I’m in a very sleepy about-to-get-on-an-airplane-post-Vegas haze. I am not looking forward to sitting on an airplane for many, many hours and landing in a frozen tundra when all I have on is a hoodie and yoga pants. (Yes, I am flying in a hoodie and yoga pants. Don’t judge.) I probably should be sleeping right now because I plan to watch Inception on the plane home. Instead, I am awake and packed and watching a really lame episode of Saved By the Bell (the one where Kelly decides that she loves her boss Jeff after knowing him for about 8 minutes. There are lots of tears and pleated pants involved) and yes, I realize that I am probably the only person in Las Vegas who watches the tv…well, other than the free 80s porn on channel 69 at the Rumor Hotel. The MGM Grand isn’t classy enough to offer *that* service.
So, I am not totally awake enough to write the Las Vegas recap that I’d like to…or that you deserve, but I can tell you a few of the things I learned in Vegas…
1. There are no tigers in bathrooms. BUT, that joke…it seriously doesn’t get old. None of the Hangover jokes get old, for that matter. They are all good. Always. And there may not be any tigers, but there WERE lions in our hotel. So, there’s that.
2. A hairy-chested Elvis always makes for a hunka-hunka-burning good time. Also, he makes you look good.
3. There is no shame in wearing flats in Vegas. There is an ungodly amount of walking involved and blisters and sore feet are totally not worth it. Unless you are a stripper. Which, I learned through my Stripper 101 class, I am not. While I *was* able to get my body around the pole fireman-style, I could not doing it with any sort of class. And we all know, real stripper are REALLY classy. Also, I had sore upper arms and thighs the next day.
4. There is nothing better than people-watching in Vegas.
5. I lie. There is nothing better than people-watching in Vegas. WHEN THE RODEO IS IN TOWN.
6. There is no better reason to go to Vegas than to watch one of your best friends say that she (still) does in front of so many of your good friends, both new and old.
7. Sometimes you just have to eat fast food in Vegas, no matter how much this lady makes fun of you.Â And that lady, the one who makes fun of you for eating fast food? She is AMAZING. I don’t ever want to go to Las Vegas without her and her husband again.
8. Two words: Sports. Book. Now THAT is my kind of gambling. Thanks, Eli Manning, for handing me my Vegas winnings. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Giants destroy the Vikings while sitting in a comfy lazy-boy chair while someone brought me drinks. Also, making money while doing it. (But really I could think about was how much better betting on football would have been with jenbshaw and metalia by my side…)
9. One word: Roulette. I seriously made $20 last for two hours. I am magic.
10. Getting your hair and make-up professionally done by the most amazing woman so you could have your very own photo shoot (pictures to come!) was the very best thing to ever happen to me. The Amy Winehouse look I rocked the next day – since I was afraid to take-out my pompadour-y beehive – however, was not the best. But, I owned the look and tried my best not to scare the fake French people working at the brunch at Paris.
If you haven’t had enough of me, you can head over here…where I’m talking about the FIVE CELEBRITIES I’D LIKE IN MY STOCKING PLEASE AND THANKS.