July 11 08

i wish more Jehovah’s Witnesses came knocking at my door.

no, really, i do. (you can stop laughing now) i’m fascinated by religions in general and love to pick at the brains of the religiously inclined. i love to hear about what and why they believe. i mean, i come from a family full of jews, atheists, agnostics and pentecostals all living under one roof…see? fascinating.

but, alas, i don’t get any witnesses. all i get are the stinking neighborhood kids trying to sell me the candy.

(hahaha)

fuck.

i mean, it’s easy to say no to people trying to sell me religion. but the people trying to sell me an 8-foot-long kit kat? i just can’t say no. and! it’s a bargain! eight long feet of pure kit-kattedy goodness for only $85! and it’s for a good cause!

i just can’t say no. and then instead of buying one…i buy 6. i’ll support the blahblah school. i’m out. of. control. it’s chocolate! it’s right at my door! M&Ms. Reese’s. Coffee Crisp. Hershey Kisses. Mars. Smarties.

STOP ME.

yesterday, however, these two little girls showed up at the door. selling freezies.

freezies.

(um, ew)

i SO didn’t want one. where was the chocolatey goodness?? i want my box of goods, damnit!

(ps. Chocolate Town? what? that’s almost as bad as calling your company Brown Town. hi google searches)

“um, hi, um, we are, um, selling, um, freezies, for, um, like, the youknow, poor people?”

what? the like um youknow poor people? what? where’s the chocolate damnit? you could tell me you were raising money for your own selfish desires and i would buy your chocolate. but this crap? no way.

so. i panicked. and said,

“I’m just the babysitter. and i don’t have any money. can you come back a little bit later?”

the girls did a look-over. they gave me the up and down. they knew i was lying. they could see me sweating. so, i slammed the door. and then i realized how they knew i was lying. i was the “babysitter” who clearly makes herself quite at home…

hahah.

give me chocolate, damnit.

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  1. Ha ha, nice try! But freezies? Really? Those girls have to come up with something better than freezies if they want to make any money!

    Katies last blog post..Keep These in Your Back Pocket

    [Reply]

    Comment by Katie on July 11, 2008
  2. Well, if you are looking for a little love from some religious zealots, come over my way. I get ‘em all. They must think that I’m extra damned or something.

    manager moms last blog post..Anatomy Of A Bathroom Visit

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    Comment by manager mom on July 11, 2008
  3. eight feet of kit kat?!?

    eight feet?!?

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    Comment by SciFi Dad on July 11, 2008
  4. a babysitter with some awesome lounge pants.

    [Reply]

    Comment by gorillabuns on July 11, 2008
  5. Now I know who to hit up when my kids start selling that crap.

    “Let’s see how many chocolate bars “Auntie Ali” will buy, kids!”

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    Comment by Matthew on July 11, 2008
  6. Hahaha! I usually try the old “No Eeeeng-lish, please”, line…doesn’t work, either.

    Cristans last blog post..I saw something scarier than the sharks at the Aquarium today.

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    Comment by Cristan on July 11, 2008
  7. Now if they’d called the company “Land of Chcocolate” we’d be on to something…
    Mmmm… chocolate dogs…

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    Comment by Giblet on July 11, 2008
  8. Regardless of the, um, name, I could totally use a box of Chocolatetown.

    She Likes Purples last blog post..What You Should Know About Me…

    [Reply]

    Comment by She Likes Purple on July 11, 2008
  9. I’ve used the ‘I’m just the maid’ thing with telemarketers, but never in my pjs on the front porch. LOL That’s classic!

    And seriously, freezies? Door to door? Ew.

    We had plenty of JWs show up at the door when I was younger. My dad (the Baptist preacher) would greet them, listen to their talk, then refuse to take their literature unless they took his. No JW left our house without a good ol’ Southern Baptist tract in their pocket. lol

    [Reply]

    Comment by AJ on July 11, 2008
  10. Hahahahaha, that is awesome.

