If you ask Emily, she’s not the favorite. She feels overlooked.

If you ask Josh, he’s not the favorite. He feels overlooked.

If you ask Isabella, she’s not the favorite. She feels overlooked.

If you have ever talked to a parent, been a parent, watched a television show about a parent, you know there’s that standard answer: Oh, child of mine, you know that’s so silly. I don’t have a favorite. You’re all my favorite, of course. 

Maybe favorite is the wrong word choice. But, if we’re being honest, I certainly have moments where I’m more frustrated with one of my children. There are days when someone is particularly sassy. There are days when someone doesn’t have a grateful heart. There are days when it’s really hard to get someone out of bed. There are days when it’s really hard to get someone to go to bed. There are days when we gets those calls or emails from teachers.

There are days when I have to do too much math homework. But there are also days when I don’t have to do any homework {math or other frustrating subjects} at all.

And days when we get calls or emails to tell us that one of our children did something particularly incredible.  There are days when someone wants to cuddle with me before bed. There are days when someone hops out of bed in the morning and makes me a coffee. There are days when someone is grateful or says when someone is so sweet and kind and lovely.

Children are hard. Sometimes. They are emotional and physical work. They can be exhausting. They can make you cry. But children can also make you cry the best kind of tears. The kind when you just look at them and think I AM SO LUCKY THAT THIS CHILD IS MINE. Wonders, if you will.

These emotional swings do just that…they swing. On Monday I could be completely ignoring Josh because his needs and wants are so few, and Isabella gets the bulk of my attention because she’s struggling with something, and Emily gets what is left because she has a driving test we need to focus on. On Tuesday Emily could be the one who gets ignored because Isabella is dancing on stage and Josh needs math help. And then on Wednesday it’s Isabella’s turn to be overlooked.

The overlooked child. It’s something I have been thinking about lately. 

This all came to a tearful head when I was sitting in a very crowded theatre — with my kids to the left of me, and my parents to the right of me — during a winter-break viewing of Wonder.

I began to think about this balance in our family.

Because that’s exactly what happened in Wonder.

There is a scene — spoiler alert! — when the often overlooked older sister Via gets off a stage after a much-needed night of attention on just her and her mother gives her this look, and points at her, and that moment right there ended in SOBS. Because I have been there. Too many times to count, but certainly enough times to make me feel guilty.

I have overlooked an easier child to help a needier child. (And truthfully, I have also been an overlooked child because my mother had to be with a needier sibling.)

There were so many moments in the movie that made me think about being a mom. That made me think about being a daughter.

But that one, you guys, that moment, that was my Claire Danes ugly cry moment.

Interestingly, as a little sidebar to this story, only two of my children were with me in the theatre that night. One of my children had been having one of those days just before we left the house. I was so upset with this child’s selfishness and sassiness that I finally reached a breaking point and said, “I’m sorry. You are not invited to come with us to see this movie. You can stay home.”

So while I’m thinking about overlooking some of my children, I’m also thinking about punishments and follow-throughs.

Seriously parenting. It is not for the faint of heart. 

I’m telling you right now, if you haven’t seen this movie, you must. Everyone I know who has seen it has been touched by it (and maybe possibly cried)(Likely not as much as I did)(and probably didn’t embarrass their children as much as I did). For so many reasons. It was funny, it was touching, it was wonderful. (See what I did there?) Julia Roberts, Jacob Tremblay, and Owen Wilson perfectly play the characters so wonderfully written in R.J. Palacio’s original Wonder book. And listen…Daveed Diggs (YOU KNOW FROM HAMILTON OMG) and Mandy Patinkin are also in this movie so that alone should make it worth seeing. Daveed Diggs, you guys.

And I am super thankful to have FIVE copies of Wonder to give away.

Yes, you read that right. Five. And I’ve made it super easy for you to win. You just have to comment and tell me the name of the last best book you’ve read is. That’s it. I’ll go first. I recently read Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng, Manhattan Beach by Jennifer Egan, and Forest Dark by Nicole Krauss. But, of course, I’m always looking for something good to read.

So comment! 

(And win!)(Winners will be chosen randomly at 5pm on February 13th.)