July 7 08

a conversation:

Isabella, almost 3, regarding her watermelon: Wow! This is REALLY big!

Emily, 7: That’s what she said.

ahem. mother of the year, folks. mother of the year.

have i ever told you about my fear of boats?

Whoa. Hold it. We gotta take a boat?
Yes, sir. To get to the other side of the bay.
Nobody said anything about a boat.
Is there a problem, sir?
No, no problem. I’m just not that crazy about boats, that’s all.
Jesus Christ, Kaffee, you’re in the Navy for crying out loud.
Nobody likes her very much.
Yes, sir!

(movie? anyone? Bueller?)

well, yes, i’m afraid of boats. i don’t do cruises or ferries or kayaks or canoes or even paddle boats. i even hate the Swans at Canada’s Wonderland.

but because my family was in town, we needed to make the most of every minute we decided to take the family down to Centre Island for the day….which meant only one thing to me…a frigging ferry.

i distracted myself on the exactlysixminute ride over by taking photos of Coney Island White Fish. ew. also? kind of hilarious.

we actually had a ridiculously fun day…even though the kids had popsicles that were bigger than them

and made a mess that was bigger than me

so in order to clean them off, i let them swim in their clothes. in a fountain. that had a huge sign that said…no wading. no swimming.

what? i told you i was the mother of the year.

come back tomorrow to hear about our Wall-e adventure. (oh my good god did i love that movie!!) oh, and how we might get a dog. one of these…

for now, just know that i have a serious drinking problem.

and that i have other kinds of problems.

when i have nothing to do, i prove to my husband that my scale is deliberately fucking with my brain. just like my baristas.

same time of day. same scale. same 35 pound weight.

you see? i’m NOT crazy.

  1. lol! My scale does the same thing and I use the same “test” to prove it!!

    I LOVE Centre Island.

    “That’s what she said” is WAY overused by my husband.

    Christines last blog post..

    Comment by Christine on July 7, 2008
  2. Oh…and I do not have permission to view your Coney Island White fish…

    Christines last blog post..

    Comment by Christine on July 7, 2008
  3. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Coney+Island+whitefish

    Comment by Giblet on July 7, 2008
  4. THAT…is why I don’t do scales! I don’t trust ’em…

    Nap Wardens last blog post..Don’t Count Out the Old Broads!

    Comment by Nap Warden on July 7, 2008
  5. Walle was awesome! Where can I get one of those ice pops..yum

    Hockeymans last blog post..Self Image

    Comment by Hockeyman on July 7, 2008
  6. Emily is hilarious. That joke is tired when old men say it, but a seven year old? Comedy genius!

    Kristabellas last blog post..I Love Reality TV

    Comment by Kristabella on July 7, 2008
  7. Shit! I never thought to grab one free weight and measure it. My scale does the SAME THING AND IT MAKES ME WANNA KILL MYSELF. That is all.

    Except, the kids are adorable. 🙂

    Kristies last blog post..My bad

    Comment by Kristie on July 7, 2008
  8. yes i have a temper-MENTAL scale also.

    Comment by LAVENDULA on July 7, 2008
  9. You are the kind of mother I hope to be like. So there.

    Also, that scale is a total bitch.

    Comment by She Likes Purple on July 7, 2008
  10. I would tell you what movie, but you can’t handle the truth.

    I don’t like boats either. If I fall out of a slow moving car, I get a bruise. If I fall out of a slow moving boat, I drown.

    SciFi Dads last blog post..What’s In A Name?

    Comment by SciFi Dad on July 7, 2008
  11. I think my scale is screwing with me ALL THE TIME. I keep trying to trick it, like pretending I’m not going to standing on it and THEN I AM STANDING ON IT, how do you like that, SCALE?

    I had to scroll down past your kids with the popsicles REALLY fast before the baby noticed them and started wailing for a giant popsicle.

    Rebeccas last blog post..Food Costs Money

    Comment by Rebecca on July 7, 2008
  12. But was it before or after the weight had used the restroom? Had it just had a lot of french fries for lunch instead of the watermelon it had the day before?

    Scales don’t lie. That weight us up to something.

    Comment by Backpacking Dad on July 7, 2008
  13. Another testament to why Emily and I would totally be BFF!

    I’m totally the same with boats. Actually, though, I love them, I just know that any sort of boat ride usually translates to me losing my lunch, and that’s never fun for anybody.

    WAAALLLL-EEEE! Love it!

    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..The Land of the Midnight Sun

    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on July 7, 2008
  14. I knew it! (about the scale). They’re evil.

    Renees last blog post..Flying Solo

    Comment by Renee on July 7, 2008
  15. I’m probably the only one here who didn’t know what a Coney Islan Whitefish is. LOL I’ll chalk it up to leading a sheltered Okie life. You’re always expanding my worldly knowledge, Ali.

    Comment by AJ on July 7, 2008
  16. LOL at Emily! Did you fall on the floor when she said that? Better watch that girl.

    And I’m glad I’m not the only one with a drinking problem.

    You are so funny!

    threeundertwos last blog post..Physics 101

    Comment by threeundertwo on July 7, 2008
  17. At least Emily showed restraint with the blue humor while eating that giant popsicle.