    Also, Jehovah’s Witnesses always remind me of Where the Heart Is (did you see the movie?), and also the time that two chased me down the street pelting me with Bibles on my university campus, even after I already told them I was, indeed, going to Heaven. But I don’t think I have to tell you about the religious Crazies in the South.

    Mmmm, chocolate. Judging by my blog title, I’m sure you can tell my weakness there ;-)

    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..A Neighbor Even Mr. Rogers Wouldn’t Like

    [Reply]

    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on July 11, 2008
  11. ahahhaha poor girls having the door slammed in their faces. I HATE door-to-door solicitors. I never have cash when the good ones come around, either.

    Assertagirls last blog post..The obligatory pre-BlogHer post.

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    Comment by Assertagirl on July 11, 2008
  12. Are those doughnuts on your pants?!?! Awesome.

    Kristies last blog post..I need a favor from you, Internet

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    Comment by Kristie on July 11, 2008
  13. I would have taken the Freezies over the crap we get in our neighborhood. Quit trying to sell me magazines and newspapers! Edible crap is a much easier sell.

    Megans last blog post..Things I don’t get.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Megan on July 11, 2008
  14. that’s why god invented peep holes.

    Only open for UPS man delivering my monthly wine shipment.

    [Reply]

    Comment by swirl girl on July 11, 2008
  15. Yeah, I live near ChocolateTown, and its as cheesy as it sounds. But when its going to rain, omgoodness it smells so fabulously good. You can seriously just about gain weight by inhaling.

    DoodleBunzs last blog post..Trivial

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    Comment by DoodleBunz on July 11, 2008
  16. LMFAO- omg, i’m dying! HAHAHHAA… love it.

    and ps- your boobs look AMAZING!

    jennsters last blog post..i’m a foul mouthed dirty whore

    [Reply]

    Comment by jennster on July 11, 2008
  17. hahaha! Ali you are so funny.and the strangest thing kids have tried selling me.pixie sticks.and one was already opened umm no thanks!

    [Reply]

    Comment by LAVENDULA on July 11, 2008
  18. I don’t even know what freezies are! And I LOVE candy!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Lissa on July 11, 2008
  19. We’re like, raising money for kids that have, ya know, like cooties and stuff.

    [Reply]

    Comment by autumn dahlia on July 11, 2008
  20. wanted to put a big sign on my door that says,”ARE YOU A GIRL SCOUT? RING THE DAMN BELL, BEETCHES! I NEED ME SOME THIN MINTS!”

    My husband said no, though.
    Party pooper.

    Loralees last blog post..Um, okaaaaaaaay. I guess it’s fine as long as it doesn’t develop into some oedipal complex thing…

    [Reply]

    Comment by Loralee on July 11, 2008
  21. I miss freezies (Mr. Freeze :} )

    Out here it’s Otter Pops and they just aren’t the same.

    My wife has noticed that there are a lot of “Mr” things in Canada.

    Mr. Freeze. Mr. Sub. Mr. Noodles.

    Backpacking Dads last blog post..Suburbanity and the Future

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    Comment by Backpacking Dad on July 11, 2008
  22. Next time tell them you are the nanny. More plausible ;)

    Angellas last blog post..Introducing Myself

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    Comment by Angella on July 11, 2008
  23. LOLOLOLOLOL.

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    Comment by mamatulip on July 11, 2008
  24. I am so out of the loop…What is a freezy?

    Nap Wardens last blog post..Orville…Step Aside.

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    Comment by Nap Warden on July 11, 2008
  25. OK what the hell is a freezie? is that some weird canadian food?

    Nice PJ’S! Makes me want to jump and the couch and watch a movie with you!

    Misss last blog post..Things that need to be said

    [Reply]

    Comment by Miss on July 11, 2008
  26. OK Canada, what are freezies? I have never heard of them.

    Your donut po-jammy jams are awesome, by the way.

    heathers last blog post..Traffic Jam

    [Reply]

    Comment by heather on July 11, 2008
  27. mmmm….kitkat….

