I guess tonight is a good night for Yom Kippur, since I will probably need to atone for the copious amount of expletives I used while watching last night’s Packers game. I don’t even, you guys. My lovely friend Jenâ€”the sensible oneâ€”said that we need to get over it, and really, if we hadn’t been playing like ass (note: ask forgiveness for this one), those lousy, lousy calls at the end of the game would not have decided the game’s fate. She’s so smart, that Jen.
I probably will also need to ask forgiveness for drinking too much coffee and not bathing Isabella often enough and only becoming a really good flosser (nay, flossing addict) at age 34.
I probably will also need to askÂ forgivenessÂ for eating cookie dough, knowing full well about the whole raw eggs thing. And for all of the online shopping. And for sometimes being a really, really inattentive tooth fairy.
I will need to ask forgiveness for downloading too much music, for hiding the candy, for staying up too late to watch Breaking Bad.
I will need to ask forgiveness for not caring about your cat photos, for snarking on Emmy dresses, for canceling on you that one time (or two times).
I need to ask forgiveness for not calling my mothers enough, for not calling anyone enough, for not checking my voicemails, for not emailing you back right away. For not emailing you back ever. For not picking up our home phone.
For falling for the water heater scam.
For driving without my glasses on.
For talking about my Sunday photoshoot blues…and then discovering this in my camera.
For not going to enough of your baseball games or hockey practices or skating lessons or dance classes.
For letting my kids have too many doughnuts.
For coveting Jennifer Westfeldt’s boyfriend.
For feeding trolls.
For judging your taste in music.
For rolling my eyes.
For watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. And Breaking Amish. And The Bachelor and/or The Bachelorette.
For unfollowing you on Twitter because you were being ridiculous.
For not being able to clean up the barf. Or cuddle right afterwards.
For judging your grammar. And probably correcting it.
For raising my voice. For losing my cool. For yelling.
For spending too much money on a pumpkin-flavored latte. For spending too much money on a pumpkin-flavored anything.
For going out in public in yoga pants and a hoodie.
For originally not thinking it’s a compliment to be compared to Tina Fey. I don’t see it…but I’ll take the compliment. I mean, she’s Tina Fey for crying out loud.
For occasionally not getting dressed.
For using splenda.
For thinking that one thing I once thought about you.
For all of the ecards.
I hope you can forgive me.