January 21 09

i should be telling you about how on the day i left for my three days in the city, Isabella had a three-drawer chest fall on her AND Emily dropped what may-or-may-not have been real diamond earring down the bathtub drain AND i dropped my favorite eye shadow (all that glitters by MAC. love) on the tile in my bathroom and it shattered into little dust bits all over the floor and i had to practically sit on my dog to keep him from eating it AND it was 60 degrees in my house and my thermostat was flashing *change batteries**change batteries* and then i couldn’t find any damn batteries, save for some rechargables, so i used those and hoped for the best AND it snowed a foot the night before i left. so i treated myself to an airport limo because holyhell, i deserved it.

and i probably should be telling you about my trip to new york that included such things as being able to celebrate inauguration day at miss Isabel Kallman’s party

pretty

(so much pretty those three)

AND spending the day with miss Metalia and kinda sorta maybe getting lost trying to find me a jcrew AND there was something Ed Harris involved AND the husband buying me some not-on-sale True Religion jeans that i have been coveting for months AND my inability to keep my eyes open during a photo op AND getting my new Nikon D40 and how i lost my gloves and, well, you are just going to have to come back tomorrow for the NYC stories

and i probably should tell you about how much i LOVED both Milk and Gran Torino.

and i probably should tell you that when Jason Barr said “the US President Barack Obama” this morning on the radio, i cried giant weepy tears onto my steering wheel because oh.my.god. Barack Obama is President!

cupcake

but i won’t.

i have something far more pressing to tell you.

what has now removed all embarrassing ali stories from being number #1. and you know it’s going to be a good one, since, well, i AM the one who peed in a McDonald’s coffee cup in my van in front of my kids at the US/Canadian border…oh yes i did.

well, last night the husband and i took the subway to Penn station + braved the crowds in order to take New Jersey transit to save ourselves the $77 cab ride to Newark airport. ($77! insanity) and since we didn’t know how long it would take us, we left a little early, getting us to the airport at around 10 to 7 for a 9pm flight. but, huzzah! there was a 7:30 flight we could get on if we ran!

so, run we did. but, not before i made a pit stop to pee…because i do not pee on airplanes. i will hold it for HOURS. so, i quickly peed and ran onto the plane. when we landed in Toronto, i got up to file out of the airplane and my husband started snickering.

and then he started laughing.

and then he said he wished he had a blog because this would SO be going on it.

and then he handed me the foot-long piece of toilet paper that WAS STICKING OUT OF THE TOP OF MY JEANS!

oh.my.god.

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  1. OMG! He may not have a blog, but he DOTH have CAMERA!! I want a PIC of that!!!! ;)

    Now, please tell me about the ED HARRIS! YOU KNOW I love him! (He SHOULD have been on my list! I knew I forgot someone.)

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    Comment by Haley-O on January 21, 2009
  2. I too am very excited about Obama! Finally something positive! And I’m right there with you about not peeing on airplanes…I held it from Athens to Toronto and nearly died. Hope the puppy is doing well!

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    Comment by Steph on January 21, 2009
  3. ah ha ha ha ha .. too funny!

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    Comment by Sarah on January 21, 2009
  4. Hahaaaaa! That’s hilarious. Though I still say our mutual crush on Ed Harris is slightly more embarrassing. SLIGHTLY.

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    Comment by metalia on January 21, 2009
  5. Excellent set up, Ali Martell.

    slynnros last blog post..Because sometimes you have to travel to another state to find friends with similar belief systems. And you find it is worth the drive.

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    Comment by slynnro on January 21, 2009
  6. OH NO!!!!!

    Nooooooo…. did he snap a picture with your new D40?

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    Comment by OHmommy on January 21, 2009
  7. Oh Ali, I am so sorry, but that is hilarious!

    La Petite Chics last blog post..Hopeful

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    Comment by La Petite Chic on January 21, 2009
  8. OMG that is hilarious!oh Ali i would die of embarrassment….

