i'm an excellent driver - Cheaper Than Therapy Cheaper Than Therapy

February 5 09

i hate winter.

(i know what you’re thinking…yes, yes, we’ve heard this before, ali. enough with the repetition, ali. you’re done. you hate winter. fucking get over it because you live in CANADA aka the frozen tundra)

but THIS is kinda what the outside of my house looks like right now.

ice

there has been SO much snow lately that they’ve just run out of places to put it. and since Toronto homes are built on-frigging-top of each other, the snow-turned-ice (because, hello! -20 degrees!) gets piled sky high.

and this morning, i backed my car into a giant ice-bank.

(like rainman, i’m an excellent driver)

and got stuck.

for 30 minutes. it took three people to dig me out. and my bumper? oh my good god, you don’t even want to see my bumper. (shredded) and then, in -20 degree weather (without a hat or gloves on…because i can’t find them. hats and gloves and scarves seem to run away from casa de martell. i always lose several every winter) i had to put gas in my car. SWELL.

good times, i tell you. good times.

on to other very exciting news. They opened a new Panera near my house, which almost sort of makes me feel like i’m home in the states (but..where is the Cheesecake Factory, or CPK, or J.Crew, or anthropologie, or DSW?!?!) and they have free WIFI (which my son read as “wee-fee” and i’m still laughing about this) so i have been spending lots of time there. but, because they just opened and they can’t seem to get their shit together to get a single one of my orders right they’ve been apologizing with free pastries. which is all well and good…but since i have never met a cinnamon bun i won’t devour in three bites…

cinnamon

please, PANERA, for the love of god (or for the love of my ever-expanding ass) start getting your orders right, dammit!!!

hmm..other exciting news…Josh got invited to a party at a paint-your-own pottery place (for a boy! is this strange? just me? no? yes?) and i don’t want to send him on principle.

the place is called YOUR FIRED. (someone needs to be fired for letting you name your store this. YOUR? really?)

i swear to jesus.

flyer

WHAT? does no one else have a problem with this?

and speaking of problems…i have a little one i’m kind of ashamed to admit to you all. some nights i stay up until, um, like 3am playing spider spolitaire.

yes, that game that came free with your pc. that one.

spider_solitaire2

i HAVE to play until i win. and holy hell, that fucker? it’s HARD to win. no i’m not proud.

don’t say i never tell you anything.Â 😉

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The Family

Comments

It’s a LONG winter. My snow/ice doesn’t melt until May! Did you know that CPK is in the Phillipines? In good news: Anthropologie is apparently opening up here in the summer!
Comment by NEWMOM on February 5, 2009
it took three people to dig me out.*

* – one of said people I dragged out of the shower.
Comment by Giblet on February 5, 2009
I definitely would have a problem supporting a business that can’t even effing spell.

mmmm….panera….
Comment by Nichole on February 5, 2009
OMG! I was SO addicted to that game at one point at Scholastic. It was BAD.

And, and WTF is YOUR FIRED!? And, shouldn’t it be YOU’RE FIRED? WTF WTF WTF!? And WTF are they doing having a boys party there? GOOD LUCK! That’s crazy!!

Sorry about your car. Our snow is like that, too. And, my bumber, too, is shredded. I have a GREAT car fixer for you, if you need….
Comment by Haley-O on February 5, 2009
I think your gloves and my gloves ran away together. I can’t find mine either. Which, of course, makes holding a metal gas pump SO MUCH FUN.
Comment by Angella on February 5, 2009
Omg the effing snow-turned ice!!! I live in a city that doesn’t recognize that it does get snow even though it does EVERY SINGLE YEAR. So when we got 8 inches last week, it never got cleared. So things like this happen:

The alley behind my house got two nice little ruts from everyone’s tires. Then it started to melt, then froze. Creating basically a 3-4 inch track in solid ice in which your tires could go, with a big block of ice between the two tracks. (Picture kid’s go-carts with the tracks for the tires so they can’t go off the designated path) Which means trying to pull FROM the tracks into a parking spot behind my house? Impossible. Trying to back OUT of the parking spot this morning? Took 6 tries and a lot of spinning wheels. WTF.
Comment by Lyndsey on February 5, 2009
OMG how did I miss that its YOUR instead of YOU’RE (good catch Haley-O). I think you should object to sending him on the principle that they’re dumbasses.
Comment by Lyndsey on February 5, 2009
Gah! The editing!! I would (because it may have happened to me a time or two in my award-winning journalism years…) take a blue editor’s pen to that postcard and fix the mistake and then anonymously mail it to the company. You’re (or ‘your.’ heh…) screwed, though, if that’s the invitation and it has info on it!

I had to break up with Panera because their IC Mochas were trying to always do lewd things with me. I swear that sometimes, when I drive by, I still hear that place whispering my name.

differentkindofgirls last blog post..as a parent blogger, it’s mandatory i write this post
Comment by differentkindofgirl on February 5, 2009
i spent many, many, many hours burning my eyes for lack of blinking playing spider solitaire. now, i’m addicted to farm hustle. it’s sad really…
Comment by zeghsy on February 5, 2009
mmm cinnamon buns…..that does seem like a somewhat odd choice for a boys party to be held at.but lots of children love to make things with their hands and boys can be as creative as girls.
Comment by LAVENDULA on February 5, 2009
The place bugs me because it is not grammatically correct.

It should be “You’re Fired” not “Your Fired.” I mean, unless it’s possessive and short for “Your Fired Project” or SOMETHING….
Comment by Maryann on February 5, 2009
I totally ripped part of the front of my car off due to icy snow bank. GRRR…

And?

Nothing makes me want to spend money more at a store LESS than knowing it’s name is a play on staggering personal and financial upheaval.

Totally tacky.
Comment by Loralee on February 5, 2009
That “your” would drive me up the effing wall, too! How does a business get started without catching these things???
Comment by Shannon on February 5, 2009
OMG. That sign!!!! Look away, look away!

It may or may not please you to know that as I go about helping my clients with their PCs at work, every fifth person or so has some form of Solitaire in their “recently used programs” list. This fact blows my mind. You do know they make really cool, graphic-intensive, eye-popping, fun, fun, fun games for the PC, right? One word: Bespelled.

Oh, and Panera could totally do anything to me as long as they make it up with their bear claws. Yeah, claw me baby.

GAH – i NEVER play at work! do people really do that?!?!? – Ali
Comment by Kathy on February 5, 2009
Yes, it really bothers me that the business name is not grammatically correct.

I saw Nine West boots (on sale, on Amazon) the other day that I COULD NOT BUY because the name of them is “YourSoCute.” Also, I just really should stop buying boots.

merrymishapss last blog post..weekly winners: short snowy week
Comment by merrymishaps on February 5, 2009
I think it’s fine as “Your fired…ceramics you paint”, but I am probably just annoying you now.

Isn’t that ironic? Don’t cha think?
Comment by Rhonda on February 5, 2009
We’re having temps over freezing (and on day in the 50s!) for the next seven days. I CANNOT WAIT for the snow to finally melt.

When I was unemployed, I was ADDICTED to Spider Solitaire and Mahjong. Like I would play until the wee hours of the night.

Next time you come to Chicago, I’m taking you to Ann Sather’s for breakfast. They have the best cinnamon rolls in the whole world.

Kristabellas last blog post..Another House-Type Post
Comment by Kristabella on February 5, 2009
that lack of grammar is horrifying. seriously. makes me ill.
Comment by Shosh on February 5, 2009
I effing HATE winter, and I’ve lived here all my life. Can’t fathom how a Southern ex-pat is coping. And I stay up unil ungodly hours playing Poppit on Pogo. LO-SER!

kgirls last blog post..Spelling Bee
Comment by kgirl on February 5, 2009
We have the same problem with winter accessories here. I get the little clips …for me lol Yeah for Panera…I send my huz to go pick it up even though it’s not even remotely close to where we live!

