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Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair

the girl behind the screen

14 May

i used to have this hairdresser therapist Jodi. i loved her. from the start of the foil to the end of the ironing, we would talk. about our lives. our men. my husband. her nasty divorce. my ever-expanding brood, her little boy. she was my therapy back then…was way back before i had all of you, yo!

but then i she quit. and i moved on. and then i discovered the beauty of silence at the hairdresser. nothing makes me happier than sitting in a chair and having everyone around me just shut the fuck up for a couple of hours (i’m the same when it comes to massages and manicures and pedicures. not at Argentina, though. when someone’s causing you excruciating pain in your nethers…it’s best to try to talk through the pain. trust me. works at the physio too)

so last night, i was happy to sit in silence and get beautiful. it’s an ugly process, however.

(hot! also…now i know how to use my camera on my phone. sweet!)

happy, of course, until when they were washing my hair, two not-so-happy things happened….

a) the girl who was washing my hair had verylonghair. and at one point, her very long hair fell into my very unsuspecting mouth. could you die? (nightmares, people! attack of the scary black hair!)

b) three. yes three. people came over to inspect the dye job. and to discuss. in hushed whispers. and you know when they are whispering, it can never be good. and you know when she says, “you wanted blond, right?” it can never be good.

cue the panic attack now thanks.

XANAX. i need you!

(holy shit…seriously, when did my boobs get so big?)

all in all, i’m fairly pleased with the results. yes, she butchered the hell out of my bangs. and cut them way too short. and kept trimming and trimming and trimming. i was so nervous she was just going to cut ’em all off….and i would end up all…

but she stopped. and i’m okay with the color too.

and in the future, i will continue to enjoy the silence at the hairdresser, but only after making sure she’s not high.

49 Comments

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Comments

  1. Kara says

    May 14, 2008 at 8:53 am

    One of my all time favorite quotes from a movie.

    Your hair looks great..and wowzers on the boobs.

    Kara’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Nail Trimming

    Reply
  2. SciFi Dad says

    May 14, 2008 at 8:57 am

    I think the bangs look pretty good, and the colour suits you.

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..Final Thoughts Before We Find Out

    Reply
  3. JMC says

    May 14, 2008 at 9:05 am

    I think your hair looks great!

    JMC’s last blog post..Drowning prevention program

    Reply
  4. Jen says

    May 14, 2008 at 9:12 am

    I don’t know if I will ever get the image of the hair in mouth out of my mind. Oh. YUCK.
    Love the haircut and color though!!

    Jen’s last blog post..Children’s Book Week

    Reply
  5. Joscelyn says

    May 14, 2008 at 9:16 am

    your hair looks fantastic! our of curiosity, where do you go? my guy is good but his prices went up a lot so I’m just asking around…

    Reply
  6. Heather says

    May 14, 2008 at 9:32 am

    Your hair looks great. But if your hairstylist makes you uncomfortable, I would move on.

    Reply
  7. Burgh Baby says

    May 14, 2008 at 9:39 am

    Thank goodness you like it becaue I was thinking you look pretty damn hot with the cut and color. And, I’m all for silence when somebody is touching me. It should be a law or something.

    Burgh Baby’s last blog post..What Dat?

    Reply
  8. amy says

    May 14, 2008 at 9:53 am

    Love that movie! I even said it with an accent.

    Love the hair…looks great!

    amy’s last blog post..Content?

    Reply
  9. Angella says

    May 14, 2008 at 10:20 am

    RAWR! Looking hot, my friend!

    I have NO BOOBS. Sigh.

    Angella’s last blog post..Backed Up

    Reply
  10. Ava says

    May 14, 2008 at 10:55 am

    There is little better than having people fawn over your head. After the age of around 8, nobody pets your head anymore. And it feels sooo goood.

    You look marvelous and I think the boobs compliment the hair nicely.

    Ava’s last blog post..Where does it all come from????

    Reply
  11. Good&Crazy says

    May 14, 2008 at 10:58 am

    I’m good with the bangs. I’m kind of over all the coloring, (thought it was just my suburbian mom peeps–guess not?). And oh how I love afternoons of silence. When they look over and say, ‘sorry, we’re a little behind’. I look around and say back, ‘uh, do you see any kids with me?, then duh, TAKE YOUR TIME’!

    Good&Crazy’s last blog post..I cannot imagine…

    Reply
  12. Casey says

    May 14, 2008 at 11:20 am

    I like it!

    I even like the bangs, I wish mine came out so well.

    Casey’s last blog post..Fight Night

    Reply
  13. Shamelessly Sassy says

    May 14, 2008 at 11:38 am

    My fav quote from that movie is, “Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!” Also, love the hair. I think it looks fantastic.

    Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..The Peen Magnet

    Reply
  14. Rebecca says

    May 14, 2008 at 12:15 pm

    The title of this cracked me right up.
    Big boobs ALWAYS equals pregnant for me. Or really pre-menstrual. but generally pregnant.
    Your hair looks AWESOME. ANd I totally need a haircut.

