November 19 06

i have received many an email from readers and many a phone call from friends (yes! i have friends!) asking me why i’m doing this diet.

“but you’re so skinny/slim/small/wee (insert what you will here), you don’t need to go on a diet.”

i figured i may as well take you back to where this all started.

6 months after i had Isabella, i jumped with glee and a smile from ear to ear as i looked down at my scale and saw numbers i hadn’t seen in ages. i had done it. down to the prepregnancy weight, and wonder of wonders, all of my clothing fit me. hallelujah. it was cause for celebration.

well…i celebrated by going back on the pill for the first time since i went off it to get pregnant with Emily. if you do your math correctly…that was way back in 2000. a long time to be off the pill. if you are a relative you may want to stop reading right about now…there will be talk of sex. so, if you are, say, my father in law, who i have heard from little birdies that he sometimes hangs out around here, you might just want to close your browser.

I decided that i really wanted to NOT have to think about protection for a while. We thought we had it down, but clearly we didn’t, since we unexpectedly ended up with Isabella (please note, we were thrilled to pieces when we found out we were pregnant, and weren’t ALL that shocked…since we aren’t stupid. the pull and pray method doesn’t always work. no, really, it doesn’t.)

one month on the pill and hey…those clothes that were fitting me…not so much anymore. i watched as the scale creeped and creeped. until i plateaued. 8 pounds up. 8. yes. it’s no small shakes to gain 8 pounds in one month. it…well, to put it mildly…and to steal from Chris…it sucks hairy donkey balls. everyone said that it was normal, and that it would come off. well, folks, that was, oh, about 8 months ago…and guess what? didn’t come off. no ma’am. it’s still there in all its glory. i’ve tried to exercise it off. i’ve tried to starve it off. i’ve tried to eat cake it off. nothing worked.

so, when the husband lost a shitload of weight in 10 days, i figured that i really had nothing to lose. my weight wasn’t going anywhere. also…it seemed logical that either i was going to have to lose weight in order to fit into the clothing, or i was going to have to buy new clothing (the husband and i decided that losing weight was much cheaper and more sensible) so, on to the South Beach diet i went. and here i am, one week later (i started this thing last sunday morning) and want to know what i have to show for it?

nothing. i’ve lost a whopping half a pound.

fuck. fuckity fuck fuck.

it doesn’t make any sort of logical sense to me. my diet used to consist of carbs, carbs, carbs, carbs, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, coffee, oh and then some more carbs. i liked to eat rice cakes. and bread. and cookies. and cake. and donuts. and pasta. and more cookies. and power bars. and cereal. notice what it is…carbs and sugar.

so, for the past week i haven’t had a single dessert. not one. i havent had a piece of bread. or a cookie. or a piece of cake. no pasta. no donuts. nothing.

wanna know what i’ve been eating? low fat cheese, natural peanut butter (only 2 tablespoons a day, though) and celery, cashews, salad, veggie deli, more salad, and vegetables. THAT’s it.

anyone want to explain it?

i have two theories. a) maybe this diet is JUST not meant for everyone. maybe they need to take their “you will lose between 8-13 pounds in the first phase” off of their advertising. because, dude, it’s not true for yours truly. maybe some people NEED carbs and sugar. maybe peoples’ bodies work differently. or b) maybe i’m stuck at this weight forever, no matter what the hell i eat. and i should just enjoy myself instead of filling my body with more protein.

anyone else care to share a theory?

i promised the husband i’d stick it out until the end of phase one. one more week. til next sunday morning. because i’m NOT a quitter (although i seemed to have quit the 365 days thing, even though i said i wouldn’t) and because i DO have to give the second week a chance. maybe it will all start to fly off this week. you never know.

jesus, i fuckin’ want a cookie. just a small one. an oreo would do. or a homemade chocolate chip one. or a girl scout mint from the freezer. i don’t even need an actual cookie. cookie dough would suffice. anyone offering? because seriously, this diet is kicking my ass and i’ll be your best friend…

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  1. I know…I know…. These diets suck. And, I, too, want a cookie, and a chai tea latte. I bet the weight will come off in the second week of the program. Are you drinking water? Exercising? That might help. Personally, though, I think you look awesome with or without the extra 8 pounds (which are probably water because you can’t see them at all on you!).

