January 10 05

Thanks to all my friends who sent me such important emails in 2004!
It’s so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform!

Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out
from you that it’s good for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle Infected
with a disease.

I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant. Because
you said it causes cancer.

I don’t leave my car in any parking lot even though I Sometimes have to
walk about seven blocks, because you said that someone might drug me
with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.

I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they Will ask
me to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with calls
to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover.

I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me They are
nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or Feathers that
are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.

I also stopped drinking anything out of a can – you said that I will get
sick from the rat feces and urine.

When I go to parties, I now don’t mix with anybody – you said that
someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a Bathtub full
of ice.

However, the police are also after me at present because you Said not to
pull over as they could be fake policemen trying to kidnap me.

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, in Anticipation of the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I
participated in their special e-mail program.

It’s weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and
neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.

But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or
forgot to follow and I got a curse.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next ten
seconds, a bird will crap on you tonight at 7:00 PM.


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