October 10 08

well, the big Y-K is over and all i have to show for it is a post-fast coffee hangover.

(ps. don’t you think that FAST is possibly the most ludicrous name for NOT-EATING. there’s nothing god-damned FAST about it. they really need to call it a SLOOOOOOOW)

i do this to myself every year. the minute the fast is over i down a giant-ass full-caffeinated coffee to appease the headache gods…and then spend the entire night appeasing the insomnia gods. fun. it did, however, enable me to watch 2 episodes of The Tudors, The Office, Survivor, Grey’s Anatomy, 3 episodes of Six Feet Under and two episodes of House. yes, i am almost fully caught up on my tv watching. yay, god. heh.

most of Yom Kippur is spent in shul (temple. synagogue. it’s all the same. lots of prayers. lots of bad breath. lots of people all decked out in WHITE. now this i cannot understand. for the life of me. the women who wear white dresses and white tights and white shoes and white hats. purity? next year, y’all, i’m totally showing up in my wedding gown. i wonder if it still fits….) working your way through this entire book

which, i can assure you, is a way easier way to get through a fast than to be chasing after three children all day. i promise. especially when you are sitting next to the best Yom Kippur partner-in-crime, Ilana. seriously, i highly recommend sitting beside her.

(and not just because she, like me, ALSO brushes her teeth on Yom Kippur. and she’s a dentist.)

(and not just because she, like me, likes to check out the non-leather footwear of choice AND to check out what people look like without make-up. that’s right. NO MAKEUP)

(and not just because she and i are on the lookout for the people who *might* be a wee bit too scantily clad for the holiest day of the year. please note: it wasn’t me. i was all decked out in a turtleneck and a skirt that covers my knees! huzzah! and tights! and FLATS! it’s the one day a year i choose comfort over hotness. no cleavage to be seen! no thigh showing! my gosh, i even wore underwear yesterday. Yom Kippur is BORING)

i spend a lot of my time in shul reading the English side and the commentary. the part that breaks down exactly what i’m saying. The good thing about the whole confessing-of-the-sins thing is that you pretty much ask forgiveness for doing anything and everything. from watching porn to brushing your teeth on yom kippur to not being 100% into it while asking for forgiveness to committing murder. so, basically, god’s got your back. you confess to it – whether you did it or not. he forgives it.

nice.

i hope he forgives me for thinking…”oh! hark! i could use me some wine-libations right about now!” while reading this

and i hope i’m forgiven for laughing every time i read this

my sister and i used to have to be separated when we were kids. because we seriously used to think that “acted wontonly” had something to do with eating Chinese food. and hell if i was going to HELL for partaking in the lovely delicacy that is the fried wonton. of any other delicious Chinese food-y treat.

Ilana and I had to almost be separated yesterday. i swear.

(got any Yom Kippur questions? i know you’ve got ‘em. now’s your chance!)

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  1. Well at least there was a perk to the coffee buzz! I was a little disappointed with Grey’s and ER last night – the trailers on tv made them sound like they would be way more intense than they were.

    And I totally dare you to wear your wedding gown to Yom Kippur services next year! It would definitely take care of the BORING! And if it doesn’t quite fit anymore, it will only make things MORE interesting!

    Shannons last blog post..What first means, what second means.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Shannon on October 10, 2008
  2. Yom Kippur sounds a lot like sorority initiation day. No kidding.

    [Reply]

    Comment by slynnro on October 10, 2008
  3. isn’t the new season of THE TUDORS going to be awesome!!!? I have a question is there special traditional food you eat after the fast is over?

    [Reply]

    Comment by LAVENDULA on October 10, 2008
  4. Could you give me a basic run down of what you are and are not allowed to do, as well as the meaning behind the holiday? I know next to nothing about the Jewish faith.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Crist on October 10, 2008
  5. act wontonly is hilarious!! You and your sister were cute.

    You should totally wear your wedding gown next time. Totally.

    Rheas last blog post..Driving Under the Influence

    [Reply]

    Comment by Rhea on October 10, 2008
  6. I think your dear readers need to know why you chose comfort over fashion and that is because THERE IS SO MUCH STANDING. And then sitting for a second and THEN PLEASE STATND AGAIN.

    [Reply]

    Comment by anne on October 10, 2008
  7. You are by far my favorite Jew ever. Because you were totally bummed that you had to wear underwear for the day. My question is – do the kids have to be in that service with you or is there like a special area and service for them?

    Misss last blog post..Please! Don’t act like you didn’t know…

    [Reply]

    Comment by Miss on October 10, 2008
  8. Are you really supposed to wear white? I have a synagogue near my house and I didn’t see a whole lotta white yesterday.

    Oh, and I had a Yom Kippur post yesterday you might find entertaining.

    And Life on Mars is pretty good. Harvey Keitel is the lieutenant. That alone is worth it.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post.."Sometimes It Has To Breathe"

    [Reply]

    Comment by Captain Dumbass on October 10, 2008
  9. so many things I didn’t know….why the white? Why the no make-up? NO. MAKE UP?! What?! And why oh why would people NOT brush their teeth.
    this is my first glimpse into Yom Kippur – thanks.
    Happy Underwear wearing to you!

    shays last blog post..Remembering ….

