May 2 06

the thing about having a blog is there are always things that you can say and things that you can’t.
for instance, you can say that you watched the apprentice last night. no big deal.
but, you can’t, however talk about a friend you are having issues with.
for fear. that someone. might know.
so, usually it’s pretty clear what i can and can not say.
but sometimes…there are things that straddle the lines of appropriate blog material and inappropriate blog material.
yes, i do get brazilian waxed by a woman named argentina. on a fairly regular basis.
yes, i do have a rocky relationship with my inlaws and and even rockier relationship with my mother.
yes, i do truly believe that my ass is hot. smokin’ in fact.
yes, i do truly believe that the rest of me leaves something to be desired…

so, occasionally when i feel the urge to write about something, i do stop and think about my audience. there are many people who read this blog that i know personally. and there are many people who i know that i don’t even realize are reading. so, in the end, there are things that i keep to myself.
but today, i’m feeling bummed about something. i’ve avoided bringing it up on the blog, for fear that people i know are reading. but, today, i say, fuck it, because i need some advice. and the advice i’ve gotten up until now is not going to cut it.

okay. back to basics. the husband and i have a lot of friends. it’s a simple fact. we like to have people over. we like to go out. we are pretty social people. probably me more than he.

there’s one couple who we became friends with a while back. at least a few years. (i know what you are thinking. is she talking about me? who is she talking about? please, i ask you. stop thinking about who it is and just read it for what it is…it will make me much more comfortable about the situation. okay? thanks for that.) then, slowly, we became better friends. and then better friends. i wouldn’t use the term best friends, because, really, who uses that term anymore. but, i would say, one of our closest couple friends.

it’s often hard to become close with people as couples. one on one is easy. if you click, you click. when you throw 4 people into the mix, it grows exponentially. if someone doesn’t click, the entire coupling doesn’t work. so, it’s always nice when you meet a couple and it just works. so, with them, it just worked. we liked hanging out with them. and we did it on a fairly regular basis, bordering on maybe more often than that.

and then, something happened. it just….stopped.
of course, me being a woman and all, and an emotional one at that, immediately began panicking. what did i do? what did the husband do? what’s going on?????
but, alas, i was hugely pregnant and figured that perhaps i was just reading into it too much. maybe i was seeing things that weren’t really there. i started to hate myself for being one of those paranoid people that i get so annoyed with.

but then, i had my baby. i’m not at liberty to say which baby it was.
and they didn’t come to see us.
for 2 weeks.
2 weeks. a long time not to come and visit someone that you’d consider one of your closest friends.
so, i started thinking. what did i do? maybe she’s having trouble getting pregnant and seeing me with a baby hurts her too much? maybe i said something offensive without realizing it? maybe the husband did?
whatever it was….it hurt. and it just continued its downward spiral from there.

i got dumped.
i’d never really gotten dumped before.
and let me tell you. it felt like shit.

well, i let it go.
for a while.
and i brought it up a few times. with them.
only to have them tell me that i was being crazy and it was nothing.

but, i’m not stupid.
i know it’s obviously something.
it was so abrupt. it went from being a close friendship – seeing them at least once a week – to pretty much being no friendship at all. kind of a “hi, how you doing” when i see you type relationship.

so….now that i’ve written an entire bible….i ask you, internet, what do i do?

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