Every morning, my Facebook feed works overtime to refresh all of the newest back-to-school pictures. While I have been loving looking at all the adorable uniforms and the carefully selected first-day-of-school outfits and the giant smiling faces and the new backpacks, lunch boxes, shoes, and haircuts, the big green monster in me is fighting to get out.

Because you guys, my kids don’t start school for almost two weeks.

Almost two weeks. 

I know, I know. You will all surely remind me of this moment come the end of June and my kids are still in school and YOUR kids are already well into their summer vacations and already driving you batty and I’m all, “Neener, neener, my kids are their teachers’ responsibilities! Don’t mind me as I eat my lunch in peace while chatting on skype and watching The Young and The Restless. There’s no whining at our house today!”

I know. And I promise you, I will feel for you in June.

Really, I will. 

I’m just ready for school to start.

And the kids are ready too.

The air has cooled a bit and new—monogrammed (OMG)—backpacks have been purchased. Camps have ended and we are already planning outfits for the first day of school. The kids are anxious to meet their teachers and to make new friends. Emily is dying to know if six graders get lockers.

My kids thrive on schedules and routines, and you know what summer has absolutely none of?

Yup. You guessed it. Schedules and routines. The kids are up way too late and whiny way too early. There has been too much change, too little consistency. We have had post-sleepover camp jet lag and post-Israel baby talk.

But mostly, you guys. I want my kids back on screens again. The little summer experiment was truly wonderful—it really was. We played lots of games and baked cookies and gave each other the chills and read books and rode bikes and used the trampoline and went for walks and spent a lot of quality unscreened time together.

And I don’t regret it. Not at all. It was so important for the kids; it was so important for me; it was so important for the family.

But you know what? I’m so tired. Physically and mentally. I am tired of breaking up fights and answering a million questions and…you know what? I am just way too old to jump on trampolines. Also, I have heard rumors that once you have birthed three children that, um, you can, actually, pee on yourself—and hoo boy would I never live that one down.

I just want to plop the kids in front of a screen and be able to sit for 4 minutes without someone needing to put on a play for me or without someone screaming for a snack or without someone needing her hair straightened or without someone wanting to show me the most amazing skinny jeans in the crewcuts catalog or without someone absolutely needing to know atthatverymoment exactly how the British monarchy works. LOOKATME Mama! Mama look! Can you look? I need you to look? Can you watch this? Mama I need help! Mama! Mama are you listening? Are you looking? 

Or, you know, plop them down at the front door of their school.

So they can have someone else LOOKATTHEM for a change.

And I can hide the LIFE board.