(…no really. I’m asking. Because I have no idea what happens in Vegas.)
I assume that Las Vegas smells like sex and money and desperation and there are lots of Rain Men running about counting cars and all of the cars have naked Senor Chang’s in their trunks and, obviously, there are tigers in all of the bathrooms. Also, there must be some fear and loathing there, right? And maybe a heist of some sort. And the Griswolds are there watching Jessie Spano doÂ naughty (and unintentionally hilarious)Â things and Nic Cage is jumping out of planes full of Elvis impersonators.
I mean, that’s totally what Vegas is like, right?
Since I have never been, I really have zero clue what to expect. I was in Reno once, and spent three hours in a casino at the Roulette table slowly working my way through the $50 limit I allowed myself. And I once got kicked out of the casino in Lake Tahoe, because, I was, um, in high school. And I once went to a casino party in my sister-in-law’s basement. So, obviously, I am a super huge expert on casinos. I don’t know how to play blackjack and I don’t know how to play craps and I don’t even know how to play poker. BUT, I hear that you can play WAR in casinos and, you know, THAT is a game for me. I can kick Emily’s butt at war, so obviously, I’m going to get totally rich at the war tables in Vegas and I will pay off the minivan and be able to buy something that doesn’t scream MOM when I pull out of my driveway.
Oh wait. It’s Spit that I always win.
I am doomed.
(Note to self: Self, spend three hours in a casino at the Roulette table and slowly work your way through the $50 limit you allow yourself.)
The truth, though, is that my virgin voyage to Sin City is about so much more than losing money and stuffing my gob and giant-ass buffets. Nope.
I’m there to watch one of my most favorite people in the entire world say I (STILL) DO.
I’m there to spend time with people that I don’t see enough.
I’m there to hug some people I love.
I’m there to attend Stripper 101.
I’m there to introduce my chef dad to some very important people.
I’m there to spend some time in above zero weather.
I’m there to play the Are-You-A-Hooker-Or-Are-You-Just-A-Wannabe game with ShaunaGlenn.
Apparently, I’m there to see some cowboy hats…word is that the rodeo is in town. (rawr.)
I’m there to spend a couple days without having to drive carpool.
I’m there to have an excuse to wear this.
I can’t wait.