August 28 09

we are a crayola crayons kind of family because my children simply cannot be trusted with markers or pens. (it’s not because I love to sniff crayons. no ma’am. it’s not. pinky swear) (ps. side note…did you know that you can buy crayon perfume? seriously. WHA?) I mean, seriously. Each of the children has made me at least one lovely sharpie masterpiece on a completely inappropriate canvas…like, oh, my bedroom wall. or you know, something that can’t be touched up, like my white down comforter.

or, you know, one of them tattoos himself…

DSC_0535

I love my mom.

which, you know, is sweet in its sentiment, but becomes not so sweet when you are standing at your sink at 7:20 in the morning attempting to scrub this off of his arm (please note: picture was taken after ten minutes of scrub) while you really have more pressing things to do, like deciding whether or not you need to put on a brassiere to take the kids to school. And like explaining to Emily that you don’t really care that the girl in 4th grade has a double pierce – she still can’t have one . And like telling her every.single.thing. that she missed on Project Runway last night because we still don’t have a DVR and we are afraid to touch my dad’s tv because he is VERY protective over it and we don’t like getting in trouble. And like finding an umbrella because it’s torrentially pouring outside and your stubborn dog will not relieve himself in the rain even though he’s a dog for chrissake and you just know how this one is going to end. (allow me to paint a – sharpie-free! – picture for you…Ali is soaking wet picking doggy doodie up off of the floor. awesome)

also, the sentiment is less sweet when you are now afraid that your son is going to be one of those assholes who actually does sport a mom tattoo. I mean, we Jews are all anti-tattoo (sadly…because my sister and I have already talked about what we’d get – matching snowflakes…because, you know, we grew up in Wisconsin. also? pretty and tasteful) but if one day he was going to get one, I can only hope and pray that he’d get something total rad; something I could envy.

so, until further notice, he is back on crayons only.

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  1. When my son was 2.5 I left him alone to use the bathroom…in that 2 minutes he found a black sharpie that my husband dropped & proceeded to draw all over our leather couch, ottoman, and the whole length of the wall behind the couch, in addition to his ENTIRE body. I started to cry and even after 1 hour of soaking in the tub it took days for the marker to come off his body. We are also a CRAYON ONLY house!!! have a great weekend.

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    Comment by Maria on August 28, 2009
  2. Try clorox bleach. :)Works on cheap wood furniture.

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    Comment by pickel on August 28, 2009
  3. We called Sharpies “teacher markers” because kids are WAY more likely to not use teacher stuff than parent stuff.

    Just beware the crayons left on the back seat in the summer sun. The only way to get rid of that is to trade the car in.

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    Comment by Di on August 28, 2009
  4. After the “Incident That Will Never Be Repeated”, our Sharpies were moved to the ‘Mommy and Daddy Only’ drawer.

    You’re a “Bra Optional” lady? So lucky. I can’t do that. It hurts when I don’t wear, and my ginormous boobage would be down to my bellybutton.

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    Comment by Nenette on August 28, 2009
  5. I may *or may not* have a tramp stamp. Of course, I got one before they were called “tramp stamps” or I wouldnt have gotten one in that location.

    It’s small, SO AGAINST our beliefs obv -but I said, they can remove it when i’m dead. I’m sure I wont feel it.
    .-= Maya´s last blog ..Did I ever tell you about my First Wedding? =-.

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    Comment by Maya on August 28, 2009
  6. I hope he gets sleeves.

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    Comment by SciFi Dad on August 28, 2009
  7. My only hope is my sons don’t end up with prison tattoos. Or spell ‘Mom’ wrong.

    (had my first bra-less drop off of the school 2009-2010 school year yesterday. feels like home.)
    .-= fadkog´s last blog ..do you remember when, yeah, we used to sing… =-.

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    Comment by fadkog on August 28, 2009
  8. Hair spray.

    Seriously. It takes off Sharpie.

    I may or may not know this because clubs in Athens used Sharpies to mark those of us who were underage, and we may or may not have kept travel-sized hairspray in our purse to take with us to the bathroom to wash it off.

