July 29 09

So, I was all set to write you another post about BlogHer09, one that involved tales of too much barf in the Sheraton and one that involved Miss Metalia‘s brilliant idea (she’s an ideas person, you know…) to cure me of my phobias using a little aversion therapy (otherwise known as “you know what you need, Ali? A Vomiting Clown!”).

vomit clown


and then I was going to write you an entire post dedicated to how freaking LOVELY every single person was. and how we had to change rooms three times. And I *may* even know the tale of the disappearing Edward…

…but alas, too much has happened since I got trampled (for the second time that weekend – first was by some scary women in search of vibrators) to the floor by a jackass man-in-a-hurry. TO THE FLOOR. yeah, that was some good times right there. When I got back to my mom’s house I had to start packing up for our oh-my-good-god early flight the next day back to Toronto to pick up our wordly goods and the husband to begin our drive to our new home in Atlanta.

only there was a WEE problem:


um. yeah. that. which, of course, exploded into the complete destruction of my mom’s house, an angry and frustrated ali’s mom, an angry and frustrated ali’s husband, and an angry and frustrated ali. We called everyone we could get a hold of – – – immigration lawyers, border agents, Air Canada representatives, anyone who would answer the phone (which at 8:30pm on a Sunday night was, um, NO ONE). The husband faxed me a copy of Isabella’s birth certificate – this proves she’s a Canadian, a copy of her consular report of birth abroad and her social security cards – they prove she’s an American.

and I decided to take my chances at the airport in Milwaukee.

where they didn’t even ask to see her passport.

and then I decided to take my chances at immigration when we got to Toronto.

where they didn’t even ask to see her passport.

and then we decided to take our chances crossing back over the border in Detroit (after I had done the ugly cry saying goodbye to Jack and Ilana. UGLY CRY).

where (HAT TRICK!!) they didn’t even ask to see her passport.



(just the face of a holy terror)

and, apparently the face of a child who likes to entertain herself on long car rides by cleaning herself with baby wipes. and singing about it.

I hope the United States of America knows what its getting itself into…

more tomorrow about monsoons in Kentucky, strange men at rest stops, and how I embarrassed myself while talking about the original KFC.

for now, I have to go and throw out about 3 dozen baby wipes from my van.

  1. Um, cleaning with baby wipes? AWESOME. 🙂 My boys would ADORE her!

    Comment by pgoodness on July 29, 2009
  2. Am so glad that you guys made it safely and without border patrol issues with Isabella!

    Remind me and at some point I can relate to you the tell of when America thought my mom was a Dutch terrorist while she was on American soil and hadn’t left the country yet.

    Comment by Darcey on July 29, 2009
  3. Glad you made it safely!

    Please ask her to talk about sand castles in the next video so everyone can hear her cute semi-British accent!

    Comment by Kristabella on July 29, 2009
  4. Glad you made it! That ice cream cone looks like an interesting flavor…

    Comment by Kaleigha on July 30, 2009
  5. I think you guys are pretty gosh darn lucky! Customs freaks me out. I stammer and give them way more information than they want to know.

    Comment by Heather on July 30, 2009
  6. Glad you made it! I would have blurted out, “We have no passport!” out of sheer nervousness! : )

    Comment by Twenty Four At Heart on July 30, 2009
  7. That is awesome. And wow with as tight as border security is (Hell, Canada almost wouldn’t let me in and I HAD a valid U.S. passport), I’m rather shocked!

    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on July 30, 2009
  8. Sniff…you’re really gone from Canada now, aren’t you?

    Comment by Assertagirl on July 30, 2009
  9. You may be down one passport, but you’re up a vomiting clown. In the end, you’re a winner.

    Comment by mamatulip on July 30, 2009
  10. And the logic behind a vomiting clown is?

    Also, at least she cleans herself!

    Comment by SciFi Dad on July 30, 2009
  11. Yay! You made it safely!!

    Miss you 🙁

    Comment by Angella on July 30, 2009
  12. I’m not sure if that ice cream cone looks awesome or really kind of gross.

    Comment by C @ Kid Things on July 30, 2009
  13. hahaha i love bella she cracks me up!

    Comment by LAVENDULA on July 30, 2009
  14. That ice cream flavor looks PRECISELY like some shit Toops would order, with a name like RAD SPRINKLEZ RAZZAMATAZZBERRY EXTREEM or something. Oh, children. So very predictable.

    While I’m so happy that everything worked out with crossing The Border, to me, the most surprising thing about this post is that you managed to find a picture of a vomiting clown. (PLEASE DONT TELL ME ITS A FETISH.)

    Comment by metalia on July 30, 2009
  15. Love the video – glad to hear the passport issue wasn’t – I recently had a passport debacle of my own (lost the husbands) and can sympathize.

    Comment by lotuslandmom on July 30, 2009
  16. I live 3 miles from the original KFC in Kentucky. If you were there and I didn’t know, I’m going to be craaaaazy. I hope you dry humped the statue of the Colonel sitting on the bench. I know I always do.

    Comment by Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy on July 30, 2009
  17. Damn. I added her name to the Watch List, too, but apparently she squeaked by.

    Comment by Avitable on July 30, 2009
  18. She would get along GREAT with my 5 year old niece Angelina, who is seen here making up a song about hangers.


    Comment by Rhi on July 30, 2009
  19. You are soo lucky!!! Have to ask though…what is that white thing on her ice cream cone??? Have never seen that…but looks like an awesome invention!!!

    Oh and funny “no passport story”….this one time? I was in NYC and had my wallet (in which said passport was kept) was stolen by a pickpocket!!! And so I had no passport arriving back in Toronto….but the customs agent turned out to be this really nice girl who was a friend of a friend that I had met at a bar a few weeks before!!! Was very lucky…not sure what would have happened otherwise…because I um…may look slightly more less innocent than your adorable daughter :))
    .-= Kathy´s last blog ..Bagged lunches =-.

    Comment by Kathy on July 30, 2009
  20. Do kids need passports? I took mine to Mexico a few years back, and all I had to have was birth certificates. Of course we don’t have any international travel plans, so I probably don’t need to worry myself about it.
    .-= Suzy Voices´s last blog ..Duct Tape and Daddy O’Grape =-.

    Comment by Suzy Voices on July 30, 2009
  21. Fortunately/Unfortunately, the world’s first KFC is located in South Salt Lake City…nothing even close to Kentucky.

    Sigh. We Utahans love our deep fried chicken. ;o)


    Comment by heidikins on July 30, 2009
  22. She’s so cute! You can drop her off in Nashville on the way through if you want. We’ll give her all the wipes and ice cream she wants.

    It’s kid video day and who knew! You and me and Rachel (Southern Fairytale) all with the kid videos.
    .-= amy2boys´s last blog ..Bear’s First Commercial =-.

    Comment by amy2boys on July 30, 2009
  23. Wait – I am confused by all this border crossing. Did I miss something? Were you just screwing with fate?

    Comment by Miss Britt on July 31, 2009
  24. […] still trying to sell that one. I picked an awful time to need a favor from Ali, seeing as she had to move from Canada to the US as I decided to get serious about query letters. The fact that she even takes my emails anymore is […]

    Pingback by Don’t mustache. on April 13, 2011

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