Kathys last blog post..A moment to remember
Comment by Kathy on February 5, 2009
That store name makes me want to punch someone in the face. LOL I wonder how much it would cost them in signage and marketing materials if someone pointed out their blatant error…now THAT makes me giggle.
Comment by AJ on February 5, 2009
Aww .. I feel your pain ..winter sucks, tough luck about the bumper too.

Hmm.. I’ve got many words swirling around my head about ‘Your Fired’ but I think it best just to keep them to myself. C’est tellement incroyable ..

And .. painting for a boy .. ya, they can get away with it for this year, but probably 7 yrs old would be the max you could pull it off. My son loves doing all that crafty stuff, but not all boys are alike!
Comment by Sarah on February 5, 2009
The day I discovered my iPod nano has solitaire on it was the day I started the slippery slope down to parental neglect. Cuz it’s obvious when mama is trying to smuggle the laptop into the walk-in closet to hide, not so much with the iPod.

(And, I kind of agree with the commenter above who saw the “your” as an intentional possessive, as in “things that you fired.” But if the company’s clientele doesn’t differentiate between a mistake on purpose and a mistake, it’s prolly a mistake.)

DaniGirls last blog post..Mother and child reunion
Comment by DaniGirl on February 5, 2009
I have BAD memories of Panera. It is delicious, but we lost every game we played after eating there.:(
Comment by Kaleigha on February 5, 2009
That’s a LOT of snow!

You have TIME to play solitaire? I am impressed.
Comment by Nadine on February 5, 2009
Bill will NOT stop playing this one damn game on my iPhone until I tell him that he’d probably win if I allowed him to keep playing.

And, from now on, I call it Wee-Fee.
Comment by Rhi on February 5, 2009
I think you know, without me having to tell you, that YOUR FIRED makes me *CRINGE*. Yuck.

And maybe you should move to the South! Hey, there’s a thought!

And Panera=YUM. I have one the next exit from me, though, and hardly ever go (maybe because it shares a lot with In-n-Out…).
Comment by Camels & Chocolate on February 5, 2009
YOUR Fired? WTH!!

I had an addiction to Free Cell for a long time. I started at game #1 and would work on it until I won, then moved to #2. I got up to over 1,000. That’s just sick now that I think about it.
Comment by Chris on February 5, 2009
It drives me insane the number of hats, gloves, and scarves I lose every year.

WAtch out for Panera and their free wifi. They are STINGY. After 30 minutes I always get cut off even if nobody else is in the store. Very annoying.
Comment by Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children on February 5, 2009
I definitely feel your pain. I’m in good old Alberta.

Your Fired? Seriously?? Not cool.

Katies last blog post..No, I’m not going to turn blue.
Comment by Katie on February 5, 2009
1. I am SO FUCKING OVER this FUCKING WEATHER, it’s not funny.

2. That kind of grammatical error makes my skin crawl.

3. I LOVE SPIDER SOLITAIRE.
Comment by mamatulip on February 5, 2009
Okay, I just have to ask – what is Panera?

Juliennes last blog post..The letter of the day.
Comment by Julienne on February 5, 2009
Pottery class for boy party? Odd.

“Your Fired” is more appropriate, if grammatically incorrect, than “You’re Fired”, which would imply that it’s a place you send your kid to be placed in a kiln. Something most parents frown upon.
Comment by SciFi Dad on February 5, 2009
Grammatical errors in store names is inexcusable. FOR REALS.

And, admittedly, it’s raining here in Southern CA and we’re being big ol’ babies about it. I apologize.

Undomestic Divas last blog post..Ice, ice baby
Comment by Undomestic Diva on February 5, 2009
WOW. How did they miss that misspelling? And even if it was spelled correctly… You’re Fired? SRSLY? Yikes.
Comment by Jen on February 5, 2009
I’m very with you about not wanting to send him to the pottery place. Really, for a boy? I’m ashamed to admit this, but I downloaded spider solitare on my blackberry and play it ALL the time. It just doesn’t feel right to stop until it’s flashes “you win”. Sad, I know.

