November 5 12

It barely rained in Ireland.

Go on, gasp.

Based on what every single person alive told us about Éire, we were prepared for rain. And then, it didn’t rain. In fact, the trench coat I had on was doing nothing to block the cold and wind and I spent an entire afternoon in Dublin in search of a winter coat. I justified the heavy price tag in the name of my sanity (and in the name of research, obviously, since I am a fashion blogger, you know) and my husband’s, since he was a weeee bit tired of hearing me complain about how cold I was.

But not wet.

Even the locals were shocked. One morning we visited an adorable coffee shop in Kinsale and this mother-and-daughter-team eating cookies and drinking tea told us that they had spent the entire weekend at the beach. “It was so glorious—we just had to. And there was no rain!”

Luck ‘o the Irish, indeed.

Oh come on…it was begging to be said. 

I wanted to do exactly one super touristy thing in Ireland—kiss the Blarney Stone. (I mean, other than drinking Guinness in pubs whilst listening to locals sing Irish music, of course.) And as luck would have it, the day I was planning to climb a hundred thousand circular steps and brave the potential vertigo to climb a giant castle WITH NO ROOF in order to kiss a large stone, it rained. A lot.

It’s funny that I wanted so desperately to kiss a giant stone that would give me the gift of the gab, since, you know, I have been gabbing here  several-times-weekly for almost nine years. Shutting up doesn’t really seem to be a problem that I suffer from, but, well, it’s just one of those things. How could I come home and tell people that I went all the way across the pond and not only did I not partake in any tripe or black and white pudding, I didn’t kiss the Blarney Stone either?!

Blasphemy.

It stopped raining as we got out of the car.

Luck ‘o the Irish, indeed.

(I *did* warn you…)

The Blarney Castle

Too bad kissing the famous stone doesn’t give me the gift of the Botox, because, dude. Note to self: cut bangs asap.

But, hey, want to know what else I didn’t get from kissing The Blarney Stone?

HERPES SIMPLEX.

Mostly because I don’t think that this is how science works.

People warned me to take lysol wipes with me. People warned me that locals pee on the stone regularly. People warned me that a person they know got herpes from kissing it.

Even though I tend to fall on the germ-o-phobe side of things, I skipped the wipes. I did, however, put on a layer of lip gloss (you know, to be both fresh and pretty for make-out date and to create an extra layer between my precious lips and stone).

I didn’t worry about the pee, because I thought that if locals went to all the trouble to figure out how to sneak into Blarney Castle (not an easy feat, I can assure you) and climb the hundred thousand windy and tiny steps to get up there AND figure out how to angle their wieners in such a way that their pee would actually make contact with the stone? Well, then more power to them, and their pee. Also it had just rained. Pee be gone!

And, well, since there was no actual making out or tongue-kissing of any kind with a giant rock, I kind of figured that the chances of getting a sexually transmitted disease in this way were highly unlikely.

I was worried about other things. Like, um, how bendy and Cirque du Soleil-like my body is.

Kissing The Blarney Stone in Ireland

Impressive, isn’t it?

I certainly got the gift of something up there.

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  1. I love how the stairs on the way up are absolutely terrifying when you get to the top and run out of handrail thus needing to grip the walls to keep your balance as you step sideways up the stones, only to be greeted at the top by an older man who asks you to lay down on a piece of my Nana’s carpet runner and then holds you so that you won’t plummet hundreds of feet to your demise on the (admittedly very soft-looking) green, green grass below. But it’s awesome. And so worthwhile. I’m glad that you went for it, Ali!! :)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Alicia on November 5, 2012
  2. YES. THIS! When the handrail runs out. Oh my heavens, terrifying. And yes! Old man! Nana’s carpet runner! plummeting to death! Alls of this.

    It was 100% worth it.

    [Reply]

    Comment by ali on November 5, 2012
  3. That might be my most favoritest* picture ever. EVER.

    You are very bendy. And I’m glad you didn’t get herpes.

    *Incorrect grammar knowingly used for emphasis

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    That was the souvenir photo. I had to buy it…it didn’t matter how much it cost. Heh.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Me on November 5, 2012
  4. What do you mean you didn’t have any black and white pudding?? I had that for breakfast almost every day when I was there. Sheesh, Ali…

    Sigh, I *really* want to go back.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Nuala Reilly on November 5, 2012
  5. OMG what .. you have to kiss the stone lying down backwards?!? Ok, why?

    Is b&w pudding blood pudding? If so, I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting it!

    [Reply]

    ali replied on

    you have to lie down, like, upside-down. It’s crazy.

    It’s the stone all the way at the bottom…http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F....._Stone.jpg

    CRAZY!

    Yes. blood pudding.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sarah on November 5, 2012
  6. OMG. This picture made me burst into tears and laughter. You are just as teeny tiny as my gramma was, and she kissed the Blarney Stone when she went to Ireland at the age of 70. There aren’t any pictures of her kissing it, but thanks to your awesome bendy upside-down picture, I can totally imagine her kissing the stone.

    SO GLAD you did it and didn’t receive any STDs! Who needs the gift of gab when you have the gift of sore-free lips?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Heather on November 5, 2012
  7. I think the stories are from when the castle was unsecured at night, likewise with the plummeting to your death w the ‘gift of the gab all the way down’. my mum told me there were no bars there when she was young.

    [Reply]

    Comment by lisa b on November 5, 2012
  8. You DO have the gift of gab. It’s why we’re friends. Well, one of the 1000 reasons.

    SO envious of your trip!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Angella on November 6, 2012
  9. It really does sound like an amazing trip. I would have bought the coat as well.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Corey Feldman on November 6, 2012
  10. Why do you have to literally bend over backwards to kiss the stone?

    I kissed an Irishman on Saturday and all I got was the stomach flu.

    [Reply]

    alimartell replied on

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

    Also, you need to be bendy because of where on the castle the stone is located…hard to reach. It was slightly frightening, putting my life in the hands of an elderly man like that. But? TOTALLY WORTH IT.

    [Reply]

    Kristabella replied on

    Pretty sure the being bendy would come in handy with the Irishman too.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on November 6, 2012
  11. Was it shiny lip gloss? Because then I’m thinking that maybe some dirt stuck to your lips after. Shiny lip gloss is all stealth like that.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sharon on November 7, 2012
  12. [...] You will make it to Ireland. You will kiss the Blarney Stone. You won’t get an STD. [...]

    Pingback by Tweets To Me | Cheaper Than Therapy on July 10, 2013
  13. […] “Just one sec, there’s an emergency at work. I need to do this real quick before I go and don’t get herpes from kissing the blarney stone.” I don’t really know how to unplug, to walk away, to leave my everything in the hands […]

    Pingback by Small Is Big | Cheaper Than Therapy on October 7, 2013
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