1. I see that bathing suits are on sale at Old Navy for $9 and $10…so I drag all three kids there and spend way too much time (45 minutes) trying to find the right sizes for everyone. I buy two for each member of our family. Once I find my children…
…I pay and bring the suits home. Emily’s 8s are huge. Josh’s 6-7s are huge. Isabella’s 4s are huge. So, tomorrow I will be returning to Old Navy to lather, rinse, repeat.
2. I stop at a fast food restaurant and am almost at my destination before I realize that they didn’t give me the four drinks that I ordered.
3. I am at the park with my kids and there’s really no one else there because it’s 95 degrees and 12:30 in the afternoon (and, you know, we don’t have any drinks because I left that at McDonald’s) with the exception of the first HOT DAD to ever be spotted at Hammond Park and while I am lifting my child onto this giant contraption thing and…then…I pop a tit out of my dress. Just popped right out. I carefully tucked the sucker back in and all red-faced and mortified-like was all, “It’s so hot out here! Let’s go home RIGHTNOW!”
4. I am talking about Ricky Gervais and how I had high hopes for The Invention of Lying because I thought the premise was awesome and the cast was amazing, and OMG Ricky Gervais is so fucking sexy. ONLY what I meant to say was that Ricky Gervais is so fucking funny and Rob Lowe is so fucking sexy. Only, you know, I didn’t say what my brain wanted me to. AND Â NOW I WILL NEVER LIVE IT DOWN.
You know, because her five million followers got to see this:
(PS. My real list is full of delicious hotness that includes such people as THE HAMM and Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Ryan Reynolds)
5. I watch one of the worst movies to ever be made (DEAR JOHN)(no matter how good Channing Tatum looks shirtless)(not as good as Ricky Gervais, obviously. hahahahah) on the airplane while sitting beside two of the drunkest travelers to ever travel (drunker than the dude who told me I should get an award for coloring My Little Ponies) who managed to spill their wine all over themselves and then, even though the movie is horrific, I do the goddamn UGLY CRY because there is a scene in there that is classic Nicholas Sparks and is just plain old mean and I sniffled my way through the last 30 minutes of the flight. Good times.