August 27 08

Emily, to me, this morning: “Mommy, you look SO much like Jamie Lynn Spears today”

me: “oh. really. great. EXACTLY the look i was going for” (insert sarcasm here)

Emily: “but, the Zoey 101 version. not the big and pregnant version”

me: “thanks. um. i think”

and. um. i think she might be right.

shit.

have i ever told you about the time i saw Titanic in IMAX?

well, while the husband spent the entire movie being disturbed by how bad the graphics were in imax…yes, honey, the people on the long shots of the boat looked incredibly fake...i spent the entire movie being disturbed by the blind girl sitting next to me.

i know this sounds bad.

but she was blind. and therefore, couldn’t see. and therefore, brought herself a companion. who spent the entire movie answering her every-30-second question of “what’s happening now?”

and not in the good Leroy and Raj and Rerun way either…

and i thought, it’s nice that she went to see a movie…but perhaps an emptier matinée would have been a better choice? so i didn’t have to hear the movie IN STEREO??!?!?

well, i kind of thought the exact same thing last night.

after i wanted to stab the asshole in front of me in the throat. a man who brought his FIVE-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER to see

(i guess i’m not one to talk since my dad DID take me and my sister to see FLASHDANCE in the theater. when i was FIVE. but still. Iron Man? really? sex? violence? men being ripped from their wives and children? really? a five year old?)

the theater was nearly empty. there was the couple making out in the back. the father-daughter-team. another father-daughter-team (at least we hoped they were, but there may have been a little bit too much, erm, touching for them to be related) there was Tova and Me.

and then there was the special school. on a field trip. to see Iron Man.

which, i think, was really, really nice. (remember this before you judge me)

but my first thought was..”wouldn’t a matinée be a better choice?”

because there were outbursts. many, many outbursts. and the screams. lots of screaming. and fidgeting and ticking. it was really distracting. REALLY distracting. and none of the caregivers thought “hey, maybe we should take these kids out of the theater so other people can enjoy the movie they paid to see…”

smile and wave, boys. smile and wave.

two saving graces?

i LOVED the movie, even though i’m the last person on the planet to see it. (but at least i’m not the last one to see Juno, like some people i know…)

i LOVED the dude behind the snack counter, who convinced us to buy the large free-refill popcorn. he handed us a tray, emptied the popcorn into it, and then refilled the popcorn right there for us. one for me. one for Tova. AWESOME.

perhaps i shall go back to just downloading my movies….

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  1. Funny stuff. I especially love the blind woman at the IMAX movie. And yes, it does seem like you are the perfect candidate for downloading or renting movies.

    Debbies last blog post..Wanted: Date night advice

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    Comment by Debbie on August 27, 2008
  2. That is exactly how I felt when I went to see Juno! When I saw a woman bring her 9 or 10 year old daughter in to the movie, I thought really? This is an adult comedy! I fully admit to silently judging them… okay not so silently because my friend and I sure did talk about them very loudly, but the mother NEEDED to know.

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    Comment by Lissa on August 27, 2008
  3. I think you should look at it like SHE looks like YOU… jsut sayin’; also, Iron Man was made of Win. I mean, I’ll deny it up, down, left, right and around if asked, but… you know, RDJ hotness.

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    Comment by Mari on August 27, 2008
  4. AACKK–it ate my last comment!

    The hubs and I went to see Batman and there was a lady there with her three and six year old little girls. We were all wth get a sitter and I gave her an evil mommy death glare.

    KD @ A Bit Squirrells last blog post..Miss My Stretch-Marks??

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    Comment by KD @ A Bit Squirrell on August 27, 2008
  5. I am with you completely on the movie stuff. When I saw The Dark Knight there were several toddlers in the theater. Seriously, why would anyone take a small child to see that?

    And thanks for the Iron Man picture. Yum. I love me some RDJ.

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    Comment by Megan on August 27, 2008
  6. OMG! My husband and kids took me to see Iron Man for Mother’s Day (I know…seriously, it was for them, event though, can I get me some RD Jr., already?), and right behind me plopped a dad and his three-year-old twin boys. They clearly were out to give Mommy a break. They spent the entire movie asking Daddy “Is him good guy or bad guy?” “Why him not dead yet?” “Him dead now?” “When him be Iron Man?” For two hours!

    Sigh. On and on and on and on. Truly RD Jr., was the only saving grace.

    differentkindofgirls last blog post..things I think are the tits*

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    Comment by differentkindofgirl on August 27, 2008
  7. my monkey is 11 and i won’t take her to see tdk. it left me feeling ‘off’. we’ll wait to rent it.

    and i still haven’t seen ironman OR juno. i am officially the last person.

    zeghsys last blog post..brr…

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    Comment by zeghsy on August 27, 2008
  8. At least she chose Zoey Spears and not older sister Skanky Spears, right? Jamie Lynn as Zoey is pretty fashionable!

    I have not seen Juno OR Iron Man…ohhh the shame!!

