September 25 12

I guess tonight is a good night for Yom Kippur, since I will probably need to atone for the copious amount of expletives I used while watching last night’s Packers game. I don’t even, you guys. My lovely friend Jen—the sensible one—said that we need to get over it, and really, if we hadn’t been playing like ass (note: ask forgiveness for this one), those lousy, lousy calls at the end of the game would not have decided the game’s fate. She’s so smart, that Jen.

I probably will also need to ask forgiveness for drinking too much coffee and not bathing Isabella often enough and only becoming a really good flosser (nay, flossing addict) at age 34.

I probably will also need to ask forgiveness for eating cookie dough, knowing full well about the whole raw eggs thing. And for all of the online shopping. And for sometimes being a really, really inattentive tooth fairy.

I will need to ask forgiveness for downloading too much music, for hiding the candy, for staying up too late to watch Breaking Bad.

I will need to ask forgiveness for not caring about your cat photos, for snarking on Emmy dresses, for canceling on you that one time (or two times).

I need to ask forgiveness for not calling my mothers enough, for not calling anyone enough, for not checking my voicemails, for not emailing you back right away. For not emailing you back ever. For not picking up our home phone.

For falling for the water heater scam.

For driving without my glasses on.

For talking about my Sunday photoshoot blues…and then discovering this in my camera.

For not going to enough of your baseball games or hockey practices or skating lessons or dance classes.

For letting my kids have too many doughnuts.

For coveting Jennifer Westfeldt’s boyfriend.

For feeding trolls.

For judging your taste in music.

For rolling my eyes.

For watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. And Breaking Amish. And The Bachelor and/or The Bachelorette.

For unfollowing you on Twitter because you were being ridiculous.

For not being able to clean up the barf. Or cuddle right afterwards.

For judging your grammar. And probably correcting it.

For raising my voice. For losing my cool. For yelling.

For spending too much money on a pumpkin-flavored latte. For spending too much money on a pumpkin-flavored anything.

For going out in public in yoga pants and a hoodie.

For originally not thinking it’s a compliment to be compared to Tina Fey. I don’t see it…but I’ll take the compliment. I mean, she’s Tina Fey for crying out loud.

For occasionally not getting dressed.

For using splenda.

For thinking that one thing I once thought about you.

For all of the ecards.

I hope you can forgive me.

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  1. That’s a lot that’s weighing you down lady. ;)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sandy on September 25, 2012
  2. I have to be one of your best minion fans. You amuse me so I wait on baited breath for your snarky wisedom and often touching insights. But, I must admit, I do not get the Tina Fey thing. I think that she is awesome. I DID compare you to her once and I could tell that you did not appreciate that. Hmmm…?!

    [Reply]

    alimartell replied on

    I fixed it…Honestly, I really don’t see the resemblance. Other than having glasses and brown hair :)

    But I’ll take it! She’s awesome.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Rae Ann on September 25, 2012
  3. I apologize for drafting Aaron Rodgers in my fantasy league because it clearly will guarantee he has a horrible season and/or gets injured. That happens to all my good fantasy players.

    As a Bears fan, though, I’m quite excited.

    [Reply]

    alimartell replied on

    I think even as a Bears fan, you’d have to agree that those were some shit calls.

    [Reply]

    Kristabella replied on

    Oh, 100 percent! I just was echoing Jen’s comment because had the offense played better, it wouldn’t have mattered.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on September 25, 2012
  4. Wait, if I atone for something, does that mean I need to not do it anymore? That was one of my biggest downfalls with Catholicism. I can say I’m sorry, but I can definitely not guarantee it’s never going to happen again.
    Sorry for your loss last night, but since hubby’s from WA, we liked the way it ended. However, I am not happy with staying up so late. I needs my sleep!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Gamanda on September 25, 2012
  5. I did some hard core eye rolling atoning this year. I’m wondering if there is eye rolling rehab because I need to go.

    [Reply]

    Comment by jodifur on September 26, 2012
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