February 12 18

Every time more than one seemingly bad thing happens in a row, instinctively and without thought, I throw my hands up in the air and say, “Maybe Mercury is in Retrograde!”  Now, here’s where I let you know that I have absolutely not one clue what mercury in retrograde actually means but pop culture has taught me that it’s a special time where bad things happen and it gets blamed for a lot of things. So this week, when my dishwasher actually fell out of the wall and onto me {not an exaggeration}{dishwashers are heavy you guys} and then my washing machine’s motor decided to up and die on me and I thought about how much laundry two adults plus three children produce on a daily basis, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted to no one in particular

Maybe Mercury is in Retrograde!

Retrograde or not, there is not a thing in my house that works harder than my washing machine, so I knew it needed to be replaced as swiftly as possible. So, my husband and I did what smart people do — we bought the biggest and most powerful washing machine that would fit into the space in my laundry room. You see, in the thing called LAUNDRY MATH, the numbers in our household do not add up. Every time I do laundry, there are at least 6 of Emily’s hoodies in her hamper, which means that she must be cycling through hoodies by the pair daily. There are more towels than humans and I cannot for the life of me figure out the situation with pajamas. Nobody in our house even sleeps. 

So what I’m saying is, when it comes to laundry machines, biggest is better!

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But, well, there’s one thing we didn’t take into account when we ordered our washing machine on the internet, Sears Roebuck catalog-style. There’s no part in the description that says: NOT FOR USE BY SHORT PEOPLE.

Because here’s the thing. Even with a step stool, I have to legit climb into my washer to get the socks and underpants out. It’s basically a gymnastics workout, and now I have interesting bruises on my elbows. Don’t ask. No really, don’t.

I ordered a claw on Amazon. Because I order everything on amazon and like most people, have zero cars in my garage because my garage is filled with bikes and empty amazon boxes. But until it arrives (not eligible for prime booo) we have to get a little creative.

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Take that, Mercury.


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