House of WeeAli, fall of 1986

My mom walked into the kitchen, looking weary, carrying many bags, including brand-new Cabbage Patch Kids for me and for my sister. I looked up and said the following to my mother:

“JERK ALERT!”

You see, I had just watched my VHS tape of The Goonies for the 800th time that week. I had already memorized the entire thing. I had questioned as to why Data talks about the octopus being really scary when there was NO OCTOPUS in the movie at all. I wanted to marry Mikey and kiss a boy with asthma and braces. I could do a mean truffle shuffle. I wanted to visit Astoria.

Needless to say, I did not get a Cabbage Patch Kid that day. In fact, I believe that I was sent to my room after I was lectured and yelled at.

House of NotSoWeeAli, fall of 2010

Josh’s mom walks into the kitchen, looking weary, carrying everyone’s backpack and lunch. Josh looked up and said the following to his mother:

“JERK ALERT!”

You see, my son is addicted to his DVD of The Goonies. He has watched it a thousand times and had memorized the entire thing. He, too, does a mean truffle shuffle. He giggles every time they Chunk glues the broken wiener on upside-down. He wonders why he’s never heard of Godfather’s Pizza. He wants to visit Astoria.

I looked at him, unsure of what to do here, and said this:

“Don’t ever say that…to Bubbie.”

And then we laughed.

And did the truffle shuffle.