    And, now you can see what you’d look like with short hair! great pic!

    Haley-Os last blog post..Don’t Get Me Started

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    Comment by Haley-O on July 11, 2008
  28. I’d mail you some but it may be nasty when it got there…;)

    Hockeymans last blog post..Daddy Date Night Thursday

    [Reply]

    Comment by Hockeyman on July 11, 2008
  29. I keep making myself No Solicitor signs at work but never get around to putting them up at home. I really hate that sort of thing.
    I do however fall for the candy sellers at the office 99% of the time. I like the chocolate covered carmel. mmmm…

    bte – love the jammy pants. seriously I do. yum!-

    monstergirlees last blog post..Ocean Snag

    [Reply]

    Comment by monstergirlee on July 11, 2008
  30. This reminds me… I bought a Subway card from a fundraiser last year, and the girl never delivered it. I want my ten bucks back!

    I usually tell the kids that my little brother is selling candybars (or whatever) for his school, too, and I already bought some from him. It works every time.

    Britts last blog post..The Parable of the Morning Glory

    [Reply]

    Comment by Britt on July 12, 2008
  31. This is why I live in an apartment with a buzzer that I can ignore.

    Kristabellas last blog post..The Extent Of My Political Discussion

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    Comment by Kristabella on July 12, 2008
  32. I used to live with an Asian guy and had these two Mormon missionaries coming by my apartment FOR WEEKS trying to talk to him. It turned out it was their mission to seek out Asians in Los Angeles to spread the word to. I finally ended up telling them that my roommate, despite having the last name “Lim,” was actually Italian. Smooth, aye?

    Mikes last blog post..Sick Watch: Day 2

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mike on July 12, 2008
  33. We live on a busy street and there is always someone knocking on the door looking for $$.

    Teena in Torontos last blog post..Camera Critters

    [Reply]

    Comment by Teena in Toronto on July 12, 2008
  34. Yesterday I bought two tubs of frozen chocolate chip cookie dough in support of our high school marching band.

    Score. Should have bought two more though.

    [Reply]

    Comment by ohmommy on July 12, 2008
  35. Stop by my place anytime…our street faces the Watchtower/Canadian Headquarter for JW’s.
    It’s about a 2 minute walk.
    It amazes me that they still come by so often. Same old guy with a really young guy…

    PS – I’m on my second chocolate bar as I type this.
    yum…meeee!

    Christines last blog post..

    [Reply]

    Comment by Christine on July 12, 2008
  36. HAHAHAHA.
    I am on the Frequent Visit List for the Jehovah’s Witnesses – you can just see the hope in their faces that any moment now, I’ll convert.
    Oh well. They’re rather sweet.

    My husband works for a company where everyone but him and another designer are Jehoavah’s Witnesses – and it’s a lovely work enviroment.

    Rebeccas last blog post..

    [Reply]

    Comment by Rebecca on July 13, 2008
  37. Heck, I’d give anything for ANY one to knock on my door out here in the sticks.

    I’m starting to lose my mind a bit with only having the kids to talk to.

    But um, whatcha gonna do if they ACTUALLY come back? LOL.

    Redneck Mommys last blog post..For The Love of A Good Power Mower

    [Reply]

    Comment by Redneck Mommy on July 13, 2008
  38. YOU are absolutely hilarious…the baby sitter…LOL!!! Good one :)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Multi-Tasking Mommy on July 14, 2008
  39. Lol! I think you’ve stumbled onto The Universe’s grand design somehow. I’m not sure what the message is, except the one you don’t want/can’t resist is what inevitably shows up.

    anne nahms last blog post..Food Porn: Carrot Edition

    [Reply]

    Comment by anne nahm on July 14, 2008
  40. Hey, just stoped to say that I like the way you write…You made my day :D Thanks for this! –NaNCY–

    [Reply]

    Comment by Milf Soup Fan on August 31, 2008
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