August 6 04

Last night I got the chance to check out MTV’s Ashlee Simpson show. I swore that i wouldn’t watch it, but reality tv is like a car crash to me – - i don’t want to look, but somehow i can’t look away.

I feel so bad for the poor girl. In this episode that i watched, Ashlee did a commercial for pizza hut. Jessica comes out wearing a really pretty silky-type sleeveless shirt and they have Ashlee in jeans and a cowboyish type get-up. And her hair, oh good lord, her hair. It’s bad enough that she dyed it brown (yes…i get that she’s trying to be “rocker chick”…but it’s awful), but the style was just horrific. Jessica looked gorgeous, and Ashlee looked, well, she looked like Jessica’s little brother.

We now move on to the next hardship in Ashlee’s life. She has both acid reflux (which is burning her vocal cords..ew) and a deviated septum (for which she needs to sleep with this contraption on her nose) so she has to go to the doctor to find out if she will be able to perform in her first performance ever.

Turns out that she can, but she shows up late for her soundcheck and sucks ass. At this point, i think Mr. and Mrs. Simpson are hoping Ashlee doesn’t quit her 7th Heaven day job. But, she pulls it out in the end and rocks her as off. literally. she didn’t stop shaking her booty the entire time. Gav thinks she’d make a really good stripper. Not with that face, though. Jessica, who had just gotten lasik eye surgery that day, showed up to the concert wearing black goggles that covered her eyes. ha! i got a good 30-second giggle out of that one.

at the end of the day, i can’t say that i really feel bad for Ashlee Simpson – - she is on 7th Heaven, has a hit album (i’m still not quite sure how that happened), and has her own show on MTV. hard life. But, it must be hard living in her funnier, more talented, and prettier sister’s shadow. Ashlee, here’s my one bit of advice. Take your deviated septum straight to your neighborhood rhinoplasty clinic and let’s work on that hair – back to blond, please, for the sake of those around you.

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