the Britney vs the Bible sags continues…

Josh: hey mommy, this is where the dead people are

me: you’re right, Joshie. it’s a cemetery.

Josh: that’s where Moses lives now. but not Britney. she didn’t die.

Emily: Josh, you’re such a doof. there are many more people who are way more important to us that died. like great grandpa. he’s way more important than Moses. but great grandpa lives in a box now. and Moses doesn’t live in Toronto.

Josh: that’s right. he lives in the Torah.

this is thousands of dollars in Jewish education…

Emily is a huge wolf-crier. and a drama queen. seriously, y’all, the combination is lethal. she’s that kid. the one who is always in need of a band-aid. or the one who can’t possibly sleep because her stomach hurts her soooooo baaaaaad. she always has a complaint of some sort…that always turns out to be nothing. so, when she started complaining about her eyes, i hesitated to believe her.

but, i figured the two older kids were in need of a check-up anyway…and i needed to pick up my brand-spanking new pair of Vera Wang’s.

okay…what in the holy hell is wrong with my nose in this shot??? my nose is bad, but it’s not this bad. i’m got the Walter Matthau bulbous-nose thing happening. (and i mean the man no disrespect…but that particular facial feature is not one most would envy)

motherfucker. i guess it’s not my fault. the husband refuses to take pictures of me, so i need to take them myself. and self-portraits never come out well. they end up having funny angles and arms coming out of nowhere. so, naturally, i blame him for my nose. bwah.

but…where was i…hmm…oh, yes, Emily.

the good news is that both Josh and Emily have perfect vision. they read those eye charts like champs…and belly laughed through the dancing baby the dr had up on the screen. my kids are too young to realize that this phenomenon became unfunny in the early nineties.

the bad new is that she was telling the truth. she’s got some sort of allergy and has to take these perscription drops 2-3 times a day. great. she’s my kid who won’t take medicine (classic. there’s always something wrong with her, but she refuses the medication). but last night, i pinned her down and did the deed.

and now i’m not only the eye-drop administrator, i’m now forced to believe her when she comes crying wolf. crap.

i’m officially adding a fifth to my list. Along with Josh Duhamel, Jared Leto, Jude Law and Ryan Gosling….i’m now adding Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

seriously, dude is sex.

i watched Match Point last night. i swear, i thought it was a tennis movie with Kirsten Dunst. only this morning i realize that was an entirely different movie, Wimbledon.

i also…and i know this is going to make haley-o all too happy…might have a slight girl-crush on Scarlett Johansson. I never really understood the appeal…but last night i got it. the woman oozes sex appeal. oozes it.