1. “250 strands of lights, 100 individual bulbs per strand, for a grand total of 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights.”
2. “Aunt Clara had, for years, labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually four years old, but also a girl.”
3. “Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?”
4. “I can’t get the antlers glued onto this little guy. We tried Crazy Glue, but it don’t work.”
“Have you tried staples?”
5. “Keep the change ya filthy animal”