    Rebecca’s last blog post..They live on cherries, they run wild

    Reply
  15. Sadie says

    May 14, 2008 at 12:25 pm

    For years I had a stylist that never talked to me except while she was actually working on me, because she always had like 4 or 5 clients in various stages of coloring, and I read books and magazines and never had anyone talking to me. Then I moved away and got a new stylist, who instead of sending me to sit in a chair and read while I cooked, just sat there and looked at me and wanted to talk. I was quite taken aback! But now I’m used to it. I do miss the quiet sometimes though. And all the reading I would get done.

    Sadie’s last blog post..Some Things I Like

    Reply
  16. Megan says

    May 14, 2008 at 1:22 pm

    It looks great!

    I am a silent sitter too. My mom and I went to the same hairdresser for years and she would always come back with the woman’s life story. I prefer no talking.

    Megan’s last blog post..My name is Megan and I am an addict.

    Reply
  17. kgirlto says

    May 14, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    looks good! i love going to the hairdresser, and the longer it takes, the better. but for the love of all that’s holy – do shut up!

    kgirlto’s last blog post..The Bitch Is Back

    Reply
  18. sarah says

    May 14, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    Look look purdy, as always Ali..

    I would have freaked about the hair in the mouth ..yuck yuck..

    Reply
  19. TrenchesofMommyhood says

    May 14, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    Hey, nice rack!

    TrenchesofMommyhood’s last blog post..Post Mother’s Day

    Reply
  20. Haley-O says

    May 14, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    Nice!!! Looks GREAT! You’d look way hotter in that pic with a pinkberry, though. WHICH you need so that you and I can pin each other all day!

    You sure those boobs aren’t an early 30th b-day present from Gabe??? 😉 HOTT!

    Haley-O’s last blog post..For Me

    Reply
  21. jennyonthespot says

    May 14, 2008 at 4:31 pm

    Yeah – it looks so pritty:)

    jennyonthespot’s last blog post..I have done so many new and exciting things

    Reply
  22. aline says

    May 14, 2008 at 5:12 pm

    I absolutely LOVE your hair! I just got mine done too, copper gold highlight. My hubby wanted red, but my hairdresser say NOWAY! and she was mean about it, so I shut up, sat up and let her do her thing. turned out good. Yikes on the hair in the mouth thing!

    aline’s last blog post..RedSparks Baby Gift Giveaway

    Reply
  23. aline says

    May 14, 2008 at 5:12 pm

    I absolutely LOVE your hair! I just got mine done too, copper gold highlight. My hubby wanted red, but my hairdresser say NOWAY! and she was mean about it, so I shut up, sat up and let her do her thing. turned out good. Yikes on the hair in the mouth thing!

    aline’s last blog post..RedSparks Baby Gift Giveaway

    Reply
  24. B2G says

    May 14, 2008 at 5:34 pm

    You have a pebble! So do I… but mine is green.

    Reply
  25. Anna says

    May 14, 2008 at 6:28 pm

    It looks great! That’s funny, I was scrolling down and thought “Her boobs look bigger than usual” and then saw your comment about it.

    Reply
  26. Matthew says

    May 14, 2008 at 6:35 pm

    Curs-ed filter on the internet at work! Now I have to wait UNTIL I GET HOME to see your bangs and color!

    (P.S. Notice how I didn’t mention “check out your boobs” anywhere in that last sentence.)

    Matthew’s last blog post..Finding her inner Chi

    Reply
  27. slynnro says

    May 14, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    Dude, your boobs are fucking gigantic!

    And I had the overshort bangs of death (they looked a lot like yours, ONLY MUCH WORSE) a while back. I was PISSED.

    slynnro’s last blog post..OOOOOOOOOH Hatemail.

    Reply
  28. Lara says

    May 14, 2008 at 7:50 pm

    SEXAY!

    Lara’s last blog post..Let’s Go for Something a Little Cheerier, Yes?

    Reply
  29. pgoodness says

    May 14, 2008 at 9:17 pm

    looks great! and the silence thing? must have at pedis and massages. MUST.

    pgoodness’s last blog post..Bugs, anyone?

    Reply
  30. charlotte says

    May 14, 2008 at 9:32 pm

    Silence at the hair dresser is preferable to one who thinks they must make small talk and talks in bursts. Then I feel selfish if I don’t ask questions back etc. etc. yuk. I’d rather the quiet too.

    On a totally not-related topic. I need some advice – seeing your beautiful bust in the last photo reminded me of my very sad and very small state of affairs. Sure, I’m happy to be 6′ tall and a size 8, but my boobs are NON Existent (sp?). Any suggestions of a bra to buy that will give me some nice B’s? Don’t say Victoria’s Secret, I’m starting with nothing, and they wont’ get me where I want to be. TIA. (or not, you cerrtainly don’ thave to answer. I’m really just fishing here)
    Ciao darling! I love your summery blonde do!

    Reply
  31. Teena in Toronto says

    May 14, 2008 at 10:03 pm

    I’d rather a quite cut. Same goes for a massage. I’m there to relax, not chat. Kinda hard to snooze when I’m expected to carry a conversation.

    The ‘do looks great!