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    Comment by LAVENDULA on January 21, 2009
  9. My jaw literally DROPPED. WOW. I adore you for blogging this. hah

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    Comment by Maria on January 21, 2009
  10. I think I would vow never to use toilet paper AGAIN EVER. And then give up two hours later because, um, that’s kind of inconvenient.

    Hee. :)

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    Comment by Moose on January 21, 2009
  11. Look at it this way, it could have been the tissue thingy you use to cover the toilet which would have been worse. Not by much though. That’s hilarious!

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    Comment by The Stiletto Mom on January 21, 2009
  12. HAAAAA. That is TOTALLY something I would do!

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    Comment by Angella on January 21, 2009
  13. That’s pretty damn embarrassing. Although, I’m not sure if it beats the time I was in a plane bathroom, squatting over a toilet (can’t touch – ew, germs) when the faulty lock allowed a handsome man to open the door AND SEE ME WITH MY PANTS AROUND MY ANKLES WHILE SQUATTING.

    Holy hell, and the worst part? There was no way to leave the bathroom without passing by him again. OMG.

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    Comment by whoorl on January 21, 2009
  14. That is awesome! I can just imagine you running through the airpot with your tail of toilet paper flowing in the wind!

    Can’t wait to hear about NYC!

    Kristabellas last blog post..LYLAS

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    Comment by Kristabella on January 21, 2009
  15. hahhah that is awesome! Looking forward to hearing more about your trip!

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    Comment by Assertagirl on January 21, 2009
  16. Wow. That’s bad.

    I can’t even try to make you feel better. That is a good one!

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    Comment by Chantal on January 21, 2009
  17. Embarrassing yes but not that bad! You’ve obviously never farted in a small office with 2 male coworkers who proceeded to giggle like school girls while you pretend you don’t know what’s going on.

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    Comment by Petey on January 21, 2009
  18. OMG, Ali, there’s just no silver lining to a story like that!
    I feel for you, girlfriend. :)

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    Comment by Nenette on January 21, 2009
  19. There is TOO a silver lining!
    1. He doesn’t have a blog (although YOU do and you just told us all); and
    2. He didn’t take a picture? (PLEASE say he didn’t)
    LMAO

    Lynettes last blog post..1,000 words

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    Comment by Lynette on January 21, 2009
  20. oops.

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    Comment by Holly on January 21, 2009
  21. Embarrassing? Yes. Laughable? Oh hell yes.

    I had an incident at the airport where I was running to catch a plane to get home from a business trip, that involved a heel getting stuck under the rubber of the security check-point (before they made you take off your shoes)… and this was after all the nice people let me go ahead of them to make my flight.

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    Comment by Darcey on January 21, 2009
  22. ok, i am laughing, but
    ‘sweet the lick’ is still my fave.

    kgirls last blog post..

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    Comment by kgirl on January 21, 2009
  23. Ha! I hate it when that happens. Taylor has caught me with TP stuck in my pants a time or two…

    Kaleighas last blog post..The one with the ear candle…

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    Comment by Kaleigha on January 21, 2009
  24. Um, at least you wiped?

    How is it we didn’t get to talk yesterday? What is wrong with us?

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    Comment by Mom101 on January 21, 2009
  25. *giggles*

    Is that worse than running intoa sliding glass door and tumbling halfway across a backyard? I think not.

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    Comment by Maryann on January 21, 2009
  26. next time I carry the D40 people. I promise.

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    Comment by Giblet on January 21, 2009
  27. Wow, shit really hits the fan whenever you two go away, doesn’t it???

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    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on January 21, 2009
  28. You know what I love? That both your all-time embarrassing moments involve some bathroom-related issue. Of course, don’t a lot of life’s dark clouds come from having to pee?

    Glad you’re back. I’ve missed readng the word “huzzah!” (which I’ve started saying around the house!)

    differentkindofgirls last blog post..cool

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    Comment by differentkindofgirl on January 21, 2009
  29. Oooooh, that’s funny! I’m sorry, but it is! TOTALLY embarrassing, but still hilarious. I love that you wrote about this!

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    Comment by Meg on January 21, 2009
  30. As much fun as I could have with that, I think I would have just pulled it off and not told wife. It’s too cold to sleep outside.

