I am never afraid to dispense my very opinionated fashion advice.
In fact, I have told you before how I feel about capes and ponchos. I have raged against the manpri. I have begged you to never wear leggings as pants. And I have no shame when it comes to snapping a shot of serious fashion disaster.
Stay classy, Toronto subway riders who wear black panties under white dresses.
But, you see, on Friday I had a bit of a fashion conundrum.
In my mind, the idea of JORTS was always one that brought nothing but NO NO NOs from me. They reminded me of my camp counselors from 1993, back in the days of oversized flannel and colored socks and Doc Martens. They reminded me of the dudes we’d meet at gas stations on family road trips; the ones who didn’t have any teeth and smelled like BenGay and beer. They reminded me of all of those angsty werewolves from Twilight. They reminded me of Joey Gladstone, back when he had his mullet and his rugby shirts. They reminded me of Ponyboy Curtis and Two-Bit Matthews and all of the other Outsiders.
They certainly never reminded me of
I mean, I do typically follow these instructions about when it’s okay to wear Jorts.
see more Funny Graphs
Only there I was on Friday morning, asking the good people of the internet…
Most people were NOT getting behind this idea. On the scale of 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, most people were at about a negative 87. But here’s the rub. My jorts are not acid washed or light coloured. My jorts do not expose any part of either of my ass cheeks. My jorts are not combined with an bandanas or cowboy hats or, well, frankly and of these shenanigans.
But, you guys, the more I looked at them, the more I kind of fell in love with them.
So what if they are technically jean shorts?
So what if they aren’t exactly technically hemmed at the bottom?
I love them.
That’s right, kids.
My name is Ali…and I am a JORTS=wearer.
(But so is she.)
You can begin your judging now.