    Teena in Toronto’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #29

    Reply
  32. Miss says

    May 14, 2008 at 10:05 pm

    Damn you are smokin hot. And your boobs are wicked big.

    Miss’s last blog post..I don’t know what it takes…

    Reply
  33. Vaguely Urban says

    May 14, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    I was totally going to OMG over your mighty bosoms, but thought that might be creepy! So glad you noticed yourself!

    Hair looks super, too!

    Vaguely Urban’s last blog post..Report From The Desert

    Reply
  34. The Over-Thinker says

    May 14, 2008 at 11:20 pm

    Next time I get my hair cut, I’m totally asking for boobs, too.

    Your hair looks super hot–the highlights are veddy veddy nice.

    The Over-Thinker’s last blog post..Remind me to tell you about my accidental enthusiasm about a Strip Club…

    Reply
  35. Keri says

    May 15, 2008 at 2:04 am

    I’m opposite,
    although I am getting better at talking to my waxer.

    Reply
  36. loren says

    May 15, 2008 at 2:25 am

    It looks great! That would scare me… “You wanted blonde, right?” That question needs to be asked BEFORE the procedure is done and irreversible!

    loren’s last blog post..Work-related

    Reply
  37. Kelley says

    May 15, 2008 at 4:20 am

    Bwaaa haaaaa haaaaa! At the boob thing. I took a photo of mine (completely covered) and went ‘hot damn!’ I think it is the whole camera adds 10 pounds thing.

    But lovely hair. And boobies 😉

    Kelley’s last blog post..The Count loves to WHAAAT???

    Reply
  38. mamatulip says

    May 15, 2008 at 10:04 am

    1. One of the best movie lines EVER. I can hear Darryl Hannah’s wobbly, twangy voice in my head right now.

    2. Other people’s hair in your mouth is a total crime. You should have gotten the cut free because of it.

    3. Your hair looks really nice. So do your boobs. 😉

    mamatulip’s last blog post..Presence

    Reply
  39. Melinda says

    May 15, 2008 at 2:24 pm

    I pretty much peed my pants laughing about your hair story. Great times at salons! BUt your hair turned out GREAT! I like it and your boob comment made me laugh pretty hard too! lol Thanks for the laughs!

    Reply
  40. Jana says

    May 15, 2008 at 4:06 pm

    OMW, they were WHISPERING and coming to look at your hair??? Talk about something from a horror movie!

    Glad your hair came out so cute though!!!

    Jana’s last blog post..What God Has Joined Together….

    Reply
  41. Katie says

    May 15, 2008 at 4:53 pm

    Oh man, the same thing happened to me when I got my highlights done last week! I had a total of 4 different people work on my hair, but thankfully, the end result was pretty. Your’s looks beautiful!

    Katie’s last blog post..One More Week!

    Reply
  42. Katie says

    May 15, 2008 at 4:53 pm

    Oh man, the same thing happened to me when I got my highlights done last week! I had a total of 4 different people work on my hair, but thankfully, the end result was pretty. Your’s looks beautiful!

    Katie’s last blog post..One More Week!

    Reply
  43. Kristabella says

    May 15, 2008 at 4:54 pm

    Hair in your mouth? BARF!

    That’s like the chick with super long hair who sat in front of me on the train and her hair kept TOUCHING ME. Blech.

    Kristabella’s last blog post..Help Me To Help You To Help Me

    Reply
  44. mary says

    May 15, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    Hey the hair looks great and your boobs look huge. What more could a woman want?

    I HATE when they talk about my hair in front of me, in those hushed tones.

    I’m back on the hairdresser as therapist bandwagon, but he talks about his relationship more than me so I don’t feel so bad.

    Plus, he’s hot: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pdxdiva/2415647844/

    mary’s last blog post..These are my confessions

    Reply
  45. Dory says

    May 16, 2008 at 8:42 am

    BEST. TITLE. EV. ER.

    Dory’s last blog post..Which way did he go?

    Reply
  46. Queen of Shake Shake says

    May 16, 2008 at 5:25 pm

    You’re too pretty for words. The hair…beautimous!

    And the fact that you typed “shut the fuck up” on your blog makes me like you even more. A pretty girl who drops the f bomb…what’s not to love??

    Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..I Shouldn’t Have Made Fun of the End of School year Craziness. Karma Is Watching Me.

    Reply
  47. Karla says

    May 18, 2008 at 8:09 am

    OMG! Hair! In the MOUTH? *Shudders*

    But your hair does look all sorts of gorgeous.

    Karla’s last blog post..Should have bought a Chia Pet

    Reply
  48. Aimee Greeblemonkey says

    May 19, 2008 at 11:27 pm

    I think you look awesome.

    And I dig silence in the chair too.

    Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..Go bid on some of my photos! That’s an order!

    Reply
  49. Camels & Chocolate says

    May 21, 2008 at 2:25 pm

    Glamorous movie star hair! That’s what style I wanted when I got mine cut last month, but alas it hardly looks much different, only my bangs are much shorter and no longer tuck behind my ears at all.

    Camels & Chocolate’s last blog post..Enough to Make You Lose Your Own Lunch

    Reply

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