October 31 08

him: what’s wrong with you tonight?

me: i hate thursdays. they are such a total pain in the ass. and it doesn’t help that i’m trying to watch McSteamy…mmm…McSteamy while you are watching South Park on your laptop right next to me and are laughing like a hyena every 30 seconds. yes, i get that George Lucas raping Indiana Jones while Steven Spielberg watches is hilarious, but can’t you do that when my show is over? and why the fuck are you wearing sunglasses in bed?

him: because you didn’t turn off the light.

me: you know you could get up and turn off the light yourself, right?

him: back to why you are so hostile.

me: well, let’s start with carpool. where i have to physically fight the alphamoms in the parking lot. i have scratch marks, dammit! scratch marks! why are moms insane?

and then let’s talk about Vibe. talk about tiring. and then my trip to the dollar store, which, ps, i totally do not recommend stepping foot in on Halloween eve. there were 5 billion people in there, looking for last minute Halloween stuff.

him: slackers

me: i know. i mean, i had the good sense to go on WEDNESDAY. only losers wait until Thursday.

and then we can talk about the breakdown Isabella had after dance because she wanted chips and i didn’t have any chips. and then let’s talk about the fact that she unbuckled her carseat TWICE in the car on the way home from Vibe. so then i had to take away her dessert for being such a pain in the ass. and then you know what she did?

him: what?

me: she gave me my very own pain in the ass. she fucking BIT me. on my ass. through my yoga pants. i have teeth marks. and i think there was blood. our daughter is a vampire.

him: you know what’s funny about that? you totally did that to your sister.

me: not funny.

him: yes funny. i bet your sister would think it was funny.

me: um, and then we can talkabout your homemade beef jerky, shall we? it’s totally going to make you sick. i mean, there’s a reason that we COOK our meat nowadays. we have the resources to do so. we have a fucking OVEN. why do you need to hang meat in my basement?

him: you should try it. it’s great.

me: there’s no way i would ever try it. i don’t want e.coli

him: it’s funny you are worried about my jerky. you should probably be more worried about the Indian food you had at lunch.

me: great. now i need xanax. thanks for that.

him: it’s funny that they call that place The Host….since really YOU are the host and they are the parasite.

me: great. now i need 2 xanaxes.

him: funny. i kind of thought last Thursday [the day he took the girls to dance when i was out of town] was totally RELAXING.

me: you know there’s no way you are having sex tonight, right?

  1. Now here I was thinking all that talk was his version of foreplay. Also? Is your husband Corey Hart? Didn’t he wear his sunglasses at night?

    jenboglass (steenkybs last blog post..The Spin Cycle: Children of the Corn(field)


    Comment by jenboglass (steenkyb on October 31, 2008
  2. And I was so FIRST Suckas!!

    jenboglass (steenkybs last blog post..The Spin Cycle: Children of the Corn(field)


    Comment by jenboglass (steenkyb on October 31, 2008
  3. mmm… Host… I haven’t been there in ages.


    Comment by SciFi Dad on October 31, 2008
  4. What a great conversation. Usually me and my husband are in different rooms at night- I watch TV in the bedroom, he in the living room. That way we dont have to fight over the remote. What great family values we have!

    Mayas last blog post..Happy Halloween!


    Comment by Maya on October 31, 2008
  5. I had the same problem, trying to watch Grey’
    s while Andy is on the couch next to me watching a potential band member, a guitarist on the laptop and asking me to listen to the way he plays and oh “do you think he would good in our band.” me: “can you please plug in your headphones, I really want to listen to my show”. and him: “she is just gross” (refering to the I see the leaves scene).


    Comment by Sarah on October 31, 2008
  6. Hold up!! Steenky bee was here, AND she was first?! I thought she told me she was going dark this weekend. Hmmm… :)

    I’m more than a month behind on Grey’s. Seriously. I watched the premiere and that’s been it. Why? Because my husband likes to chit chat. I like chit chat, too. But there’s a time and a place. I won’t be telling him your husband is making jerky, though, because he will sniff that out and never leave your house.

    However, if he did…I could catch up on Grey’s…


    differentkindofgirls last blog post..ouija think was gonna happen?


    Comment by differentkindofgirl on October 31, 2008
  7. bella bit through your pants! ouch!


    Comment by LAVENDULA on October 31, 2008
  8. Graham CANNOT be informed that it’s possible to make jerky in one’s basement. No no no no no…


    Comment by Assertagirl on October 31, 2008
  9. Men! After the whole World of Warcraft thing, I told my huz that I sorta felt like he was losing interest in me.

    He just said, “you do?”

    That’s it! No denial or reassurances. Hmpf!

    Heather, Queen of Shake Shakes last blog post..Random Acts of Marital Unkindness


    Comment by Heather, Queen of Shake Shake on October 31, 2008
  10. I’m so lucky to have a pansy for a husband… he watches Grey’s with me and always makes popcorn! Eat your hearts out ladies!

    Loving Dangers last blog post..Photo Meme


    Comment by Loving Danger on October 31, 2008
  11. What’s Vibe?


    Comment by Maria on October 31, 2008
  12. haha – and you missed the line about McBrother :)


    Comment by Giblet on October 31, 2008
  13. I absolutely love that you and your husband are as weird as me and mine. Makes my heart just fill with joy. :)


    Comment by Issa on October 31, 2008
  14. I am so glad other people have conversations like us! I so use the “your not getting any tonight” line too…

    Shellys last blog post..HAPPY HALLOWEEN


    Comment by Shelly on October 31, 2008
  15. He’s making jerky for realz? There’s meat hanging in your basement??