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    Comment by AJ on August 27, 2008
  9. I have not yet seen Iron Man. So I am the last person on the planet. I really want to see it too…

    Hockeymans last blog post..What the heck is a meme?

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    Comment by Hockeyman on August 27, 2008
  10. I have not seen Iron Man yet. I HAVE seen Juno. Twice.

    Angellas last blog post..Always Be My Baby

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    Comment by Angella on August 27, 2008
  11. What’s Happenin! Ahhh…Rerun dancing…I love that show. The episode where they went to the Doobie Brother’s concert is still my favorite.

    I took my 4 & 2 years old to see Iron Man. 4 times. Not a peep out of either of them. Better not have been, it was their idea to go the xtra 3 times.

    Marias last blog post..“…One post to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.”

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    Comment by Maria on August 27, 2008
  12. I’m know I’m going to hell but, I would have gotten up and moved away from the talker in the IMAX movie – blind or not.

    gorillabunss last blog post..come on, let me baby-sit your children

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    Comment by gorillabuns on August 27, 2008
  13. i have seen JUNO but not iron man. i love robert downey jr. one of my fave actors.but haven’t seen IRON MAN yet.i am pretty picky about what my children watch and thats just because A i don’t want to answer questions about certain subjects and theres too much sex violence etc in some movies…

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    Comment by LAVENDULA on August 27, 2008
  14. No, not the last person…. Apparently, I’M the last person…. But, I’ve been cooped up with a little sicky and out of town for the last while…. So, I’s okay….

    Haley-Os last blog post..Mama, Are You Mad?

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    Comment by Haley-O on August 27, 2008
  15. I cant go to movies because of the crunching pop corn…instant insanity.

    Punk Rock Dads last blog post..School Lobby

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    Comment by Punk Rock Dad on August 27, 2008
  16. People are idiots. When I got out of high school I worked at a movie theatre around the time of Good Will Hunting, Titanic and Saving Private Ryan were out.

    People would bring thier kids to see Saving Private Ryan? What the hell? Little kids! 7,8,9. That is definatley not a movie for kids, whatsoever!

    People are just dumb.

    Rubys last blog post..The Colbert Report

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    Comment by Ruby on August 27, 2008
  17. I saw “House Bunny” this week … and there were parents with their kids. Huh?! Not appropriate at all considering Anna Faris’ naked butt and the nature of the movie.

    Teena in Torontos last blog post..Chillin’ Chicks supper

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    Comment by Teena in Toronto on August 27, 2008
  18. Ok so I’m not the only judgey chick around. Glad to know. :)

    There was a couple of deaf women when I went to see Hancock and they were talking, loudly to each other throughout. I kept thinking, if you know how to sign (which they did), wouldn’t that be more appropriate in a freaking movie? Cause I know you can’t hear how dam loud you are, but we all can.

    Kids in movies…well I go back and forth, because I take mine to movies that some people won’t, but if they are making noise and disturbing others, they need to be removed.

    Issas last blog post..The cracked ceiling

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    Comment by Issa on August 27, 2008
  19. When I went and saw LOTR3, there were parents there that brought THREE kids. The youngest was about 2ish and whined for 1/2 hour that he “needed to go kaka”. Someone politely asked the parents to “take their kid to the bathroom already”, and the next thing I knew, a fist fight broke out. Srsly. The drama queen in me wanted to rip off my shirt and hold up a sign like you see in wresting matches… the cheap ass in me went and demanded my money back.
    Some parents suck.

    Sams last blog post..Indecent Exposure

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    Comment by Sam on August 27, 2008
  20. Nope, havent seen it! So glad I can help you not be the last of something Jamie Lynn!

    Misss last blog post..I’m flattered, I’m irritated, and I’m obligated

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    Comment by Miss on August 27, 2008
  21. I saw Tropic Thunder this week (obviously it was not my turn to pick.) There was a man there with two boys who were clearly under the age of 10. Blew my mind. Literally the first scene was a fake ad for an energy drink called booty sweat which featured 2 sweaty bootys jiggling in a man’s face. Awesome.

    hillarys last blog post..ABC 123 Baby You And Me Girl – Part 2

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    Comment by hillary on August 27, 2008
  22. That popcorn dude should be Employee of the YEAR.

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    Comment by Assertagirl on August 27, 2008
  23. I shall not judge because I feel the same way. I am sorry but movies are expensive and to pay that kind of money to not be able to fully enjoy it is bs. I fully loved Iron Man and will be buying it when I can. I agree though on downloading. Heck I would love to do ppv or on demand with my cable company but they have yet to make it as easy as I would like.

    Jenns last blog post..Can I ask your advice?

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    Comment by Jenn on August 27, 2008
  24. We went to see a movie last night, too! Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Typical Woody Allen flick, but I liked it.

    And dude, I thought Iron Man was AWESOME!

