No. We do not have a venue yet for our event in 26 days.

Yes. We are confident that we will have one.

Yes. I 100% know that you all (well, at least 98% of you) mean so, so well when you message me and ask, “FOUND A NEW VENUE YET?” but each time it makes me feel less like you are worried/nervous/concerned for me and more like you know that the Martells as the topic du jour and want some sort of gossip.

(Remember when you were pregnant and overdue and uncomfortable and people messaged you all ‘so…did you have the baby yet?’ and you just want to cry because you know that every time you say that no, in fact, you have not had the baby yet, it’s just another reminder that you have no had the baby yet and really, do people think you won’t tell them and shower them with a million photos of a fresh baby burrito?)

(THAT.)

Yes. I promise to tell you when we do, in fact, have one.

Yes. I will take your advice on centerpieces because it looks like our small and intimate dessert affair is now going to be more of a sit-down sushi and appetizer dinner-ish affair and now it looks like I have twenty six days to figure out how to make tables look lovely and surprise! I do not have a DIY bone in my entire body, no matter what my Pinterest page looks like to you. For real. I mean, for example, want to know what my children are taking to school for Valentine’s Day tomorrow? It’s a trick question, really, because hell if I know what they are taking. You will have to forgive me, though, because celebrating Valentine’s Day—which apparently is now called Friendship Day?—at school is a new phenomenon for my previously Jewish Day School-ed children.

Yes. I am drowning myself in season one of Sons of Anarchy (I know. I’m late to this party. So late.) because ohmygod I cannot stop watching and somehow I’m finding myself up at 2:30 in the morning, desperately needing to find out what is happening next with the lovely Jax and Rachel Menken, and, uh, desperately wanting to give Jax a bath which is about 800 times less sexual than it sounds, it’s mostly that it makes me slightly uncomfortable and I guess as a parent, this is a cross I have to bear—wanting people to be clean. My Jared Leto-loving teenaged self would be mortified right now.

Yes. I do make emotional purchases and somehow ended up with a new chandelier to go with my new kitchen table and my new kitchen chairs. (Happy next three birthdays to me.)

But I guess the good news is that if we don’t find a venue, I can just put all 150 people around my new kitchen table.

And maybe we can watch Sons of Anarchy.