I am rereading Wuthering Heights. Although rereading might be kind of an untruth…because, you see, when it was assigned to me to read for Mrs. Rosenwald’s English class, I, well, um, there was a movie, and there just wasn’t time, and well, I didn’t actually read it. I did, however, manage to write A- papers on it. But now I’m actually reading it, and I really have no clue why…because, honestly, it’s really not very good. BUT, in chapter 31, when Catherine says, “I wish you would repeat Chevy Chase as you did yesterday: it was extremely funny,” I start to laugh. Because all I can think of is Catherine asking him to quote lines from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. or The Three Amigos. or Community. But, you see, she was talking about the ballad, not the actor. Which, of course, leads me to be up at night wondering which came first…Chevy Chase, Maryland or Chevy Chase, the actor. AND when did the bank come to be.

YES. These things keep me up at night. When I have the best intentions to get to bed at 10pm. I just can’t…because I have to have talks about [metaphorical, really] Yemen tshirts and I have to watch The Outsiders when it’s on tv because, well, yesterday I got the privilege of bringing Miss Anissa something really wonderful…

YES, you guys. It’s really from The Karate Kid himself with handwritten notes telling Anissa to “stay gold” and to “wax onwards and upwards.” good people, that Ralph Macchio is. So, obviously, I have to watch The Outsiders and wonder how it is that Diane Lane and Rob Lowe still look exactly the same even though the movie was made in 1983. I guess they know the staying gold secret. Also, whenever they say the word “rumble” in the movie, I lose my shit. How come there aren’t any rumbles anymore?

And I have to download this new song for Emily – – –Ultraviolet by the Stiff Dylans – – – which I am super eager to download for her, because I have heard that stupid Owl City Fireflies song way too many times, I think I may actually be bleeding from my ears.

And I have to deal with my stupid dog. My dog has regressed to puppy stage, which, you know, good times for me. I have to spend a lot of time with him standing around in an unusually COLD Atlanta backyard watching him not do his business and then the rest of my time forcing him to hang out in his crate, because as soon as I let him out…even for 18 seconds….he leaves me packages. He is such a little shit, pardon my french, but he does this to me on purpose. I see that THIS is my punishment for having three children who pretty much all  toilet trained themselves. The same way Isabella being up the ENTIRE night last night wanting to watch 17 episodes of Little Bill is obviously punishment for having three children who slept through the night before they were all two months old.

And I have to send the husband photos of Emily’s PRIORITIES

And there are episodes of The Biggest Loser to watch and cheetos to eat.

And new mascaras to find. Please help me. I have tried about 77 in the last two weeks and HATE them all.

It’s really a wonder that I am able to stand upright most days.