 13, 2009
  5. hahaha! gosh what a doofus that guy was.what do you smell like? um really wowwell i know what he smelled like…

    Comment by LAVENDULA on March 13, 2009
  6. I pretty much missed everything after “the leafs lost” because I was doing my happy dance. and by “happy dance” I mean “Leafs suck! dance”

    Comment by hillary on March 13, 2009
  7. I can’t believe you took a photo with the mascot.

    Kristabellas last blog post..Still Tired. And Confused. Now, with Whine!

    Comment by Kristabella on March 13, 2009
  8. I remember living in Montreal and having the underground city at my fingertips on cold snowy days.

    Now I have a house in the suburbs that gets way more fucking snow than I want.

    Comment by SciFi Dad on March 13, 2009
  9. And he probably wonders why he is single…

    Comment by Angella on March 13, 2009
  10. I’ll bet my last dollar that dude sitting behind you has an armpit fetish a la Flirting with Disaster. Living on the subway and / or PATH rules.

    Comment by katie ~ motherbumper on March 13, 2009
  11. That dude probably skins women in a pit in his house, because seriously?!

    fadkogs last blog know how rock radio stations have silly names for the days of the week? well, I dub this ‘thuck you, thursday!’

    Comment by fadkog on March 13, 2009
  12. see ali…you do get picked up. I had a great time too!!

    Comment by Lan on March 13, 2009
  13. Yeah, I didn’t read this so closely and I totally thought you were talking about the mascot.

    Comment by slynnro on March 13, 2009
  14. Seriously creepy weird dude. Bad lines – like insulting a girl?
    So I am really digging the Me and The Day thing, except that’d be tough with 2 little ones, but its something to work towards maybe….

    monstergirlees last blog post..I’ve Memed Myself Because I Didn’t Know Where To Turn….

    Comment by monstergirlee on March 13, 2009
  15. Alli, I have a confession to make.

    Whenever you post pictures of yourself, I secretly hope you gain 10 pounds and get a zit.

    GAH you’re gorgeous!

    Comment by Miss Britt on March 14, 2009
  16. Look, you picked up a hawt dog (groan…sorry, couldn’t resist.)

    I haven’t been on the TTC in ages, as I recall most of the subway cars smelled like brown-cord farts.

    Comment by Karen MEG on March 14, 2009
  17. metroPASS, Ali, metroPASS.

    Last time we went to a Leafs game, a v. cute dutch boy tried to pick us up. Better pickins in the cheap seats, I guess 😉

    Comment by kgirl on March 14, 2009
  18. Yeah, being a Canucks fan, I’m okay with the Leafs losing. 😉

    That boy sounds awful! Man, he needs some new pick-up material.

    Comment by Courtney on March 15, 2009
  19. That dentist song! HAHAHAHA.

    I’ve had some guys attempt to “charm” me in similar ways. I wonder if men like that EVER GET LAID IN THEIR WHOLE LIVES?

    Becks last blog post..Boring boring boring

    Comment by Beck on March 15, 2009
  20. Wow, my husband uses those lines on me when he wants see me freak out on his ass! “What do you smell like?” Pfft.

    Oh, yeah, I love those events I can go to on my own — no kids, no hubs, lots of parking because I love to take the car (virtually no traffic here in Winnipeg).
    Doesn’t happen often enough.

    Comment by Nenette on March 15, 2009
  21. yeah, but, Miss Britt,I’M not in any hot blogger calendars, am i????!?

    Comment by ali on March 16, 2009
  22. Someone should offer seminars on How Not To Sound Like a Numb Nut. Hot women like you could carry around business cards for said seminars and hand them out as needed.

    Mooses last blog post..In Which I Only Swear Twice. I Consider That a Win.

    Comment by Moose on March 16, 2009

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