If you walk into a mall in Toronto right now, you will see stores filled with sundresses and capris and OMGtank tops. I find this very interesting because right now if you walk outside, you will see nothing but people hiding underneath waterproof boots and overpriced arctic parkas (Yes, I’m looking at you, Canada Goose). Now, I will be honest with you. I hate the winter. I hate it like my daughter hates Justin Bieber. (Read: with a passion.) I spend as little time outside (in the -17 degree weather) as humanly possible. I run to and from my car seat warmers. I race to and from my warm house in, well, a $50 peacoat that I bought on ebay and fashion boots that leave my toes feeling wet and cold. This was a system that allowed me to stay cute and warm (enough) to muddle through the winter while praying for the spring.

My mother thinks there are exactly two things that I absolutely FAIL at doing properly: Cutting my hair on a regular basis and keeping my body warm. She is right about the haircuts. My bangs are overgrown and are halfway down my face right now and will continue to spend their days up in a bang braid until the spring (If it’s good enough for all the girls on The Bachelor, it’s good enough for me). And, you know, she thinks she’s right about the body warmth.

So, my mother has been here for two days.

And now I am the owner of the following two things:

(She is SUCH a pusher.)

Why hello there. I *am* indeed a walking Canadian cliche in my Sorel boots and my TNA parka.

Also, I totally look like The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

(If someone asks you if you’re a GOD, you say YES!)

EH.

If you are wondering, I also own a toque and I wear it proudly.

But at least I’m not a part of the Canada Goose arctic program. Good god, at least I’m not a part of that. I don’t do arctic expeditions.