Cheaper Than Therapy » Blog Archive » lose the weight in oh-eight would be easy if the oreo cakesters weren’t so oh-my-god good…

a laptop, some gingerbread mitts and some keepable resolutions…at least i think »

*[ 30 December, 2007 ]

lose the weight in oh-eight would be easy if the oreo cakesters weren’t so oh-my-god good… [ the Deep Thoughts ]

I’m back from my trip. and i’m 6 pounds up.

crap. crappity crap crap.

i’d like to be able to say it’s my thyroid. i mean, my sister has a thyroid problem….and she noticed it when she was close to 30. not that i’m saying having a thyroid problem would be a good thing, certainly not. but at least it would be an explanation that was a little less humiliating than going to your doctor for a physical and explaining that all the weight gainÂ was due toÂ ‘heifer-like eating’ which is what i would have to do, if i, um, ever went to the doctor for physicals…because i certainly NEVER do that…i call up dr. jack and explain my ailments over the phone…and he takes care of me. i figure it’s a good relationship, because i can return the favorÂ with i-touch tricks…because i am SO loving my new itouch, i seriously want to marry it. she’s so purty.

so…back to my 6 pounds. my skinny jeans don’t fit. my regular jeans don’t fit. i’m living in lulus and pretending my cottage cheese ass still looks hot. i’m also living in my hoodies. now i know why they are so popular these days. they hide flab like no one’s business. i also hide, in my hoodies, behind the babies. and then i look skinny!!!

yikes.

well…here comes New Years Resolution #1.

LOSE WEIGHT IN OH-EIGHT (because, hello!, can we say St. Lucia in exactly TWO months…)

now, everyone in my family swears by south beach and no/low carb. my sister. my brother. my husband. my father. they go on it…and lose 14 pounds in 2 weeks…but, y’all remember what happened to me last year when i went on it…i lost a grand total of – wait for it – 0 pounds. nothing. nada. zilch. zero. the big O.

so…i’m sick of having all these new things and not being able to squash my large-ess into them, so i will be doing my own kind of thing…i’m sure it will have some aspects of the South Beach Diet – low fat, low sugar, low carb…but i love me some carbs. mmm…carbs. and i’m sure i could NEVER give them up. and apparently, even these are bad for you now

but, ya’ll, you’d be VERY impressed with me. i did manage to make it through the entire day today carb-free (and we ate lunch out with our crew and ate dinner at my sister in law’s…where there was many a carb and a BIRTHDAY CAKE.) so i’m feeling pretty good about myself.

but i so wish i hadn’t discovered these:

because, seriously,Â they are HEAVEN in a box. and hell on the thighs.

Comments [53]

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AndreAnna said:

Ya know what sucks about being pregnant around the holidays? There is a doctor every four weeks checking how fat you are getting. Not. Good.

I go next week and I’m sure he’s going to have stern words for me. And you know what I’ll say?

Nothing. Cause there will be a chocolate chip cookie stuffed in my mouth.

[ 30 Dec 07 ]

Rebecca said:

Cakesters? Are those even available in Canada? God, I hope not.
I know that I don’t eat like a heifer because they mostly just eat grass and hay and I’ve been known to eat a heck of a lot more than that.
And yeah, my weight is now officially BAD. So come January first, it’s a Farewell to Food for me.