    [Reply]

    Comment by haley-o on November 19, 2006
  2. Hi there Ali!

    I love reading your blog, I have told you that before. I am reading your South Beach stories and am amazed at your will power. I have none it seems…. but as far as just accepting yourself as you are….. read my entries on my alter-ego blog Imperfect Perfections I hope this week works for you, but if it doesn’t, do what my mother told me to do all my life…..have a cookie, you’ll feel better. *EG*

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    Comment by Iris/Rissy on November 19, 2006
  3. Maybe a different pill? If diets and exercise aren’t helping (and I believe you because I know you have willpower) it may just be the hormones and time to try something else.

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    Comment by Beth on November 19, 2006
  4. Oh, girl, I have not a lick of good advice for you. :( I’m sorry. It sucks!

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    Comment by Stacie on November 19, 2006
  5. Okay, yeah. I’ve gained… let’s see… 20 pounds since I turned 30 (so that’s over nearly five years) without changing my eating habits, without becoming inactive – although I did have two more children in that time frame, but still. And that weight will NOT come off. As far as I know, it’s the horrible metabolism that results from being in one’s 30s and having kids – sluggish.
    If the South Beach Diet isn’t working for you, than it’s time to try out another one. It might just not work with your particular metabolism. I’m trying really hard to lose weight right now, and it’s not BUDGING. ACK.

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    Comment by Rebecca on November 20, 2006
  6. The pill always made me gain weight – why don’t you try an IUD? It works for me (haven’t been on the pill since 97) and we still need to use something (and don’t want hubby to have the snip, as he is too young) obviously — we conceived a baby after I turned 40, AND on the MAP, no less ROFLMAO.

    good luck.

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    Comment by Heidi on November 20, 2006
  7. Yeah, Ali, I couldn’t do it. You’d have to throw me into the looney bin. But I know what you mean, I am perpetually trying the lose the “last 5 pounds”. Gah.

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    Comment by Jodi on November 20, 2006
  8. You are a far stronger woman than I. I have 18lbs to lose. But South Beach??? NO frickin way I could do that. I love carbs and sugar WAY too much.

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    Comment by Jay on November 20, 2006
  9. Damn Ali…I don’t know what to say.
    The Pill – turns me completely psycho. We are taking extreme measure and surgically – permanently – fixing it so that Seans swimmers no longer swim (consult on Friday!!!!)

    The diet – ugh…thats frustrating. I would recommend it because Seans weight literally fell off. And I didn’t need to lose, but I did phase 2 and fell an immediate (well…in 3 days) difference in my middle.
    Sorry that the results aren’t there yet.
    Kudos to you for sticking with it!

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    Comment by Christine on November 20, 2006
  10. It is so very annoying that men lose their extra weight so much faster than us.

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    Comment by Gina on November 20, 2006
  11. I feel you on the weight gain because when I went on the pill years ago, I gained 40lbs. in one year. All fucking hormonal. I had raging headaches, moodswings, etc. All that went away when I went off the pill EXCEPT for the weight. Damn I used to be much skinnier.

    So, I’m thinking.. those 8 lbs that you have gained are the inevitable hormonal changing pounds that come with putting a synthetic foreign substance into your body as a means of birth control. It sucks “what you said” because the pill is like, the greatest invention but so bad for our minds and bodies.

    I say, screw it all. Just eat how you normally eat, stick to your Pilates, add a few crunches, do Bella Dancerella with Emily.. it’ll come off. Just not as fast as your hubby’s did.
    :)

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    Comment by bella ~ Liz on November 20, 2006
  12. I am not qualified to talk. I have no will-power and I have over the years become and expert excuse-maker. Disclaimer done. But still, maybe pre-pregnancy weight is just an unrealistic number that ought not to ruin your happiness? I don’t mean to accuse you of allowing that – merely to warn. It’s all a thing about balance, of course.

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    Comment by Brenda on November 20, 2006
  13. I tend to believe that there’s a weight where we’re just gonna stay. But that might be my own excuse for being unable to get below mine…

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    Comment by Sadie on November 20, 2006
  14. I have two big tubs of cookie dough in my fridge. Come on over! By the way you look fabulous this very second but do whatever makes you feel good and healthy.