    So funny…you are raising a little Kathy Griffin!

    Mikes last blog post..PART SEVEN…The Amazing Story of Madeline Alice’s Birth!

    Comment by Mike on July 7, 2008
  18. My digital scale showed a difference of 1.6 pounds when I had the towel wrapped around me as compared to when I was nekkid.
    They totally fuck with us.

    TrenchesofMommyhoods last blog post..A Marriage Story

    Comment by TrenchesofMommyhood on July 7, 2008
  19. “That’s what she said”. Ha!

    I am sure my kids will be right behind yours 🙂

    Angellas last blog post..Forever Friends

    Comment by Angella on July 7, 2008
  20. “a few good men,” obviously.

    and yeah, “wall-e” was totally awesome. i’ve seen it twice so far. 🙂

    Laras last blog post..Airplane Scribblings and a Q&A Google-age

    Comment by Lara on July 7, 2008
  21. I wasn’t allowed to be afraid of boats. My dad was a sailor. Like competitively.

    Aimee Greeblemonkeys last blog post..A Call for the Silver Platters to Reunite!

    Comment by Aimee Greeblemonkey on July 7, 2008
  22. A well placed “that’s what she said” will never get old. From a seven-year-old, even more funny.

    And, um, yeah… my scale has been messing with me too. *wink* For the past year it has been weighing heavier and heavier. No really, it is the scale!

    Megans last blog post..Completely Unrelated

    Comment by Megan on July 7, 2008
  23. stupid work made me too slow to comment – I wanted to be the first to name the movie! Mike thought it hilarious to teach Matt to say “You can’t handle the truth!” and “you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall” before he could really even form full sentences. hehe

    pgoodnesss last blog post..birth day!! and other stuff

    Comment by pgoodness on July 7, 2008
  24. I like how people are naming the movie without naming the movie. Do we get any points for naming the additional Bueller movie reference? 🙂

    You got off easy with a 6 minute ride. What about all the people flaggelating themselves with rubber bands snapped against their wrists for 5 and a half hours from Seattle to Orlando?

    btw – thank you for saying hello on my blog!

    Comment by Margaret on July 7, 2008
  25. You are hilarious! That coney island white fish thing – SO funny! I swear every time I get on here there are 10 more people reading you! You’re practically famous! I saw the scholastic books you wrote about. You are FAMOUS girl! 🙂
    Famous or not. You make me laugh and that’s why I’m hooked!

    nicoles last blog post..My baby turns 4!!!

    Comment by nicole on July 7, 2008
  26. I NEED one of those popsicles.

    Also- 9 days! 9 days!

    slynnros last blog post..Being a grown up just fucking sucks. Really.

    Comment by slynnro on July 7, 2008
  27. I LOVE boats but HATE the water. Not swimming pools but lakes and oceans. WAY too many people that have never been found combined with WAY too big of an imagination.

    Loralees last blog post..Sideblog: BLOG NOSH MAGAZINE

    Comment by Loralee on July 7, 2008
  28. That damn scale! How sneaky. Hmph. Good thing I don’t own one (I’m obsessive).

    I can’t stand boats and have to take motion whatsitcalled to not hurl. Too bad, too, cuz the man is in the Navy. Just as long as HE’S on the boats and not me!

    marys last blog post..She Works Hard for the Money

    Comment by mary on July 7, 2008
  29. I love love love boats!

    We did the liftlock cruise in Peterborough on Saturday. Very cool!

    That’s very strange about your scale. I would hate that!

    Teena in Torontos last blog post..Monday workout

    Comment by Teena in Toronto on July 7, 2008
  30. Anytime the word liquor comes up in a sentence (it used to happen quite frequently), my daughter exclaims, “Why, I hardly knew her!”


    a lover of bad Rodney Dangerfield movies.

    gorillabunss last blog post..the usual

    Comment by gorillabuns on July 7, 2008
  31. That doggy looks like a shih tzu. I have one of those. She is very sweet. Hardly sheds. Love her to pieces.

    Comment by maria on July 7, 2008
  32. That’s what she said… heehee – it’s only a matter of time before my kids start repeating it too. Hey – it was used PERFECTLY!

    jennyonthespots last blog post..Make Me Laugh Monday

    Comment by jennyonthespot on July 8, 2008
  33. Your kids are way too cute!

    180/360s last blog post..Opening a can of worms

    Comment by 180/360 on July 8, 2008
  34. Hmm..perhaps the weights are retaining water?

    Comment by Marinka on July 8, 2008
  35. I love boats and even I hate those stinkin’ swans at Wonderland!!!

    Multi-Tasking Mommys last blog post..A Question for Mommy

    Comment by Multi-Tasking Mommy on July 8, 2008
  36. I see most children are far more clever than my own. They just sit around making fart noises.

    Lauras last blog post..It’s Pizza Time!

    Comment by Laura on July 8, 2008
  37. […] the family room because i’m too tired to argue with them and force them to eat at the table. my kids use ‘that’s what she said‘ correctly. i hide junk food from my kids and when they catch me sneaking it, i tell them it’s […]

    Pingback by Cheaper Than Therapy » Blog Archive » mother.of.the.year. (7 years running!) on July 24, 2008

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