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    Comment by Captain Dumbass on January 21, 2009
  31. Oh no! At least you won’t see most of the people who were probably laughing again. ;)

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    Comment by Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children on January 21, 2009
  32. my brother, sister-in-law, dad and step-mom were all at the inauguration yesterday. two of the seats were actually in the grandstands. my sister-in-law and dad were seated near some mayors from hawaii (or something like that) and even got a wave from bloomberg as they cheered for him. i could have been there too, if my brother had called me just two days earlier. then i wouldn’t have booked a trip to great wolf lodge with some teachers from school. :(

    [Reply]

    Comment by adrienne on January 21, 2009
  33. hahahahahahaha oh that made my day!!

    and when did this peeing in a McDs cup story happen?? I must have missed that one!! Will definitely have a look back through the archives… lol

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    Comment by Bronnie on January 21, 2009
  34. Thats hilariously embarassing! So glad it wasn’t me. I’m always paranoid that I’m going to step on a piece of toilet paper (WHY is there always toilet paper on the floor anyway??) and have it stuch to my shoe as I’m walking. ick.

    I’ve been reading for awhile, about six months now, but just started my own blog the other day!

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    Comment by Katie on January 21, 2009
  35. I was wondering where you were… now I know you were just busy entertaining your flight companions.

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    Comment by SciFi Dad on January 21, 2009
  36. Yup. TP stories are ALWAYS the worst.

    I spent the day strutting around the office ordering people around with a wad of it stuck in my hose.

    And raced home and blogged about it.

    As did YOU! Tell me it wasn’t the first thing you thought of…

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    Comment by Kelley on January 21, 2009
  37. Hello, what about getting to spend time with your favorite sister??? I don’t even get a shout out, so sad!

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    Comment by Charna on January 21, 2009
  38. Ohhh, embarassing?! I have a whole class of that all to myself. Involuntary nakedness…. yah, really. Went out after No1 was born, strolled to friend’s house for coffee, checked I had son, wipes, change bag, keys, hair brushed, mascara… unfortunately, stark naked from the waist down.

    Oh, except for shoes.

    And I never noticed until friend’s jaw hit the floor when I arrived on her doorstep. I’d strolled a good 15 minutes through English country lanes. No wonder I emigrated!

    It’s 7 years ago, and it’s still an iris-clenching moment for me.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mrs F with 4 on January 21, 2009
  39. That is horrifying. I think the only way it could possibly be worse is if it were the seat cover. I mean you can’t play off the seat cover by saying you were keeping it around because of a runny nose, right?

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    Comment by mary on January 22, 2009
  40. All that Glitters is my favorite too! And, how funny, Rory and I were in NY the same time you were, although our trip was NOT as glamorous.

    http://www.liveandletdi.com/my.....-been.html

    Were you there for the beautiful softly falling snow of Monday? Unfortunately it was snowing in Raleigh at the same time, so school has been closed since we got back…two hour delay today.

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    Comment by Di on January 22, 2009
  41. OK…and on the site you linked to, the caption on a photo of you and someone else reads Intense & Beautiful. Which one are you?

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    Comment by Di on January 22, 2009
  42. My question is – why didn’t anyone in the airport tell you??

    Juliennes last blog post..Pining (I know. It doesn’t look right to me either.)

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    Comment by Julienne on January 22, 2009
  43. OMG… I’m not sure what to say. Does it make you feel any better when I say that is EXACTLY the kind of thing that happens to me at least once a year? Seriously… it does.

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    Comment by katie ~ motherbumper on January 22, 2009
  44. Did you say once that you can’t be funny?

    Because THIS? Is fucking HILARIOUS!! LOL

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    Comment by Miss Britt on January 22, 2009
  45. LMAO! Too funny..well..since it was you & not me I mean. LMAO @ Stiletto Mom & Mary. See, it coulda been worse.

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    Comment by Text Imps on January 22, 2009
  46. LOL – Just for you =D My Sister Is Smooth

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    Comment by Text Imps on January 23, 2009
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