February 11 10

While my first-born is off in the holy land doing important things like climbing Masada with her cousins

and eating shawarma the size of her head…

I thought I’d give you a little taste of what WE, at home, are doing as she’s climbing a fortress:

6:45. Alarm goes off. Ali hits snooze.

6:54. Alarm goes off. Ali hits snooze.

7:03. Alarm goes off. Ali hits snooze.

7:12. Alarm goes off. Ali hits snooze.

7:13. Ali wakes up Josh. Good morning, starshine! The earth says HELLO! (from Hair. or Willy Wonka. Either way) Josh sleeps.

7:15. Ali wake up Isabella.

7:17. Ali wakes up Josh, again.

7:18. Ali gets Isabella dressed. Isabella cries. Isabella undresses and redresses in something more to her liking.

7:19. Ali wakes up Josh, again.

7:20. Isabella brushes her teeth, destroys bathroom.

7:21. Ali wakes up Josh, again.

7:22. Ali picks Josh up by his ankles and carries him to her room.

7:25. Everyone is finally dressed.

7:26. Indy goes out. Breakfast. There are tears because the cereal Isabella wants is finished and the cereal Josh wants is only allowed on weekends. Cry, cry, cry.

7:28. Isabella needs to pee.

7:29. Isabella drips on her underwear. Isabella goes upstairs to get new underwear.

7:30. Ali gets Isabella dressed. AGAIN.


“Josh, where are your shoes?”

“Josh, where is your hoodie?”

“Josh, where is your kippah?”

7:33. Josh shrugs. He doesn’t know.

7:34. Ali looks for Josh’s shoes.

7:35. Ali looks for Josh’s hoodie.

7:36. Ali looks for Josh’s kippah.

7:38. Ali lets Indy in and crates him.

7:39. Ali asks Josh to get his shoes, his hoodie and his kippah on.

7:40. Ali is still waiting.

7:42. Ali is still waiting.

7:44. Ali is still waiting.

7:46. Josh needs to pee.

7:48. Van. Finally.


“Turn on the movie!”

“No! Don’t turn on the movie!”

“I’m freezing!”

“I’m freezing!”

“BElla farted!”

“No, I didn’t!”

“Yes you did!”

“Shut up, Josh! No I didn’t! It was you!”

“Oh, that’s right. It was me.”

“Isabella, we don’t tell people to shut up. That’s not nice.”


“Mommy, I decided that if God comes and talks to me, I will be happy, but I don’t want him to come in a burning bush. Just a regular old bush.”

“Bella, you are so stupid. God won’t talk to you because you like Codename: Kids Next Door.”

“Josh, we don’t say people are stupid. That’s not nice.”

“Mommy, I think you are speeding.”

“Josh, we are sitting in traffic. I’m not even moving.”

“Well, still, you shouldn’t speed. It’s against the law.”

“Thanks, Josh. I appreciate the tip.”


“Mommy, I’m thirsty.”

“I’m sorry, Isabella. I don’t have a drink.”

“Yes you do.”

“No, Isabella. I don’t. That’s an empty coffee mug. And it’s your dads. I have no idea how long it’s been there.” (I know exactly how long it has been there. 3 weeks. I refuse to remove it from the car.)

“But, I’m so thirsty. My throat is closing up.”

“I am sorry, baby. I don’t have a drink.”

“Well, can I have some gum, then?”

“No. You can’t.”


“Turn on the movie!”

“No! Don’t turn on the movie!”

“I want to watch Toy Story!”

“I want to listen to Thriller.”

“Oh, yeah, I love that. The zombie song. Put on the zombie song.” (note: she is NOT scared of zombies. She is scared of God)


“I need coffee.”

“Coffee is bad for you, Mommy. It will make you stop growing.”

“Bud, I’m pretty sure that I’m done.”

“You are going to be a midget forever, then?!?!?”

“Yes, Josh. I guess I am.”



“Have a great day, Josh! Don’t miss me too much!”

“I won’t miss you at all, Mom.”

“Brilliant. That’s exactly what I meant.”

7:57: Ali tries to make a left turn out of the school.

7:58: Ali tries to make a left turn out of the school.

7:59: Ali tries to make a left turn out of the school.

8:00: Ali tries to make a left turn out of the school.

8:01: Ali tries to make a left turn out of the school.

8:02: Ali tries to make a left turn out of the school.

8:03: Ali tries to make a left turn out of the school.

8:04: Ali tries to make a left turn out of the school.

“Mommy! Let’s go! I am going to be late!!!!!!”

8:07: Arrive at Isabella’s school. Ali puts Isabella’s gloves on. Isabella takes them off. Isabella puts them on herself. Ali grabs Isabella’s backpack. Isabella screams that she wants to do it.


“Goodbye, my love. Have a great day!”



“Goodbye, my love. I am leaving now.”


8:10: Ali pries Isabella off of her. AND RUNS TO HER CAR.

I am pretty sure that Emily is getting the better end of this deal. I’d really like to be climbing Masada and eating Shawarma right now.

Or at least drinking coffee.

Since I am going to be a midget forever, and all.

  1. Do you ever stop yourself and ask, ‘how is it that this is what we WANTED???’
    .-= Mac and Cheese´s last blog ..False Advertising =-.

    Comment by Mac and Cheese on February 11, 2010
  2. Your Josh is the funniest kid!
    Is your morning easier, or harder without big sister for the kids?

    Comment by Sarah on February 11, 2010
  3. you know what, Sarah? Emily is so ridiculously easy in the mornings. She gets up, she dresses herself, she gets all her stuff ready to go all on her own. and she doesn’t eat breakfast. She is a pleasure in the morning.

    Comment by ali on February 11, 2010
  4. People, she is not exaggerating. I’ve experienced it in person.

    Also, a new place opened by my house called Shawarma Inn. And I have no idea what it is.

    Comment by Kristabella on February 11, 2010
  5. I’d rather be in the holy land eating Shawarma too and to be honest I’ve never even eaten Shawarma before but it’s warm there so I’m in!

    Comment by LovingDanger on February 11, 2010
  6. your posts make me laugh.

    Comment by Gav on February 11, 2010
  7. Oy! I just hope you’re dictating all these time intervals instead of trying to enter them into your BlackBerry while driving.

    Comment by feefifoto on February 11, 2010
  8. I love your kids. You were right when you said that they’d have a blast with mine.

    I also love that he called you a midget. AWESOME. 🙂
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..Confessions of a Recovering Addict =-.

    Comment by Angella on February 11, 2010
  9. I can’t tell you HOW much I relate to this post. Right down to the clothes change after a “pee drip.” All of it.

    Except that Emily’s in Israel. I didn’t know that. Wow!

    Comment by Haley-O (Cheaty) on February 11, 2010
  10. I think you deserve daily Starbucks after that!

    Comment by Avitable on February 11, 2010
  11. This is hysterical!

    I work from home one day a week and the other days I leave really early so I don’t see my girls.

    On the day I do take them to school, I literally have heart palpitations when I arrive back home and have done enough talking to last me the rest of the day.

    Sadie at heyMamas
    .-= Sadie at heyMamas´s last blog ..Love it =-.

    Comment by Sadie at heyMamas on February 11, 2010
  12. *giggles*
    .-= Katie´s last blog ..No regrets, really? =-.

    Comment by Katie on February 11, 2010
  13. Oh man, these posts are so much funnier now that I’ve seen it and know that your kids are real.

    Comment by slynnro on February 14, 2010

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