i truly believe that children have a sixth sense. not in the creepy “i see dead people” but more in the way they can and do pick the most possible worst times to get sick.
yes. at 4 am i heard those sounds. the sounds that every mother dreads. for me, though, with my emetophobia, those sounds bring on the panics. the very worst kind of panic attacks. the kinds where you can’t breathe. and you feel sick. and you can’t. calm. down. Emily was throwing up.
and hasn’t stopped throwing up. it’s now 8:30 am. i’m supposed to be getting on a flight at 5 to go to New York. my first trip away from the kids in god knows how long. and i don’t even know if we are going anymore.
how can i go? and leave my sick baby! how can i abondon her when she needs me most? what if Isabella and Joshie get it too? how can i go on vacation and spend the entire trip terrified that i’m going to get sick too. after all, i did drink her backwash on monday. if anyone’s going to get it…it’s obviously going to be yours truly.
what would you do? stay home? go anyway?
ETA – it’s actually not Emily that i’m worried about. she’ll be fine. i know this. by tonight i’m sure she’ll be over it, or at least getting there. and i know she’ll be in good hands. it’s the other two. the less independent, understanding ones. i would die if they got sick while i was away.
also, it’s me. i do not want to get sick. and i know it’s coming. i just know. i’m just a big ole’ panicky mess. even with the xanax.
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