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    Comment by Darcey on August 28, 2009
  9. Rubbing alcohol takes of Sharpies instantly, too

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    Comment by Jess on August 28, 2009
  10. When my sister was little, she decided, while I was at school, to decorate my room. She took my mom’s LIPSTICK and drew people all over my walls. EVERYWHERE! She was like 4, so it was just a bunch of heads with arms and legs coming off them.

    And since we were poor and my parents were going through their divorce, I had to live in the room with those creepy lipstick people STARING at me all the time.

    I may still be bitter about it, like 25 years later.

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    Comment by Kristabella on August 28, 2009
  11. Ahh, sharpies and turds. I can’t wait to be a mom.

    Incidentally, my dog has lasted three days without pooping because of rain. The damn animal will swim ALL DAY, but thinks precipitation burns like the tears of satan: “It BURNS us, Precious!”

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    Comment by Jemima on August 28, 2009
  12. That made me laugh out loud. I can just imagine his thought process: “I know I shouldn’t do this . . . but if I write ‘I Love Mom’ ALL WILL BE FORGIVEN”

    As for tattoos . . . you can give him the advice my husband and I, both crappy tattoo bearers, are going to give our kids: Whatever you do DO NOT GET ONE BEFORE YOU ARE 25. Because until then your taste will be crap and you might get stuck w/ a Cat in the Hat on your left shoulder. I’ll let you guess which one of us that is. (hint: NOT ME)
    .-= HollyLynne´s last blog ..Quite Possibly The Best Birthday Gift Ever =-.

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    Comment by HollyLynne on August 28, 2009
  13. First I was laughing at the visual of doggie doodie and then Kristabella’s comment slayed me.

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    Comment by Angella on August 28, 2009
  14. How amazing would it be to see a big tough biker dude sporting an “I love my mom” tattoo, all written out like that? (SO amazing.)

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    Comment by Kerri Anne on August 28, 2009
  15. Dawn dish soap rubbed directly on the skin takes Sharpie off like it’s Crayola washable marker.

    I choose not to discuss why I know this.

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    Comment by AJ on August 28, 2009
  16. I decorated a few walls in my day…fingernail polish remover gets it off the skin pretty well. Not sure about the health benefits however.

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    Comment by Kaleigha on August 28, 2009
  17. Okay. Kristabella’s comment just made my day. mostly because Allie draws those sort of people, and they are creepy. I couldn’t imagine if they were on my walls.
    Also, I love the smell of crayons. it’s creepy, I know. I also love the smell of gasoline. I may buy the crayon perfume and spray it on my husband. or not.

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    Comment by Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy on August 28, 2009
  18. I don’t even let my kids have crayons. That’s right, my kids are deprived, but I’ve already scrubbed enough off the walls to last a lifetime.

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    Comment by C @ Kid Things on August 28, 2009
  19. I don’t think there was such a thing as washable marker when I was a kid. I used to like to write on furniture in marker. But I was smart enough to write on the back or underneath. And I’d use my left hand and sign my little sister’s name.

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    Comment by Tamara on August 28, 2009
  20. Oh my goodness that is so incredibly adorable!! :D

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    Comment by Caity on August 28, 2009
  21. I have tried to make our house a crayola house.

    Unfortunately, none of the grandparents seem to give a rat’s ass about MY needs or MY walls – and every birthday or Christmas brings more and more markers and pens.

    Because they hate me.

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    Comment by Miss Britt on August 29, 2009
  22. Aaron sometimes writes on himself. Sometimes, they don’t grow out of it. He also has 2 tattoos. GO FIGURE.

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    Comment by slynnro on August 30, 2009
  23. since you probably don’t want to rub your kids with acetone or vodka, toothpaste is your best bet for getting marker pens off of skin =]. i’m a design student, we have that problem all the time…

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    Comment by jack on August 30, 2009
  24. My daughter wants a second pierce cuz her friend has one too! What is wrong with these kids and their irresponsible parents!!!

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    Comment by Rayli on September 1, 2009
  25. Maybe sending him to school with his prison mom tattoo would have gotten him made fun of and that would have ended his desire to write on himself. Mean, yes, but possibly effective.

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    Comment by regan on September 2, 2009
  26. I couldn’t survive without my DVR!

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    Comment by Avitable on September 2, 2009
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