April 11 12

Disclaimer: I really adore my mother. Like, a lot. I miss her when I don’t see her for a long time, I look forward to her phone calls, and I really wish she lived closer to me so we could eat Friday night dinners and bargain shop together. In my adult years, I have grown to appreciate having her in my life, and I often find myself apologizing to her for 1990-1997, inclusive.

Here’s the thing, though. We often butt heads. Like, a lot. We both know a lot of random crap about a lot of random crap, we are both extremely stubborn, we both like to be right,

and we both know exactly what’s best for my children. 

Obviously.

I hear the whines from my children and I know exactly what they mean. Boredom. 

She hears the whines from my children and knows exactly what they mean. Only, um, not so much.

 

I’m hungry.

Here! Have a cookie!

I’m hungry.

Here! Have a chocolate lollipop. Look, it’s shaped like a bear!

I’m hungry. 

You are? Well, let’s have elevensies, why don’t we?

I’m bored.

Here! Have a piece of cake!

I’m thirsty. 

Here! Have some coke!

I love The Hunger Games.

Here! Have some chips. You like chips, don’t you?

I love you Bubbie!

Here! Have some chicken soup with matzah balls.

I’m tired.

Here! Have an entire jar of olives, three carrots, two pieces of cheese and maybe some strawberries!

I should be sleeping right now. Shhh. Don’t tell my mom that I’m not in bed. 

Here! Have some matzah and cream cheese.

 

“Mom. THEY ARE NOT ALWAYS HUNGRY OMG!!!!!!!!!!!”

“But, Ali, don’t you know, when children want to eat round the clock, it actually means that they are growing. Your kids are growing a lot this week!”

Well, at this rate, then, I don’t know how I’m going to get my GIANT children home. They will probably have to stay, anyway, though for their Guinness Book of World Records photos.

 

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  1. This is hilarious – and so true. My issue is that any food my mother prepares is so fussy – she cuts all the crusts off, cuts up pieces of apple etc. – exactly what I try NOT to do. They actually ask me for food “Grammy-style” now. Thanks, Mom.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Beth on April 11, 2012
  2. This is so how it is with my grandma too! I think it is that generational thing. And I contest that this is why I grew up fat – clean your plate, snacking all day!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on April 11, 2012
  3. ha,ha. Same as my mom. I guess all grandma is like that.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Maricris @ SittingAround on April 15, 2012
  4. Wow. I’m not alone!

    When my Mother comes to visit, we brace ourselves for “Grandma Syndrome,” which basically consists of over-sugared, under-rested kids who have lost any resemblance of self-control.

    My arch nemesis is “square cheese.” You know, those Kraft Singles slices, which fall somewhere between a dairy product and plastic. This is a Grandma treat.

    She feeds them like crazy, and most of it is pretty junky. Though this usually only lasts for a weekend, it takes a few days of recovery time to get the kids back to their normal (well, normal is relative) selves.

    I suppose it’s the price to pay for those amazing memories that grandparents create. I totally remember my Grandma doing the same thing (and, of course, I loved it!).

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen on April 17, 2012
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