July 26 10

I am now in the waterpark capital of the world. No, seriously, that’s like, A THING.

Yes. We are here for 4 fun-filled days at a resort that has at least 800 water slides. And this afternoon I had to spend 3 hours on the lazy river in an inner-tube built for two with my son and my desperately-in-need-of-being-shaven legs. I am horrified that those three teenage boys who were lazing beside us had to see them. I have bought two things since I have gotten here – a bag of salt-water taffy the size of my head and a razor. Tomorrow I will go back to being horrified that the teenage boys need to look at my belly pooch. As it should be.

It’s 8:54pm and I should be sitting and getting ready to drool over Don Draper and yet I am sitting in the Glacier Canyon Lodge celebrating my Pirate’s Cove mini-golf victory over my parents and my kids and checking out Chicago real estate. I’m mostly kidding about the Chicago real estate (I’m not at all kidding about the victory. I totally beat my kids at mini-golf. Take that, kids) but I did spend a somewhat surreal weekend in Chicago this past week. I left Chicago in 1996 after graduating high school and have not really been back since. I did once take Emily as an infant to our (kidless at the time) friends and she managed to pee all over their entire apartment and I was probably so mortified that I fled back over the border. They now have five kids, so Emily could probably pee all over their house and they wouldn’t be as horrified. Only, she’s, um 9, so, there’s that. But, cards finally fell into place and I was able to spend a short time in West Rogers Park.

I won’t lie. I walked with Becca for about, um, 8 blocks, at the most, and we ran into at least ten people I went to high school with. Maybe more. Like 87. It was so nice to see people and do the short, short, short what are you up and smoosh some of the their cute babies. It was also slightly embarrassing because had I known I would be having a mini-high school reunion, I probably would have put on some lip gloss. Or at least brushed my hair. So, on one hand I’m all jealous that everyone moved back to Chicago…and their kids are all going to school and camp and the park with each other. How nice would it be to watch a second generation Ali’s high school friends all grow up together? But, then again, I kind of like the fact that in Toronto I can run into Tim Horton’s in flannel pj pants and a wifebeater and not bump into anyone I know. But visiting? WAS SO NICE. And my hosts were very understanding of the fact that my son occasionally comes to the Shabbat table dressed like a giant plush dinosaur and that my children are endless eating machines.

Also, there was lovely smelling lotion in the bathroom, and we even got our own hand towels to dry our hands with. They were even monogrammed. Wrong. But monogrammed, nonetheless. Oh, and they sent us home with three cucumbers and a tomato from their garden. Parting gifts. Also, we got the full Chicago experience complete with power outtages and a/c breakages and live open wires and Chicago Police (no Sergeant Petersons, though) and car accidents and 501s on giant ladies who require more than one set of handcuffs to fit around her chubby, drunken wrists.

So, yes, Chicago was lovely.

But not as lovely as Wisconsin Dells.

Because they didn’t have any of THESE in Illinois…

Why yes, that IS a Moose straddling a pizza delivery car.

(It does also, slightly resemble that statue of Britney Spears giving birth)

There really are no words, people. NONE.

  1. the phrase ‘chubby, drunken wrists’ is so awesome.
    its been 365 days since i last saw the moose jaw car-i had nearly forgotten about it. thanks for reminding what we lays in store next week.

    Comment by obabe on July 26, 2010
  2. I (heart) Moose Jaw Pizza!
    .-= loren´s last blog ..Get lost =-.

    Comment by loren on July 26, 2010
  3. Daah! My eyeballs! They atre burning with Moose-Ass.


    Comment by heidikins on July 26, 2010
  4. I was doing so good. Only slightly snickering, barely audible to those around me. Then you throw in a picture of a moose butt and combine it with the words “pizza delivery car” and “Volkswagon” and I chuckle aloud. THEN you mention Ms. Spears’ L&D statue. Cue maniacal laughter and warning stares. Thanks, Ali. Thanks a lot.

    Comment by Liz on July 26, 2010
  5. Wisconsin Dells is like a whole other world!

    Comment by Kristabella on July 26, 2010
  6. Ya know, I lived in Minneapolis for 25 years, and never once have I been to Wisconsin Dells. Always wanted to, but alas, nope.
    Hope you’re enjoying it.
    (that moose on the car is horrifying, no way I’d order from them)

    Comment by monstergirlee on July 26, 2010
  7. that moose-on-car is so wrong on so many levels.
    but OMG, I laughed so hard, green tea came up through my nose — thank heavens it was iced!

    Comment by Nenette on July 26, 2010
  8. I am *SO* incredibly jealous. I have spent many-a-year in the Dells getting my fair skinned, red-headed self burned to a crisp while at Noah’s Ark. Please, be lapped by a wave at the wave pool for me, go thru the lazy river, or fly down a water slide while my boss denies me my vacation time…

    Comment by Laura on July 26, 2010
  9. I definitely want to think of exposed moose ass when ordering a pizza.

    Comment by Avitable on July 28, 2010
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  11. […] Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Michigan. Eight camps, nine if you include Camp Mommy. One ocean. One waterpark capital of the world. Three sets of grandparents. One trip to Ottawa. One brand-new house. Two hundred games of Settlers […]

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