    No Mother Earths last blog post..The Pumpkins, The Plan, and the Product


    Comment by No Mother Earth on October 31, 2008
  16. I’m sorry… you lost me after McSteamy.

    Hollys last blog post..Happy Birthday Chloe


    Comment by Holly on October 31, 2008
  17. Has he been to The Host?! Meat in your basement or fine Indian dining…you gotta wonder.

    Jen Maiers last blog post..Cancer Treatment – Week 2


    Comment by Jen Maier on October 31, 2008
  18. That conversation doesn’t sound so weird….urk, did I just say that? I guess that means I know what you mean.

    Haven’t been bit on the ass yet, I’ll keep an eye on the Wee Lass just in case.

    Jerky question: Is it ‘biltong’ type jerky or ‘pemmican’ type jerky, or more like a Euro-style ‘bresaola’? Mmmmm…

    IrishGumbos last blog post..Don’t Let The Darkness Eat You Up


    Comment by IrishGumbo on October 31, 2008
  19. Sometimes losing out on the sex is worth it.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Friday Pics: Pumpkin Patch


    Comment by Captain Dumbass on October 31, 2008
  20. That was PRE SEX talk? Not the smartest on his part!!! ;)

    And, raw beef hanging in the basement? Um…?

    Haley-Os last blog post..Cheaty Weekend in Pictures


    Comment by Haley-O on October 31, 2008
  21. You should’ve totally bit him on the ass and then went to sleep.


    Comment by Hockeyman on October 31, 2008
  22. Ha!

    You guys are awesome.

    Angellas last blog post..The Back Roads To Kelowna


    Comment by Angella on October 31, 2008
  23. Can’t you buy the man a food dehydrator or something a little more hygienic? I love jerky myself but I so wouldn’t be thrilled with beef hanging in my basement.

    SleepyNItas last blog post..Feeling Ahead of the Game.


    Comment by SleepyNIta on October 31, 2008
  24. Oh married life. You two need your own series–sort of like a smarter, more edu-ma-cated (not to mention, hotter) Married with Children.

    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..Got Milk?


    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on October 31, 2008
  25. Jerky in the basement? Reminds me of… hmm… THe Simpsons… and yes, I would have a serious fit myself if my husband tried that. Mosatly because I do nto EAT beef.


    Comment by Mari on November 1, 2008
  26. Dang… I missed Greys this week.

    Dis last blog post..Mmmmm, Ewwwww, Yucky


    Comment by Di on November 1, 2008
  27. You did totally bite me on the ass through my jeans. However, I did sit on your head right before it happened :)


    Comment by Charna on November 1, 2008
  28. interesting bedtime discussion. what i find funny is the number of words you say vs what hummy says


    Comment by raino on November 1, 2008
  29. Ow, bites hurt. My 2 yr old bit me for play after I bit her for play – bad idea. No more.

    monstergirlees last blog post..Happy Halloween!


    Comment by monstergirlee on November 1, 2008
  30. glad to know i’m not the only one with light issues with my husband.
    at least mine doesn’t wear sunglasses in bed. mine is weird in other ways.


    Comment by Nenette on November 1, 2008
  31. And I thought I was the only with a husband DUMB ENOUGH and RUDE ENOUGH to watch crap on the laptop while sitting right next to me while I am trying to watch something on the television. THE LAPTOP MOVES. THE TV DOESN’T. Gah. I hate that.

    Karlys last blog post..If I Wasn’t Going To Hell Before, I Am Now.


    Comment by Karly on November 1, 2008
  32. “keep up the attitude mr. and the jerky is history.”


    Comment by gorillabuns on November 1, 2008
  33. Hahahaha I especially love that last line!


    Comment by Ashley on November 1, 2008
  34. Yes, this confirms it. Your husband and I would totally get along.

    We’re kindred spirits!

    (Except I might actually be having sex tonight. So I have him on that.)

    Matthews last blog post..Kitty 2.0


    Comment by Matthew on November 1, 2008
  35. I have had SUCH SIMILAR conversations, it’s scary. Only instead of jerky, I’m complaining about the Romanian salamis hanging in my kitchen. He’s going back to Chicago next week, so I’m sure that discussion is once again looming in the near future:)

    metalias last blog post..One more reason to love Target


    Comment by metalia on November 2, 2008
  36. Umm you need to get PVR and watch when noone is around to annoy you!


    Comment by Naomi Jesson on November 3, 2008
  37. Hilarious conversation. So close to my own with my hubby I gasped. Seriously, must they watch stuff in the same room at the same time as McDreamy? What’s up with that? They totally do it on purpose.

    Kalles last blog post..Christmas…..and Men!


    Comment by Kalle on November 4, 2008
  38. So, not that he’s right about anything else, but it IS kinda funny that she bit your ass. I mean, really, your ass? Hee. But otherwise, he’s totally wrong. ;)

    Courtneys last blog post..A Rambling Post With Nothing To Tie It All Together


    Comment by Courtney on November 4, 2008
  39. You should send some of that jerky to Josh and Anna Duggar.

    Kristabellas last blog post..Minnesota: Where They Like To Spell


    Comment by Kristabella on November 7, 2008

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