January 8 06

well. i got a call on friday to come in for a job interview.
it’s at John Wiley and Sons.
developmental editor.
sounds fancy.
i have such mixed emotions about it.

on the one hand, it’s pretty exciting just to get called for an interview. it means someone, somewhere thinks i’m capable. or that i look good on paper, at least.
on the other hand, it would mean leaving my baby. and she’s not even 5 months yet.

but on the one hand, going back to work would seriously help my family financially.
on the other hand, it would mean not being around as much anymore.

it’s a tough call. probably somewhat premature, since no one is offering me anything yet. just an interview. but, i’m guessing that it doesn’t hurt to go. i’m a bit rusty. it’s been years since i’ve had an interview. and i’m nervous as hell.

but, hey, if i don’t get it. i don’t get it.
i’m not even 100% sure i want it. but i’m not 100% sure that i don’t.

what i do know is that my mother, once again, unsurprisingly, has let me down.
i told her about the interview, and that i was feeling lots of pressure. pressure to get a job. to get rid of the nanny if i don’t get a job.
here’s a little rundown on our conversation last night:

Mom: Why are you stressing about things that aren’t even issues yet? you’ll deal with it when it happens. just get the job. you need it. then worry.
Me: It’s not that simple, mom. If i get the job, i have to worry about carpool. how am i going to drive my carpools. if i don’t get the job, i may have to get rid of Jhoanne. how am i going to drive my carpools then? i’ll have to fit 5 kids in 4 carseats…
Mom: Life is tough, Ali. Just deal with it. when you are a woman and you have kids, that’s life.
Me: I know. i realize this. it’s just hard. so much of this is falling on my shoulders. i was just telling you. that’s all.
Mom: you think i don’t have stresses in my life?
Me: did i say that?
Mom: get the job, Ali.
Me: yeah, it’s that simple.
Mom: you need to go back to work. it’s time.
Me: see, that’s why i love talking to you. i know i can always count on you for some sympathy. (said in my sarcastic voice….although i think it’s lost on my mom)

it’s impossible to win with her.

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