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    Comment by something blue on November 20, 2006
  15. Dear Ali, you shouldn’t be on a ‘diet’ where when you stop you will go back to old habits and gain the weight back if not more. be sensible, accept yourself for who you are, or follow this formula: eating less + exercising more = weight loss. Anyone who tries to tell/sell you different is out to make a shitload of money off the desperate women and men who are looking for a magic bullet to solve their weight issues. sorry this is not the answer you are looking for, but it is the truth. Now go eat a damn cookie then burn it off on a 10 minute walk!!!

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    Comment by healthygirl on November 20, 2006
  16. I will sing the praises of lower-carb dieting forever, because that’s how I lost 32 lbs. and kept it off. Well, I kept it off until I went OFF the pill. As soon as I went off the pill, I gained 8 lbs. WTF? But, I also agree with believing there’s an ideal weight we’re all supposed to be at – for the life of me, I can’t go below 139 lbs. and seem to level out at 143. But, my weight can swing upwards of 150 depending on where I am in my cycle.

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    Comment by Stacy on November 20, 2006
  17. Oh wait, duh – you said you gained 8 lbs. when you went off the pill, too. I’m having one of those days. Yes, I feel your pain – especially when the waistband of my jeans is digging into my waist. ;)

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    Comment by Stacy on November 20, 2006
  18. Are your two oldest kids in a suave commercial? If not you need to check it out. I think they look soooo much like your cuties :)

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    Comment by Laura on November 20, 2006
  19. When I tried that diet…macadamia nuts were my lifesaver. So utterly indulgent, so sinfully delicious…and so few carbs.

    I have another solution, but I can’t post it on this blog. E-mail me if you want it!

    Di

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    Comment by Di on November 20, 2006
  20. “many a phone call from friends (yes! i have friends!)”

    I have friends too…but many of them don’t call me because they say they just have to read my blog to find out what’s going on with me!

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    Comment by Di on November 20, 2006
  21. i’m on nuvaring and that seems to be affecting my weight less than the pill did.

    also, the diet thing? i found when i was dieting that the weeks i cheated were the weeks i lost the most weight. i think sometimes when you eat too few calories, your body has a harder time letting go of the weight.

    so stick with it another week but maybe sneak in some ice cream….or bread! haha

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    Comment by katie on November 20, 2006
  22. damn girl I was going to use a sucks donkey dick or balls reference in my post upcoming and you took it from me…..
    You know I wish you the best with the diet. I say just go off the damn pill. It made me gain 7 -10 pounds overnight. And that was back in my twenties (goddess knows what it would do to me now….). So, keep at it. My only only concern is that you are going to have to go back to eating like a normal person at some time….

    (ummmm,said in a whisper… how about condoms?)

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    Comment by anne/crazymumma on November 20, 2006
  23. Oh, Ali!
    Good luck to you :)
    I am proud of you for sticking it out this far.
    I can’t say much about the whole diet thing because, well, I just don’t believe in them. They aren’t for everybody AND they do make you lose weight, but then once you fall off the diet (which eventually you always do), what will you do to maintain the weight? I believe in the “healthy lifestyle” approach, everything in moderation (do I follow it well, not necessarily).
    Good luck! I know you can do the next week and yes, I too think that you will lose more this week!!!

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    Comment by Amanda on November 20, 2006
  24. Big hairy donkey balls indeed. Good luck!!

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    Comment by Chris on November 21, 2006
  25. I completely understand! It’s so frustrating. I think, sadly, that diets really don’t work all that well. Unless you freaking up your cardio. I think it’s hard too, because when you’re small, even two pounds makes the difference between fitting into clothes and not….

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    Comment by rebecca on November 21, 2006
  26. Hi Ali! I hope you’re still doing well – you’ll be so proud of yourself when you’re done! Good luck!

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    Comment by Joanne on November 21, 2006
  27. Yeah I lost all of my Oliver weight with a lot of exercise and limited foods, then went back on the pill and got a bulgy belly, which I could handle for only 3 months. I just stopped taking the pill and I keep shrinking, so no pill for me. I don’t need a pill to put on the pounds. Pull and pray will have to do for now, because well, a baby would be a very happy accident. Good luck to you, but after three months of trying myself I dare say that 8 lbs will probably stick no mattah what while you’re on the pill.

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    Comment by Rebecca on November 21, 2006
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