July 20 11

Today I saw the cutest man I may have ever seen on the subway. He was shorter than I, wearing a red and yellow robe (Buddhist, I’m guessing), a pair of brown Sketchers sandals, and was holding a large Tim Hortons coffee cup. As he went to take a sip of his coffee, he made a face and quickly pulled the cup away from him. I totally get it, I thought. Because it happens to me all the time. The lid opening lines up with the seam of the cup. I looked over his way and nodded in solidarity…I totally hate that too. It felt like some sort of I AM CANADIAN commercial. See? We may look different and speak different languages and, well, one of us wears Sketchers, and yet, here we are. The same.

I wonder if he thinks he should get rid of his land line too.

Because, you guys, my land line is currently the bane of my entire existence.

(I know I always say that my bangs hold his regal title…but can we not have several banes? Or is multiple bane-age frowned upon? Well, either way, my bangs are thisclose to being grown out enough that they will nicely tuck back behind my ears and stop hanging in my eyes, giving me that lovely wet-puppy look. Except when I say lovely, I really mean, uncomfortable, annoying, and highly uncute.)

The following are the people who currently call on our land line: 

My mother

My mother-in-law

Boris, wanting to know if I need help moving.

Alexi, wanting to know if I need help with house painting.

Vlad, wanting to know if I need help with my lawn.

Dimitri, wanting to know if I need help with my window cleaning.

Igor, wanting to know if I need help with my gutters.

Emily’s friends

Josh’s friends

The Royal Bank calling to tell me very important news that I must speak to a representative immediately (TRUTH: It’s not important at all, and there’s no reason to speak to a representative at all)

My friend Ilana

The end.

You see, I have this lovely little smartphone. It is in my hands all the time. It fetches my emails for me, my text messages, my gchats. It’s where I use Twitter, and Facebook, and Pinterest and Instagram. It’s where I check the weather and set my alarm. It’s where I play Settlers of Catan and Angry Birds. It’s where I am currently reading three eBooks.

OH! And did you know? It’s also a TELEPHONE?

It is! Amazing, eh?

So, if someone needs to reach me…I not only have an email address, a gchat account, a facebook account, a twitter feed…but I also have a phone number of my very own! 

So, my goal for the remainder of 2011 is to teach my mother and my mother-in-law and my friend Ilana to use my cell phone number.

And to rid my house of that pesky little 905 home number.

Because, really, I’m never going to answer it anyway. 


  1. I should probably stop admitting this, but I don’t even have a cell phone. I had a prepaid one when I was pregnant both times, but since just haven’t bothered. Would you believe, I actually don’t want people to be able to reach me *all the time*?

    You might as well get rid of the land line; you only really need one or the other, right? The only people who might be upset are Josh and Emily. Unless of course, they’ve got cells too…

    Comment by Jessica on July 20, 2011
  2. Truthfully, that’s why I have kept the land line this long…for the kids.

    Comment by ali on July 20, 2011
  3. LOL CIBC calls me too all the time, telling me it’s very urgent…and yet every time I panic thinking I’ve been the victim of identify theft or something terrible. Every time. Also, a very annoying duct cleaning company with a private number and no company name so I can’t complain about them to the Do Not Call Registry folks.

    Comment by Stephanie on July 20, 2011
  4. My dad is the only person (who isn’t trying to sell me something) who ever calls our land line. We could have gotten rid of it a year ago. But we live in a dead spot and I’m terrified that the one day I actually need to call 911, I won’t have a signal. Me, paranoid? Nah.

    Comment by Anya on July 20, 2011
  5. I have been thinking about doing the same thing! NO ONE calls my home phone except telemarketers. And the doctor. And the only reason I haven’t decided to shut it off is because I don’t want to have to go through the process of changing my phone number on every freaking website that currently has it and calls it.

    Comment by Kristabella on July 20, 2011
  6. I expect that one day my kids will start getting calls from their friends, and I don’t want them calling me. And Craig gets some business calls there.

    I dunno. It would be nice to not have to worry about having a landline. More humming and haaaing over here. Sorry that I can’t be any help.

    (Would you need to get the kids their own cellphones if you got rid of the line?)

    Comment by Wendy [mapsgirl] on July 20, 2011
  7. Yeah. See…I don’t know. they aren’t on the phone THAT much…it’s mostly to arrange playdates, which could easily be done from one of our cellphones. But that may change as they get older…before they are ready for their own phones…

    Comment by ali on July 20, 2011
  8. We got rid of our land line years ago, and it was the best move EVER. Do it.

    Comment by whoorl on July 20, 2011
  9. I have a land line. Basically in case of emergency. I have the phone unplugged though. I mean the cord is hanging on it, unplugged. Mostly because I hate telemarketers. That’s all who uses it.

    Comment by Issa on July 20, 2011
  10. Funny, well-written. Thanks!

    Comment by Dan on July 20, 2011
  11. I don’t even answer my home phone. It really only serves 2 purposes: for bill collectors to call, and for me to ignore bill collectors.

    Comment by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on July 20, 2011
  12. I don’t know how I did it…but my dad ONLY calls my iPhone. It’s as if he forgets we even have a landline.

    Comment by Amanda on July 20, 2011
  13. Ha Boris gets around doesn’t he…

    We pondered the idea of getting rid of the land line but always end up keeping it for emergencies…what emergencies those may be I don’t know yet 😉

    Comment by Charmedone17 on July 20, 2011
  14. you can actually read a book on your iphone?! really? on that small screen? I cannot imagine it

    Comment by maria on July 20, 2011
  15. Ali, it’s one of the very few phone numbers I actually have memorized. So, darn it, I’m gonna use it. (Please don’t take that away from me.)

    Comment by Ilana on July 24, 2011
  16. I will give you my phone number. It’s really easy. I promise you will have it memorized in 5 minutes!
    And then you can call me 100 times a day and I will actually pick up the phone 🙂

    Comment by ali on July 24, 2011
  17. […] in advance and then I write it down exactly nowhere and then I don’t answer my land line (obviously) and then miss my reminder call. It’s amazing I am standing upright, quite […]

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