5 pounds.
that’s how much weight i have gained since wednesday.
no, that’s not a joke.
or an exaggeration.
5 freakin’ pounds.

This trip with my family may have been the best one yet. mostly because after a little fight the first day, my mom played her “sulk” card the whole time. the sulk card is my favorite of hers since it’s usually the quietest. it used to make me feel guilty, but i no longer buy into that and just laugh at how big of a baby a grown woman can actually be.

there were only a few things that annoyed the crap out of me this weekend.

#1. my mother and the photos. my mother is a child really, wrapped up in a 50-something body. i had a box of photos sitting on my kitchen table. my mother went through the pictures while no one was looking, took two out that she didn’t like, ripped them up, and threw them away. the husband saw her do it and then found them in the garbage. seriously, who does that? my pictures. pictures that i like. pictures that she had no business throwing out.

#2. my mother and the mess. my mother is a terrible, terrible cook. so, naturally, when she’s staying with me, she doesn’t do much of it. there are, however, a few things that she makes for my stepdad that he just can’t live without. there are these things that are essentially matzo meal and eggs mixed together and fried. passover pancakes, if you will. so, she decided that she NEEDED to make them. i stepped back and allowed her free reign in the kitchen. in the morning, when i came into my kitchen, guess what i found?? just guess…

well, i’ll tell you. i found a frying pan sitting on my stove – with about an inch of oil in it. i found a paper towel sitting on my countertop with giant oil spots on it. i found her mixing bowl with the pancake mix caked on it. and i found her plate and my stepdad’s plate sitting at my table.

now, granted, i have issues about messes in my kitchen. i can’t stand them and spent the majority of my weekend cleaning up, washing dishes, throwing out other peoples’ used dishes and cups and cutlery. but, i was MAD about this. mad. so, i didn’t clean it up. i just left it all there.

then, she wanted to make eggs. one catch. only one frying pan. and i wasnt washing it for her. so…what did she do?? she took some bunched up paper towel, wiped out the frying pan and went to town on the eggs. (are you barfing yet?). and didn’t bother to clean up the rest of the mess.

in the end, i couldn’t stand the mess and cleaned up all her dishes.
but, i’m steaming about it. really, really angry.

#3. my mother and the kids. when she’s around, all attempts that the husband and i make at disciplining our children are foiled. my mother makes comments under her breath, like “uch, just let her wear her princess costume to the table.” or “it’s not worth it. just give her a 40th marshmallow.” bedtimes? these don’t exist when bubbie’s around. we tell her not to give them pop. so, she gives them pop. we tell her we don’t want the kids grazing all day. so, she asks them if they are hungry, about 45 times a day. we takes whatever we say, and does the opposite.

example.
“It’s getting warm, Ali. should we take off Isabella’s jacket?”
“You know what…she’s probably fine. and she’s happy right now. let’s not disturb her.”
and i turn my back…and drumroll please….she takes off Isabella’s jacket.
why, i ask you, did she even ask me?