on sunday afternoon, while knee-deep in two of my favorite activities…watching football and purging my house
(yes, the husband and i are in the middle of this clean-out-the-shit project at casa de martell. i am a packrat who wants to be a minimalist. i just have so much STUFF. this sunday’s project was to get rid of all the platters and bowls and crap that we got TEN YEARS AGO as wedding gifts that we have never once used and are ugly as butt. side note: apparently, in may of 1998, apple-themed decor was all the fucking rage because i have thrown out more apple shaped shit than i knew was possible)
and i tripped. on my freaking carpet. and was pretty sure i broke my toe. (again)
and then i laughed.
because my best friend Tova broke her foot last week. and i just pictured the two of us with our broken appendages, sitting on side-by-side couches, watching tv (hello, my god, who is watching True Blood? Can we talk about Sunday’s episode for a minute?!??!) and eating take-out. and while i’m not trying to downplay Tova’s situation
(no way. the poor girl! she’s has to resort to crawling around her house because the crutches are just a pain in the ass. the break was so bad that she’s not allowed to have a weight-bearing cast. also? she has a 3-year-old boy that she can’t chase after. PLEASE send love her way!)
i kind of thought, “sweet! being FORCED to sit on my ass and do nothing for 6 weeks?!?!” because sometimes i’m kind of an asshole. but then i remembered 10 years ago when i actually did break my toe. and while i remember there being a tremendous amount of pain, mostly on my ribs from the fucking crutch handles digging in, i don’t remember there being any sort of sitting around and relaxing and watching tv and eating myself silly.
so, i got up off the floor and went back to throwing away more apple-related paraphernalia. seriously, did you know they make apple vases?? did you know that i received two of said vases as wedding gifts?
have you ever broken any limbs?
well, you know about the toe, which i broke, jumping off my couch. i know, awesome, right? it could have been some great story about how i was fighting off ninjas or something, but no, i’m just a clumsy dork.
when i was 4, and my family went to Disney Land, we were staying with my cousins in LA. it’s funny because i always call them “cousins” but really we aren’t even related at all. we aren’t even close anymore. (but i did hear that my “cousin” also has a daughter called Isabella Rose. weird)
i convinced these obviously not-all-that-smart relatives that i could fly.
because, hello, awesome!
so, up onto the bookshelf i climbed. and flew off. only what the fuck ever, 4 year old girls can’t fly, and i ended up in my “uncle”‘s – he was an orthopedic surgeon (who’s the smart one now? hmm?) – office getting my broken elbow casted. so, of course, every single one of our Disney Land pictures from that year shows awesomeflyingAli with her cast of honor.
(here is the point in the program where i would totally have posted a picture of me from way back then…but alas…i can’t post pictures from work. wordpress is the fucking bane of my existence. i CAN post them at home. on my pc. but not on my laptop. and i can’t post them from work. WHAT? also, Holly emailed me because she was having problems with her 2.6.3 also. and get this…her dashboard? completely different than mine. WHAT?)