Normally, I am terrified of birds. My nightmares often look like this

with a little bit of scary clowns and evil children of the corn thrown in for good measure. Also inhabiting my scary dreams? All of my teeth falling out, one at a time, starting from the top front left one and going all the way back to the molars. Someone could probably write a thesis about me and conclude that I was allowed to watch too many scary movies when I was way too young to be watching them. Thanks, childhood babysitters. Although I’m still not sure about the teeth thing. Maybe it was from Little Shop of Horrors?

Anyway, when I took all three of my kids on a solo zoo adventure yesterday (omg, I took all three of my kids to the zoo yesterday and lived), the only thing they wanted to do, besides scour the zoo for caterpillars (I wish I was joking. They ignored most of the animals to play with the caterpillars. That they could find in their backyard), was feed the parakeets at the Boundless Budgie aviary. Atlanta wins, Ali loses. For a dollar a stick, you can opt to voluntarily be trapped in an aviary full of swooping birds. And you can go ahead and shake your stick at the birds in the hopes that he or she will come and snack on your snack. That is, of course, unless some rude child comes in and steals your budgie away.

But I sucked it up, hid behind both my children and my camera (I AM A PUSSY) and we pushed our way in so my kids would stop screaming and crying smile.

THE THINGS I DO FOR THESE CHILDREN.

The truth, I will tell you honestly, is that our zoo adventure was not as stressful as I had assumed it was going to be. The kids were dare I say GREAT and even Miss Emily, who never has fun anywhere and usually spends the entire time telling me that the zoo is for babies and why didn’t she get to bring a friend and why did she have to come and oh my god she’s so bored and tired and hungry and thirsty and when are we going home, thanked me for taking her to the zoo.

And I will tell you this.

Hands down. Because, good god, I adore Meryl Streep. Like, I want to make out with her and have her babies type of adoration. Or maybe just have pie with her. And her Julia Child performance was nothing short of amazing. And I’m ready for the Academy to just tailor make a Streep Award and just give her one each year. And, while I usually like Amy Adams, and not just because she looks exactly like her and is the star of Isabella’s most favorite movie to ever be, the Julie part of this movie was crap. Also, I don’t like the way she makes bloggers look like unlikable Carrie Bradshaws, and oh my god, her overuse of the ever-so-cringeworthy word “BLOG” just about killed it for me. It would be awesome if they could just remix the movie and rerelease it just as Julia. I would totally see it.

As long as there are no birds in it, because I am DONE with birds.

If you want to see more of me – and, I mean, obviously, you do – you can read my latest entertainment news over at Juice, my latest outfit over at The Urban Closet, my latest advice over at So You Want It, and my latest blathering over at Aiming Low.

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