Remember way back in March when the kids won feeder fish at a carnival and we had a toiletside funeral for Junior The Fish and Josh was devastated and gave a weepy speech all “Junior was such a good fish. He gave me so much joy.” and you all laughed because it was hilarious? Well, Isabella’s fish Sam bit it while we were away in Milwaukee. Instead of having to explain another death in the family to Isabella, my dad and husband decided the best plan of action was to buy 100,000 feeder fish and throw them into a bowl and LIE TO HER AND TELL HER THAT HER FISH HAD BABIES. And while this was a really wonderful temporary fix, even though it took Josh straight to google because he knew better and goldfish do not give birth to live babies, Daddy. But Isabella was all OH MY GOD NO WAY THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER

…because it happened to Michelle’s new fish on Full House after she boiled Martin fish by taking a bubble bath with him, and Full House has really become my children’s Bible. Everything can be compared and contrasted to an episode of Full House. But now, having that many feeder fish that – ps – they only sold to my dad because he’d said that they were using them as FOOD for a larger pet, means that we are losing one just about every day. So guess whose job it is to dispose of the morning backfloater before Isabella is the wiser?

JUST GUESS.

No one ever did *that* on Full House. You know what else never happened on Full House? The Tanner family never ate sushi.

See what I did there? It’s a segue! It’s about fish! I realize that in the 80s and 90s sushi hadn’t become very popular. I mean, the only person I knew who was eating it was Claire (it’s a fat girl’s name) and even John Bender didn’t even know what sushi was and had to be all “SUSHI?”

Oh, that Molly. So ahead of her time. But, anyway, my kids and sushi? It’s ridiculous. And by ridiculous, I mean expensive. Sushi was probably our go-to family eating, mostly because Toronto is filled with many, many Asians AND Toronto is very big on the all-you-can-eat sushi places where kids can eat all they can eat for something like $4.95. I mean, sure, sometimes we are asked not to ever come back because they lose their shirts when my kids come in and pack away 87 pieces of salmon sashimi. I am not even lying here. My kids eat salmon sashimi. As in, they will just toss a giant slabs of raw fish into their gobs and not even think twice about it.

Atlanta, however, believes in the go-big-or-go-home chain restaurants. And, at least near my neighborhood, the hole-in-the-wall ethnic places are all Mexican. If we want sushi, we have to pay by the piece…and oh my god, do you know how much salmon sashimi costs?

Maybe I should just tell Isabella that eating salmon is like eating SAM THE FISH. Do you think anyone would do that on Full House?

Maybe Uncle Jesse…he was radical like that.