    [Reply]

    Comment by shay on October 10, 2008
  10. I used to think that Yom Kippur had to do with eating tiny fish.

    Backpacking Dads last blog post..A Portrait of the Blogger as a Young Twitter…er..?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Backpacking Dad on October 10, 2008
  11. The Jews in LA wouldn’t be caught dead wearing all white after Labor Day.

    heather…s last blog post..Days Gone By

    [Reply]

    Comment by heather... on October 10, 2008
  12. I was underdressed in a different way on Rosh Hashana in Montreal — I’d forgotten my dress pants, so I had to wear my LULUs! I don’t think it REALLY mattered, though, since I spent the whole time in the kiddie playroom.

    Josh and I didn’t even GO to synagogue yesterday because we couldn’t bear to take the kids again… Next year, we’ll leave them with someone….

    Haley-Os last blog post..The PYKFH, the Beautiful Friends, and the Etc.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Haley-O on October 10, 2008
  13. Wow, that is intense, dude. And to think all I have to do on Christmas is put on my biggest elastic-waisted pants and indulge.

    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..A Delicate Balance

    [Reply]

    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on October 10, 2008
  14. Mormons fast once a month. (I realllly hated it.)

    And? I totally dug the series “All of a kind family” and used to beg my mom to let me be Jewish so that I could celebrate Purim. (It never worked, dammit.)

    Loralees last blog post..CLICK!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Loralee on October 10, 2008
  15. wow Ali .. was the underwear for comfort or because you’d be sinning not wearing it? Poor you :)
    I’m also curious .. how long do you have to stay in synogogue for? And you really cannot even take a sip of water for 24 hrs .. how do you do it?!?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sarah on October 10, 2008
  16. I’m so ignorant about the Jewish faith I wouldn’t know where to begin. Everything I learned about Judaism, I learned from Hollywood. And that Adam Sandler song. I am the idiot who would ask, “Do you speak Jewish?”, that’s how stupid I am about it all. I do know that my L.A. neighborhood is all kinds of Jewish.

    Margaret (Nanny Goats)s last blog post..How To Win a Pissing Contest

    [Reply]

    Comment by Margaret (Nanny Goats) on October 11, 2008
  17. I am now totally craving Chinese food. It will be a nice change from two days of fast food. Barf.

    Angellas last blog post..Two

    [Reply]

    Comment by Angella on October 11, 2008
  18. I love your blog template and I was just wondering where you got it?! I clicked on “DasBecca” at the bottom of your page, but didn’t see it at her site.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Elleah on October 11, 2008
  19. Mmm, wantons. Oh, I’m sorry, was this post about something else?

    Missed you girl!

    [Reply]

    Comment by andi on October 11, 2008
  20. Huh. My husband is like, a quarter Jewish, and his family celebrates Hanukkah and Passover, but that’s it. No fasting, no Yom Kippur. I didn’t even know what it entailed. Interesting!

    Courtneys last blog post..A Little Bitch & Moan

    [Reply]

    Comment by Courtney on October 11, 2008
  21. When your kids marry non-Jews you’re going to write a snarky blog post about it, right?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Question on October 11, 2008
  22. Want to know something ironic? I was eating Chinese food yesterday when I first read this. I KNOW!!

    I had no idea you couldn’t brush your teeth. My kids, who CAN brush their teeth but seem to most often choose not to (sigh…), would apparently make excellent Jews.

    differentkindofgirls last blog post..she never mentions the word addiction in certain company

    [Reply]

    Comment by differentkindofgirl on October 11, 2008
  23. Question: not sure about that…but maybe i should write a snarky post about people who hide behind names like “Question” and use fake emails…but what they don’t know is that i CAN SEE YOU and know who you are :)

    (thanks, Statcounter…)

    [Reply]

    Comment by ali on October 12, 2008
  24. I had the same idea about wanton/wonton as a teenager, it always made me giggle. That is until I overcame my laziness to crack a dictionary to get the real meaning. I was a little disappointed to find out that ‘wontons’ wasn’t really a slang term for ‘female naughty bits’. Man, me and my buds were such dorks!

    Too bad Question didn’t get it. Seems to me that the content was rooted in at least SOME affection for the ritual. Otherwise, Ali, you wouldn’t have been able to speak intelligently about from the texts tou quoted. Sheesh, and I thought Lutherans were somewhat humor impaired.

    (Yes, I am a Lutheran. Sort of. Maybe more of a Zen Lutheran Agnostic.)

    Great post, good for a laugh!

    IrishGumbos last blog post..The Pork? Meh.

    [Reply]

    Comment by IrishGumbo on October 12, 2008
  25. “..about from the texts tou quoted..”?

    Yow. And I would be able to speak intelligently if could remember to check my spelling and syntax!

    It should have read “about the texts you quoted”. My bad.

    IrishGumbos last blog post..The Pork? Meh.

    [Reply]

    Comment by IrishGumbo on October 12, 2008
  26. If I go to hell for eating wonton soup instead of my blatant disregard for certain morals, I am going to be pissed!.

    Shamelessly Sassys last blog post..The Myths

    [Reply]

    Comment by Shamelessly Sassy on October 12, 2008
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