June 11 13

Yesterday a friend and coworker emailed me a link to a parenting community Facebook page that I had never heard of before. That’s so awesome, I thought, they are sharing my hand-holding punishment post. This always makes me smile. After all, it’s one of my favorite posts!

Only, they uploaded the photo of my kids holding hands. And quoted directly from the post. And didn’t link back to the post or even leave a credit.

Screen Shot 2013-06-11 at 10.33.52 AM

Curious, I thought.

So, I left a polite comment that said this: Hi! So, this is my photo from the post I wrote here: http://www.alimartell.com/index.php/2011/07/19/hand-holding-part-deux-the-punishment-version/ I’m okay with you sharing the idea, since it’s one I use all the time, but a link back to the original source of the post and the image is greatly appreciated, especially since you quoted directly from the post. Thanks!

I was simply asking for a credit back to the original source. Easy.

And then this particular parenting community Facebook page went a little bit crazy. They immediately got defensive and shouty and hostile and then proceeded to delete every single comment from anyone who came onto the site to suggest that they simply credit the owner of the original photo. I have about 25 screenshots of everything before it all got deleted. They used ALL CAPS to call people trolls. They took zero responsibility. It was all my fault, of course, for wanting a proper credit. They were screaming about pinterest and that their source is pinterest.com and they are not required to add my source and that I should copyright my material because how dare I ask them to credit me for photos I have taken of my children and words I have written on my personal blog. (WHAT?)

Now, the point of this post is not to rehash what happened yesterday. I could do this, of course. I could publish all of the comments left by my good friends, coworkers, and fellow members of my parenting community. I could publish all of their comments so you can witness their almost frightening and reddit-worthy spiral into a place of total crazypants. I could publish all of the emails I got from people who felt badly for me.

But I won’t.

Because what I really want to talk about is GRACE and CLASS.

In my eyes, these are two of the most important character traits. These are two things I want my three children to remember at all times.

Don’t feel badly for me.

Feel badly for the 3,175 followers and fans of this particular parenting community. They handled this very small and easy-to-rectify situation with absolutely no grace and no class whatsoever. I hope these 3,175 followers and fans are not turning to the people running this community for any kind of parenting advice.

So, I won’t be publishing their screenshots.

I will hold my head high.

With grace.

And class.

And hope that if my children are even in a situation like this, they would respond the same.

  1. Good on ya, Ali. We’re all shaking our heads at them. What a simple request it was! I think I’d be a bit more livid than you, so thank you for showing US grace and class. xo

    Comment by Loukia on June 11, 2013
  2. LOVE!

    Comment by Sharon on June 11, 2013
  3. Is there a process where you can report them to
    Facebook for stealing content?

    Comment by AlwaysARedhead on June 11, 2013
  4. Ahh that is what that tweet was all about.
    No manners, no class, sad that people are turning to them for parenting advice.
    You however, have lovely manners, and are very much a class act, good going.

    Comment by monstergirlee on June 11, 2013
  5. Hiya 🙂
    I didn’t see what happened yesterday, but sounds like a lot of crazy for sure.
    I think we need to stand up for one another in times like this, and clearly people went to bat for you. They did it because of how you treat people and your presence online and off.
    I think standing up for what’s right – whether its happening to us, or to others – is showing grace and class. This is your space, and you treat it the way you want others to treat you.
    I love everything about that 🙂

    Comment by alison kramer on June 11, 2013
  6. I have neither grace nor class and would enjoy the opportunity to use the screenshots for an upcoming post.

    Comment by Scott Stratten on June 11, 2013
  7. I took screenshots, if Ali is fine with it you are welcome to mine. I am still really annoyed by the whole situation.

    Comment by Heather on June 11, 2013
  8. Good for you Ali. Sometimes the best thing to do is step away from it. Honestly it makes them look bad. ESPECIALLY since they posted a photo of your kids. Sheesh.

    Comment by Issa on June 11, 2013
  9. I really don’t understand why people don’t understand the basic rules of the internet. And the basic rules of DON’T STEAL and ADMIT WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE.

    I also don’t understand why you would WANT to have content on which you have to delete comments about stealing. What is the point?! Why not create your OWN content? Isn’t it much more satisfying??

    Now that Kaylie’s on Instagram, we’ve been talking about image ownership and citing sources and so on. Because I never EVER want her to be one of those people.

    Comment by Jen Wilson on June 11, 2013
  10. A business deleting comments is a problem. A big one.

    Comment by ali on June 11, 2013
  11. Good for you! I mean, that is totally fine they saw it on Pinterest and didn’t know the original source. It takes 2 seconds to be all “my bad, I’ll fix it” and then add a LINK.


    Comment by Kristabella on June 11, 2013
  12. Exactly. Once alerted, it should have been a no-brainer.

    Comment by ali on June 11, 2013
  13. Exactly what you said, should have been a no-brainer. Fix it and move on. Now it’s damage control for them.

    Comment by Candace on June 11, 2013
  14. I have the same hopes for my children. I want them to know that everybody messes up sometimes, but when we do, taking responsibility and trying to make things right can make all the difference.

    Comment by Kim@Co-Pilot Mom on June 11, 2013
  15. It was so crazy. We’ve got your back, Ali. xo

    Comment by Angella on June 11, 2013
  16. That is bullshit. I’m so sorry that people are very disrespectful. You did deserve credit for what YOU wrote and the photo that YOU took. It’s not their story to own and share in that manner.
    You are so much better than them. I don’t know who them is but I’m glad that you’re turning away.
    Sorry babe.

    Comment by Kimberly on June 11, 2013
  17. Is this the same parenting method where you force your children to touch other and teach them not to honor their own physical boundaries? (Can’t remember what the exact accusation was, but didn’t someone get all up in arms about making your kids hold hands?) 😉

    Comment by kdiddy on June 11, 2013
  18. Ha! This was someone else, actually, but, sigh, yes that special accusation actually told me that by having my kids hold hands I was setting my kids up for being, uh, touched in bad places by strangers. So.

    Comment by ali on June 11, 2013
  19. I am still extremely annoyed by the whole thing, but who cares what I think, I’m just a TROLL. GAH.

    Comment by Heather on June 11, 2013
  20. Holy geez. I hate the internet’s way of dealing with being found out for doing something wrong is to use SHOUTY CAPS and say it’s your own fault for putting your content on the internet.

    Beyond the grace and class, which good for you for having those, I just wish people would take responsibility. How much better would this have gone if they’d just said, oops, my bad, here’s a link to the original post.

    Comment by Laurie on June 11, 2013
  21. Exactly. And that’s all I requested.

    Comment by ali on June 11, 2013
  22. * take responsibility for their actions.


    Comment by Laurie on June 11, 2013
  23. Grace is a beautiful thing.

    I’m sorry they stole from you, and then acted like crazy people when you (very nicely!) asked for credit for your own work and children’s picture.

    Comment by Tracie on June 12, 2013
  24. This turned out to be so much more than it should have. People be crazy 🙂 xo

    Comment by Gwen on June 12, 2013
  25. Yeah, that was some serious crazy.

    Comment by Alex on June 12, 2013
  26. Is it wrong that I totally want to know which parenting group this was?
    Ugh, it was such a simple solution. Whyyyy did it turn into something terrible? I hate seeing things like this happen.

    Comment by AMY on June 12, 2013
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