    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..Well, Glad That’s Behind Us…

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    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on August 27, 2008
  25. Dude, Jamie Lynn is cute. You could do worse.

    slynnros last blog post..Flat Hair Solutions Vol. 8,000,000

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    Comment by slynnro on August 27, 2008
  26. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I hadn’t seen that movie either. My 4 year old sings Iron Man though, does that count?
    I couldn’t believe how many children were at the Dark Knight when we went. Tons, even at 9 pm. I won’t even let my 13 year old boy see it, he is way too sensitive.

    Kristens last blog post..Mixed Blessings

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    Comment by Kristen on August 27, 2008
  27. Iron Man was awesome, but my 5 year old was scared by Wall-E. We watched it from the hallway, safetly near the door.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Squish Your Face Like You Squish My Heart

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    Comment by Captain Dumbass on August 27, 2008
  28. If you need to get anything done today, do NOT get me started on going to the movie theater.

    Margarets last blog post..Priorities, Schmiorities

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    Comment by Margaret on August 27, 2008
  29. This post is totally hysterical, Ali. From head to toe. LOL!

    I saw a Star Wars movie when I was five. Or maybe four. I don’t know what movie it was but I do know that I went with another family, not my parents, and I know if my mom knew what movie I was going to see she wouldn’t have let me go (at least, I hope she wouldn’t have, because it scared the FUCK out of me).

    Also? The exchange you had with your daughter this morning KILLS me.

    [Reply]

    Comment by mamatulip on August 27, 2008
  30. So I’m probably going to be the only one here commenting on Flashdance. But until about a year ago, my husband didn’t know that movie even existed. I screamed when I saw it on cable and then tried to explain the premise. “A lady welder really wants to be a dancer. Her boss sees her dancing. She has a big dog and likes to work off a sweat.” His face got all contorted in confusion. Needless to say, I watched it by myself that night.

    jenboglasss last blog post..A Biker Dude Totally Harshed My Mellow That Wasn’t Even Very Mellow To Begin With

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    Comment by jenboglass on August 27, 2008
  31. Some dude was recently telling me about seeing a blind man (complete with the seeing eye dog) at a strip club! Now, I must say, Titanic blind has to beat a strip club blind. (Strippers aren’t the best conversationalists, after all.)

    Mikes last blog post..DAYTIME HELLIVISION

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    Comment by Mike on August 27, 2008
  32. There have been kids under 10 at the last three R rated movies I went to.

    And I feel like I’m breaking some mommy code by saying this – but it’s distracting as hell!!!!!!! KEEP YOUR KIDS AT HOME AND WAIT FOR THE DVD OR GET A DAMN SITTER LIKE I DID!

    Miss Britts last blog post..12 Reasons I Should Pose Nude

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    Comment by Miss Britt on August 27, 2008
  33. The same thing happened to me at Iron Man, except that the kids (yes that’s plural) were 4 and 6, and had bladders smaller than a pregnant woman. Oh, and did I mention they sat IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FUCKING ROW!?!?

    SciFi Dads last blog post..The Lies She Told Herself

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    Comment by SciFi Dad on August 27, 2008
  34. blind girl at an IMAX?! Really?

    Sensibly Sassys last blog post..Happy Blogoversary To Me!

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    Comment by Sensibly Sassy on August 27, 2008
  35. Found you on The Bloggess! So funny! I totally agree with what you’re saying. Someone brought an infant to The Dark Knight, but it started crying 1 minute into it and it never came back! Oh and I haven’t seen Juno OR Ironman so I’m way out of the loop.

    gingela5s last blog post..Out of All of the Cards in the Deck…

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    Comment by gingela5 on August 27, 2008
  36. I just don’t see movies in the theater anymore…not just because of the general douchbaggery of the audience, but the general suckiness of most movies. I can’t stomach paying $15 an hour for a babysitter to be pissed off during the entire film.

    manager moms last blog post..I’ll Take Manhattan

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    Comment by manager mom on August 27, 2008
  37. Candy Ass and I never agree on what to see at the movies… so he usually gets to pick and I nap. A $20 nap.

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    Comment by Undomestic Diva on August 28, 2008
  38. They’ll do THAT with the popcorn?!! I’m SO excited!

    And I haven’t seen Ironman yet….

    Wendys last blog post..Learn-A-Word Wednesday: quondam \KWAHN-duhm; KWAHN-dam\

    [Reply]

    Comment by Wendy on August 28, 2008
  39. When my boyfriend and I went to see Blood Diamond, there were three kids between 5-10 behind us, kicking the seats half the time. I don’t know if you’ve seen that one…but I imagine it could scare the crap out of kids that young who can’t grasp what’s actually happenning.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Joscelyn on August 28, 2008
  40. First, I haven’t even heard of Iron Man, so you’re off the hook.

    Second, is Juno about the pregnant girl? I think I have that on my Netflix queue.

    Third, you got extra pop corn because you look like Jamie Lynn Spears.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Matthew on August 28, 2008
  41. Just when I think I can’t love you any more, you throw in a What’s Happening Now? reference. Awesome. Simply awesome.

    Kristabellas last blog post..Wordy Recap

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on September 2, 2008
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