Diannas last blog post..Babies
Comment by Dianna on February 5, 2009
I can’t even fathom that kind of weather. I live in Florida and this week, the highs have been in the 40s and we’re all dying over here!!!

BTW, the WIFI thing had me ROTFL and I even had my fiance come over and read it! Gotta love the stuff that comes out of kid’s mouths!
Comment by Bobbi on February 5, 2009
I can’t even make out what that first picture is from all of the whiteness. I’m pretty sure if I lived in Canada, I would die.
Comment by Heather, Queen of Shake Shake on February 5, 2009
You ARE all fired up over this! It’s so funny!
I agree with Rhonda and I could care less about the spelling because I take is as a possesive.
You paint it – they fire it in the kiln and it’s yours. Your Fired…

Anyhoo I love taking my boys to our local “Glazed Expressions” pottery place. I am thrilled that I found something to help Cuyler with his fine motor issues and to get his right brain creative.

And I believe you areed with my facebook status when I once asked if anyone else stays up too late playing their kids webkinz games to win them kinzcash.
You’ve abandoned webkinz for spider solitaire?
And did you get my email from the other day?

Christines last blog post..The Infamous 25
Comment by Christine on February 5, 2009
That is kind of a terrible name of a pottery place. The WIFI thing is funny.

Zandors last blog post..If you have school age kids this is about you.
Comment by Zandor on February 5, 2009
I always figured it was like a sentence that wasn’t finished, like “your fired bowl…” as in “we put your bowl in a kiln”.
Maybe I could be part of those wacky marketing teams who make slogans and names that only make sense in the world inside their heads.
Also? There was an ice storm the morning of my drivers test and I hit a snowbank while parallel parking. And I still passed. I guess there’s some sort of understanding there that you can’t fight the weather.
Comment by Tali on February 5, 2009
Oh and about the cold – I get to spend my entire weekend starting tomorrow at 8:30am in Richmond Hill in an arena for Cams hockey tournament. With no fekkin heaters. My bones are cold already…

Christines last blog post..The Infamous 25
Comment by Christine on February 5, 2009
A boy’s birthday party at a paint your own pottery place is just wrong.
Comment by regan on February 6, 2009
You know I actually won a game of spider, but it was because I was playing spider ALL THE TIME.
It was in university, and it was exam time…

Your Fired… hm… it kinda just leaves you hanging… like “Your Fired what?… “
Comment by Nenette on February 6, 2009
Cinnamon rolls. Damn, I want cinnamon rolls.
Comment by Chris on February 6, 2009
I am a grammar freak (ok, i admit I am an all around freak) but I think Your Fired makes sense – as in ‘your fired piece of pottery’. If they called it You’re fired I think that would make LESS sense – call me crazy but I think they knew what they were doing.
PS – If it makes you jealous, I wore flip flops today in Jerusalem 🙂
Comment by Pnina on February 6, 2009
Snow, over it. I can’t even see when I back out of my driveway and I hate that.

My son went to a pottery place this summer for one of his camp field trips and he actually loved it. I was surprised. He came home with a plate shaped like a pizza slice painted really originally. We put it on the wall in his room.
Comment by Chantal on February 6, 2009
Wow, sorry about all the snow! That would make me crazy. It was so cool here in California yesterday I had to wear socks.

“Your Fired” is annoying, but obviously short for “your fired expensive piece of painted plaster.” But the usual negative meaning of “you’re fired” is really bad advertising, if you ask me.
Comment by threeundertwo on February 7, 2009
Damn those cinnamon rolls look gooood.
Its my birthday tomorrow and I think I want cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Better tell Hubby about it.

monstergirlees last blog post..Luther No 86 Milwaukee USA
Comment by monstergirlee on February 8, 2009
Winter sucks, I don’t blame you. I live in Canada, too, but I’m at least in Vancouver where it’s a bit warmer.

And that paint your own pottery place needs to be fired. It’s not even like it is their ad that’s wrong, it’s their NAME. That’s awful.
Comment by Courtney on February 11, 2009