June 8 10

Deal breakers.

We all have them.

If your woman makes you live in a city without a professional hockey team, that’s a deal breaker. This is the husband’s.

If your man makes you go on a cruise, that’s a deal breaker. This is mine.

Obviously, this wasn’t my one and only deal breaker. There are other ones involving toenail clipping in bed or wearing sweatpants in public or having weird hobbies like serial killing or taxidermy or something. But the no cruises thing? HUGE. And I’m not talking about the Tom kind, although that one is kind of a deal breaker too, unless he looks like Les Grossman. No, I’m talking about those giant germ-infested, vomit-inducing floating prison vessels.

Now, I’m all for cheesy entertainment and eating with random elderly travelers from Lansing, Michigan. I am certainly not above these things. And round-the-clock food? I am definitely a huge fan of this concept. Visiting several places on one trip is certainly enticing, especially since I have kind of been nowhere.

Alas, my anti-cruise reasons are two-fold:

The motion of the ocean. Now, all you cruise people are all…oh, it’s so not a big deal. You just take some medication or wear one of those patches and you are totally fine. And usually it’s only rough seas for, like, 2 days of the trip and really, if you just avoid the alcohol and things like reading, you should be okay. Uh huh. Two days of rough seas? Why on earth would I choose that? Why would I want to have to take MEDICINE that will make me sleepy? I can sleep at home, thankyouverymuch.  Um, and no drinking or reading? Those are very high on my list of things to do on vacation. Sounds awesome.

The (OMG!!!) Norwalk virus. I swear, I read a report of a norovirus breakout on a cruise ship almost daily. Yes, yes, yes I realize that there are places besides cruise ships to pick up these highly contagious stomach viruses and the percentage is actually pretty low and it only seems high because the CDC requires cruise lines to report all of their outbreaks. You can spit out all these facts all you want. I know them. I have researched them. But, you all, OUTBREAKS. Do I really want to chance it?

I’d rather keep my sea legs and sea ass parked on land at an all-inclusive resort. Sure, you only get to see one place…but you still get all the cheesy entertainment and you get to meet the random randoms and you even get the round-the-clock food. And I don’t have to wear patches or take sleep-inducing medications and I can drink and read all I want.

Sounds pretty awful, doesn’t it?

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  1. I am with ya there Ali! Everytime it gets brought up I imagine myself waiting at the gate, trying to get OFF the ship. I can’t even stand the little 3 hour harbour cruises. Those rooms are super clastrophobic looking!

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    Comment by NaomiJesson on June 8, 2010
  2. Umm, I think I would ride a donkey for a week if it would take me to the place you are lounging in the picture.

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    Comment by amanda on June 8, 2010
  3. I am totally with you on the no-cruise thing. The 2 other things that totally freak me out re: cruise are: 1) no likey open water, at all, and 2) do you know how many ‘mysterious disappearances’ there are on cruise ships every year? Because the boats are in international waters it’s kind of a lawless zone and people go missing all the time, and no one’s accountable. No. Just no.

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    Comment by Jen on June 8, 2010
  4. OK I convinced my husband and 3 kids we would take out first family cruise. 27 foot seas, and Roto Virus. I thought they were going to have to helo vac me off the damn ship. It was flipping horrible. Seriously. Everyone was puking. comps? NONE.

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    Comment by ThePeachy1 on June 8, 2010
  5. I am not good on boats. And if I’m on vacation and can’t drink, I might as well be at work.

    Also, I don’t like the whole idea of being TRAPPED. I mean, I’m lazy so I’m sure I would be fine with it, but if you got an itch to GO somewhere, besides someplace on the ship, YOU CAN’T!

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    Comment by Kristabella on June 8, 2010
  6. I’ve heard that cruises are chilly. If I’m going on a holiday, it’s gotta be hot. I live in Canada for goodness sakes!

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    Comment by Heather on June 8, 2010
  7. ok, Jen mentioned the mysterious disappearances aboard cruises. There’s reason 3. Number 4 is PIRATES. Yes, people. Pirates. Never get me on one of those ships. Somehow, I would NOT come back alive (or maybe not come back at all?)

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    Comment by AnneMarie on June 8, 2010
  8. TWINS. I mean, I like going out on a boat, but to be stuck on a ship in the middle of the ocean? No thank you.

    Give me an all-inclusive resort any day, baby.

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    Comment by Angella on June 8, 2010
  9. I so agree! I have less than no desire to ever go on one. One thing that drives me crazy is how all the cruise loving people always make you feel like you are crazy when you tell them that you don’t want to set sail.
    .-= Hilary´s last blog ..Perfect timing….NOT! =-.

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    Comment by Hilary on June 8, 2010
  10. I have never had a desire to go a-cruising, but I will say that if I won a cruise and/or someone offered me actual cash money to go on one, I would be obliged to check it out. For research purposes, of course.

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    Comment by Kerri Anne on June 8, 2010
  11. So… While I was employed at the bookstore a man came in that (don’t ask how we got the subject…) told me his elderly wife had recently died because of an STD she picked up from a cruise HOT TUB! ewwwwww…

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    Comment by Bekah on June 8, 2010
  12. A Norwalk virus outbreak would have made for a great episode of The Love Boat. Can you just imagine Doc and Gopher and Julie and Captain Stubing hoppin’ around the ship?

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    Comment by alison on June 8, 2010
  13. I’m anti-cruise and EVERYONE at my job goes on a cruise like once a week. And they call me a snob for being anti cruise. AND PROUD OF IT.

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    Comment by slynnro on June 8, 2010
  14. We went on a cruise last summer and while I enjoyed it, I can totally see why people wouldn’t like them. We’re also going on a cruise for our honeymoon but it’s a FANCY one so it had better be awesome. But, we are SO NOT cruise people. I do not like cruise people.

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    Comment by Rhi on June 8, 2010
  15. You make a convincing argument! I second Jen’s comment in that I saw this Dateline or some similar show special where they talked about how high the incidence of assaults and missing person’s cases! It’s quite scary.

    Btw thanks for visiting my blog :)

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    Comment by MizzJ on June 9, 2010
  16. My deal breaker is my husband wearing collared shirts to bed… which he does… regularly. And takes his pants off the moment he walks in the door as though he can’t possibly be bothered with PANTS.

    I’m torn on the cruise thing… though I always hear horror stories of some begrudged husband whose wife accidentally falls overboard. Knowing me, it would be exactly that week that Dan got tired of hearing me bitch about his collared shirts in bed problem. Or he’d be mad that he had to wear pants all week!

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    Comment by Brooke on June 9, 2010
  17. First, is that a weird tan line you have there in the cleavage area?

    Second, I agree. I went on a cruise for my honeymoon and the water was so rough that I took Bomine and spent most of it knocked out. It was cramped and hot and not at all enjoyable.

    That being said, I’d probably give cruises one more chance if I tried one of the nicer cruise ships and got a bigger cabin. But only one more chance.

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    Comment by Avitable on June 10, 2010
  18. weird tan line?

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    Comment by ali on June 10, 2010
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