if you’ve ever read this site before, you know i’m no stranger to bizarre food issues. if it’s your first time here, hi, i’m Ali, and i have bizarre food issues, especially where fruit is concerned…
fruit does not belong in dessert. There are, of course, a few exceptions to this rule. lemon, like in lemon-poppy loaf from starbucks.
yum. key lime, like in key lime pie. yum. apple pie. not sure why this one is okay, it just is. maybe because it’s an american institution.
fruit does not ever belong in salad form. this includes congealed southern salads. no matter how many marshmallows you put on top of jello, this concoction should NEVER be made, and certainly should never be served. fruit salad is obviously NOT okay. there are fruits that i will eat. strawberries. blueberries. raspberries, bananas…but if they are mixed together…ohmygoodgod, ew. the touching. the mixing of the different juices. heebie. jeebies. also, on this note, random fruit bits shouldn’t show up in otherwise acceptable vegetable salads. strawberries? NO! mandarin oranges? NO! and the very worst??? MANGO. mango is the worst salad surprise. (also wrong? PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA) (also wrong? TRIFLE)
when i was in Chicago with McDonald’s, it became clear to everyone that i was going to have a problem with the Smoothie making activity. clearly i’m a one fruit at a time kind of girl…and these smoothies? these were not just yogurt and bananas. these were all-fruit cocktails.
and don’t even get me started on the drinks. i cannot drink fruit juice really of any kind. possibly orange juice, if i’m forced. but apple juice? YEESH. the smell alone sends me running for the hills. and then there’s the alcohol. i’m a beer kind of girl. vodka? good. scotch? really good. wine? also good. occasional bailey’s type coffee-esque something? okay. but fruit? NO. no cosmos for this girl.
drinks, to me, should NEVER be pink. ever.
and so i lived my life for 30 years thinking i was alone in the non-fruit touching universe. i was the wall-e of fruit issues.
AND THEN I MET ANDREA.
soulmates, i tell you. all those food issues listed above? she’s got ALL OF THEM TOO.
(and she, like me, loves olives but not pickles)
(and she, like me, has issues with fridge water)
(she’s my EV-A)
maybe there are others like us.
yes? maybe?
no? no?
or maybe we need to go see about some double padded rooms.
*please note….if any of these commandments are transgressed, we can still be friends. i will even be happy to sit with you while you eat your fruit salad, as long as you don’t expect me to eat any of it. heh.
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