so, i ventured downtown all Han style TWICE this week

(i’ll wait until it clicks)

(no? not yet? answer: SOLO)

(funny, yes? well, Barney always is)

and i have to say that even though i slid my metrocard in BACKWARDS and then tried to go through the wrong turnstyle and yes, the dudes in the booth had a good chuckle when i said “it’s not my fault! i’m a suburban girl!” i am feeling pretty liberated. There is something super nice about going somewhere ALONE and not having to worry about traffic or getting a dead leg from your stupid stick shift or trying to ignore your screaming kids or figuring out how to Macguyver that water bottle all the way to a kid in the way way back of the van or having to stop to pee. It was just me and the day or, well, it was just me and my ipod. and luckily, this time, there were no men in brown cords farting on me. so, there’s that.

and then i picked up Ilana at her office.

and then the big, green monster came out to play. ohmigod, you all. she doesn’t have to go outside. EVER. her building is connected to the subway station. connected! (which means that she doesn’t have to walk through the damn subzero wind tunnel every morning. which means that every time she wears a skirt, she doesn’t pull a Britney in front of her building. which means that she doesn’t suffer from the snotcicles.) and in this building is not one, but about EIGHT different coffee shops which means, unlike yours truly, she doesn’t have to GET INTO HER CAR TO DRIVE SOMEWHERE TO GET A COFFEE. and don’t even get me started on the shopping. just don’t. i might cry.

(why am i not a dentist why am i not a dentist why am i not a dentist)

and don’t get me started on the boy who tried to pick us up at the Leafs game.

note: not him. HE was way more of a gentleman

i call him a boy despite his actual age in years…because his lines…oh my lordy, his lines!!!

he was all, “don’t be alarmed if my friend here drops half of his subway sandwich on you girls. that’s just him eating normally!” wink, wink.

SERIOUSLY?

and then he was all “what did you guys do to make the people beside not come back? is it the way you smell? NO! it can’t be. i’m sure you all smell lovely! Well, at least one of you [looking at Ilana] I will be the judge, though. what do you [looking at me] smell like…au natural? nice and subtle?”

SERIOUSLY??!?!?! WHAT?

firstly, i smell awesome. secondly, where did this guy get his material?? and here’s the kicker, HE WASN’T EVEN DRUNK. but at the moment i kind of wanted to flag-down our in-seat service guy (oh yes! we had in-seat service! AWESOME!) to get me a big ole drink.