I’m determined by nature and limited by finances and the Toronto nosebleed season of bad weather from November through June.

Also, I’m what you’d call a little bit unemployed (read: not only a little bit) and I’m down 2/3 of my noisemakers and food consumers — one is off having the time of her life in Camp Moshava and one is off having the time of his life in Green Bay Packers camp —

(look at that face my goodness)

so in between photoshoots and loads of laundry and runs and carpools and feeding Emily actual meals and not frat food, my brain is full of ideas of things I want to do next.

Today’s great idea: Turn my garage into a photo studio. 

It’s a good one, isn’t it? Look, I’m not one to take GREAT IDEAS lightly — remember what happened when Kristy Thomas had a great idea? I mean there’s a good chance that at the end of the day I’ll have chosen to clean out the front hall closet and watch Halt and Catch Fire while editing a shoot and trying to figure out what Amazon prime day is instead of designing a photo studio and my garage will still only be filled with bikes and barbecues but baby steps. I also want to choose the music for shows for teenagers.

I turned down a client yesterday. As a YES (WO)MAN, you could probably guess that this was really difficult for me. Typically, when a client comes to me with outside-of-the-box requests, I do everything in my power to make it work. Not so much because I need the business — although I love love love love photographing all the livelong day — but because the business end of my business is where I have worked hard to stand out. I try to make newborn sessions and mitzvahs and parties and family sessions as easy peasy and stress-less as possible. I work hard to make sure my clients walk away with smiles on their faces. {Side note to people who love to take photos: a photography business is very much a business} But sometimes you have to weigh the needs of your client and the needs of you as a professional and the most professional thing you can do in that moment is say that this just isn’t a good fit for everyone.

It was the right thing to do. I’m still feeling it today, though.

I assume this will get easier, as I continue to grow in my technical skills and in my businesswoman skills.

I have tried to figure out why saying no is so hard for me, why I consider myself to be a pleaser. I mean, I’m sure it’s all part of my whole anxiety situation. I had a very good therapist for a while {until she abruptly left the practice to go on medical leave, which was when I abruptly decided to stop seeing a therapist, but this is probably a story for another time.} and she was practically obsessed with the idea that I needed to learn to say no. There was homework and worksheets and a game that involved dimes (no, really) and deep conversations about my parents. I’m a true work in progress and am definitely getting better and learning how to value myself and yes, sometimes I can say no now.

It’s actually a shame that my husband has zero percent problem saying no…especially to things like garage photo studios.